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OFFICIAL RULES.N.. KEEP READING

Sophomore Walter "Wrinkles" Hodgson
didn't know what possessed him, but he
had to go through with it. He felt uncom-
fortable as he tiptoed down the darkened
hall. Trespassing was risky enough, much
less in Dean Snively's office. Luckily, the
door was open, and he found what he
wanted in the desk of the dean's lovely
secretary, Rosetta Stone. Suddenly, the
lights snapped on, and there stood the sun-
burn-tressed Miss Stone. "You're making

a big mistake, Wrinkles," she said. "Here,
let me show you how to do that." She came
closer to the nervous sophomore, sending
him into a paroxysm of fright and passion.
Rosetta continued, "Use a 3-by-5 card or
a blank piece of paper. Handprint your
name, school, address, home address,
age, phone number, jacket size (S, M, L,
XL), jacket color (Black or White), and
the name and occupation of the person
who ripped off the HOT SHOT as well

Galley Slave
on Ari's
Ghost Ship!

as the drink recipe on the HOT SHOT
Schnapps bottle label. NO PURCHASE
NECESSARY. (For a free facsimile of label
containing the answer to this question,
send a stamped, self-addressed envelope
(except WA & VT) to: P0O. Box 888, Church
Hill, MD 21690.)"
The petrified Hodgson followed her orders
well. "That's what I call breaking and
entering, Walter," joked Miss Stone. "How
about a thick shake at Rawley's?"



PROFESSOR TELLS
ALL TO CHEERLEADER
Professor David Thornton, the heartthrob
of every coed at State, walked down the
darkened hallway, lost in thoughts of
Albanian Baroque poetry. Suddenly, he
was approached by Tammy Prescott,
cheerleading captain and Queen of the
Schnapps Festival.
"Please tell me the truth, professor," said
Tammy breathlessly. "Where do I mail
my entry to the HOT SHOT Mystery
Sweepstakes?"
"Well, here's how, Tammy," replied the
professor knowingly. "Address your
entries to "HOT SHOT" Mystery
Sweepstakes, P.O. Box 884, Church
Hill, MD 21690. Enter as often as you
wish, but each entry must be mailed
separately. All entries must be post-
marked by November 22, 1987, and
received by December 10, 1987. The
prize winners will be determined in a
random drawing among all correct
entries received. The drawing will be
held on or about December 16, 1987
under the supervision of an indepen-
dent judging organization, whose
decisions are final on all matters
relating to this offer. HOT SHOT
cannot be responsible for lost, late,
or misdirected mail."
"Oh, thank you. Professor Thornton,"
said Tammy as she watched him leave.
She now was a little bit wiser, but still
in love.

It was a late spring night, full of promise for
Roscoe Workman, Rip Arbucle, and Penelope
Goldberg as they made their way across
campus. Suddenly, the heavens exploded. A
blinding green light filled the quad. To the
horror of the trio, a slim, silver disk dropped
out of the sky and hovered near them. "Must
be a spaceship!" exclaimed Roscoe, ever dis-
playing his grasp of the obvious. A hatch
opened up in the craft, and from it a voice
boomed, "Come aboard earthlings. We want
to tell you something. You will meet with no
harm." The voice sounded eerily like Ward
Cleaver's. As if drawn by an invisible force,
all three complied. They found themselves in
a smoothly walled room, with no signs of life
present. The voice continued: "There are
some things about the HOT SHOT Mystery
Sweepstakes we think you should know.
This sweepstakes is open to registered
students of this campus who are of legal
drinking age in their state of residence
and the state where they attend school
at the time of entry.
Employees of the HOT SHOT Distillery
Company, their distributors, affiliates,
subsidiaries, advertising agencies,
promotion agencies, retailers, their

ALIENS
KIDNAP
COLLEGE
SCHOLARS:
families and employees of retailers are
not eligible. Sweepstakes is void where
prohibited by law. Limit one prize per
individual. Taxes on prizes are the sole
responsibility of the prizewinner. All
federal, state, and local laws and regu-
lations apply. The odds of winning a
prize depends on the number of entries
received. No prize substitutions or cash
equivalents will be awarded. Prizes are
not transferable. Furthermore, the
Grand Prize winner will be required to
sign and return an Affidavit of Eligi-
bility and Release of Liability within 7
days of notification. In the event of non-
compliance within this time period,
an alternate winner will be selected.
Winners agree to allow use of their
names and/or photos in sponsor's ad-
vertising without compensation."
"You may now leave. This encounter has
ended. Live long and prosper, and don't for-
get to wash your hands before dinner." The
students exited, and the ship left as mysteri-
ously as it had arrived. What did these people
see? Fact or fiction? Myth or legend? Or just
plain fun? You be the judge.

LT. "SPATS" McNULTY
ON THE CASE OF

ov


KC.


COLLEGE CAFETERIA RUN LIKE BOOTCAMP

INSIDE:
WIN A
FABULOUS
TRIP FOR 2
TO THE
BAHAMAS!



"Let's eat!" exclaimed Frank Dawson to a
few of his college chums. A chorus of groans
rose from the guys. The cafeteria at Defore
hollege was a place that evoked fear more
'Whan sustenance. Dejected, they headed for
the student center... and The Pit. Upon
entering, the lads were greeted by Mary
"Sarge" Muldoon, a woman who had served
some thirty years in the Pit. She wordlessly
poured ladlefuls of gray, lumpy gruel on the
plates of the pallid students. A shriek came
from the line, "I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANY-
MORE! ! GOTTA GET OUTITA HERE! !!"
Sarge came around the steam table and
grabbed the student, who had dropped his
tray near Frank and his pals. "There, there,"

COLLEGE ZANIES
WOW"'!

she said. "Sure 'n I've got the solution. Just
enter the HOT SHOT Mystery Sweepstakes.
Listen to what you can win. .." No one dared
move as Sarge continued:
"One Grand Prize will be awarded. It's
a trip for two to the Bahamas. Prize
includes round-trip airfare and hotel
accommodations for 7 days and 6 nights
plus $500 spending money for meals and
incidentals. Approximate retail value of
trip is $3,500. Grand Prize winner must
agree to depart and return on dates
specified by the sponsor. Departure will
be from the major airport terminal
nearest to the prizewinner's residence.
It will be the responsibility of the prize-

winner to provide for his/her own
transportation to this airport. Approxi-
mately 300 first Prizes, HOT SHOTTM
Satin jackets will be awarded. Approx-
imate retail value is $30.00. Prize-
winners will be notified by mail on or
about February 1, 1988. For a list of
prizewinners, send a self-addressed
envelope to: "HOT SHOT Mystery
Sweepstakes" Winners List, P.O. Box
886, Church Hill, MD 21690."
HOT SHOT TM Schnapps, 42 Proof,
Produced by the Hot SNot Distillery,
Owensboro, KY 0 1987.

UFO GRABS
STUDENTS -
AS NURSE
WATCHES
HELPLESSLY

"Aargh!"


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