0
Page 8-Thursday, December 9, 1982-The Michigan Daily
Off the Record
By BOB WOJNO WSKI nJ-
Big Ten bantering.. .
.. .laughs with a cruddy Muddy
T'S TIME TO wrap up the Big Ten football season and I absolutely
promise to do so without once denigrating the quality of this year's con-
ference squads.
I mean, Northwestern is great. And so is Minnesota. And Michigan
State ... well, maybe not Michigan State.
But they threw a lot of passes and I like watching dropped balls. And
Michigan won the title and I get to go to Pasadena, which is all I really care
about. Michigan and Ohio State finished one-two again which is exactly what I
said they would finish when I made my predictions in October, er, August. So
permit me this opportunity to gloat while I ramble on endlessly with the only
person who will talk to me ...
Q: Okay, let's get started. Is Michigan really the best team in the league and
does it deserve the Rose Bowl bid?
A: Well, if the former is true than so is the latter, right? And the Wolverines
are heading west which is all that really matters. I honestly believe that if the
Ohio State game meant the Big Ten championship to Bo's boys, they would
have won it. Besides, the Buckeyes didn't apologize for taking the trip west in
1973 after the infamous Athletic Director vote.
Q: Why don't you answer the question? Are the Wolverines the best team in
the Big Ten?
A: Hmmmmmm. Well, they placed eight players on the All-Big Ten squad
and the Buckeyes only placed four. That's good enough for me which means
it's good enough for you.
Q: How about the Coach of the Year?
A: Iowa's Hayden Fry.
Q: Why?
A: Because I like his accent.
Q: Who was the worst coach in the conference?
A: Well, what's green and white and doesn't coach anymore?
Q: You're a real funny man.
A: So was he.
Q: Who were the top five players in the league this year? In order of
preference please.
A: Anthony Carter, Tony Eason, Marcus Marek, Tim Spencer, and, oh I
don't know . . . John Leister.
Q:: You're a riot.
A: So was he.
Q: How about the quote of the year?
A: From Illinois wide receiver Oliver Williams: "I don't think Michigan
was necessarily a better team than us last year (when the Wolverines eeked
out a 70-21 victory) the game just got out of hand. This year we're gonna run
up the score on Michigan."
Q: Wow. What do you say to that?
A: Ha, ha, ha, ha, etc.
Q: What is the most unusual play you saw this year?
A: Well, in the third quarter of the Michigan-Michigan State game this year,
quarterback Leister faded back, threw a pass to Ted Jones and, in a rare
display of Spartan football wizardry, he caught it.
Q: Lay off the Spartans already, will ya?
A: Sorry.
Q: Was it my imagination or were there loads of conference records set this
year?
A: No, you're right on the button there. In fact, I just learned last week that
Joe Grumble, a relatively unknown linebacker from Minnesota, set the Big
Ten record for most consecutive games with at-least one sack of a left-
handed,blue-eyed quarterback in the first half.
Q: Alright, let's get to the meat-and-potatoes stuff. You've been around,
you're a well-traveled man, what was the nicest campus you visited?
A: South Bend was mighty pretty but I don't know if that counts.
Q: Fine. What about the worst?
A: That's a loaded question. If I say Iowa City, some farmer from the Iowa
Anti-Defamation League will write and describe how he's going to knock my
house down with his John Deere. So I'll say Columbus because it's dark,
damp, ugly, and nobody in Columbus reads newspapers so I don't have to
worry.
Q: Speaking of ugly, how did the Blue cheerleaders rate this, year?
A: Watch it, I gotta go to school here you know. The Michigan cheerleaders
were very nice thank you. The Purdue Golden Girl was nicer. The Hawkeye
cheerleaders reminded me of a joke I once heard: Why do all the stadiums in
Iowa have artificial turf? Answer: So the cheerleaders won't graze at half-
time.
Q: Have you made one significant point in this column?
A: No, but then again I haven't made one all year.
Q: What was your favorite stadium?
A: The Pontiac Silverdome.
Q: How about the press boxes?
A: All press boxes are the same; cramped, drafty, and uncomfortable. And,
oh, the food they try to serve you. It would gag a maggot.
Q: Can we get serious for a moment? I understand there's added
significance to the Rose Bowl matchup between Michigan and UCLA?
A: Sure is. I have learned from some source that the winning school gets An-
toine Joubert to dribble around the court for four years.
Q: I can't believe it. One last question: Which tow had the nicest jail?
A: Very funny.
The Michigan Daily-Thursday, Dec
a '/
MICHIGAN
(Overall 8-3; Big Ten 8-1)
TEAM
Bean ............
Rice ...............
Ricks ...............
Rogers ..............
Garrett ............
Nelson...........
S. Johnson.........
Armstrong ..........
Kattus...........
Mercer............
13
10
7
4
3
3
2
2
I
1
309
57
52
51
23
23
31
22
12
-4
17.2
5.7
7.4
12.8
7.7
7.7
15.5
11.0
12.0
-4.0
i
1
0
1
0
0
0
0
Total First Downs.
Rushing .........
Passing .........
Penalty .......
Total Net Yards ...
Total Plays ......
Avg. Per Play ...
Avg. Per Game..
Net Rushing Yards
Total Attempts ..
Avg. Per Play ...
Avg. Per Game..
Net Passing Yards.
Att/Comp/Int ...
Avg. per Attempt
Avg. Per Comp. .
Avg. Per Game..
Punts/Yds/Avg ...
Punt Ret/Yds/Avg
KO Ret/Yds/Avg..
Int/Yds/Avg..
Fumbles/Lost ..
Penalties/Yards ...
Scoring:
Total Pts/Avg ...
Touchdowns ..
Rushing .......
Passing .......
Returns .......
PAT's/Att ...
2-Pt. Conv./Att..
Field Goals/Att..
Third Down Conv. .
Success Pct......
M
240
147
75
18
4430
773
5.7
402.7
2691
540
5.0
244.6
1739
233/119/13
7.5
14.6
158.1
43/1681/39.1
26/378/14.5
25/497/19.9
12/176/14.7
20/11
40/314
331/30.1
42
25
15
2
39/40
1/2
12/15
68/141
.482
Opp.
247
94
143
10
4058
859
4.7
368.9
1163
405
2.9
105.7
2895
454/277/12
6.4
10.5
263.2
60/2342/39.0
14/28/2.0
34/580/17.1
13/116/8.9
29/26
62/645
180/16.4
22
13
9
0
19/20
1/2
9/10
72/171
.421
MICHIGAN ......... 119 1739 14.6
Opponents ............277 2895 10.5
15
9
Scorin
TDr' T
Haji-Sheikh.........
Carter...............
S. Smith.............. 9
Ricks ................ 8
Rogers.............. 4
Dunaway.........
K. Smith ............ 2
Rice................. 1
Armstrong ..........
Bean ................
Bostic.............
Garrett.......... 1
'TEAM'...........
MICHIGAN ......... 25
Opponents ........... 13
"TDr-rush TDp-pas
Dp TDo ExP TP
39-39 75
8 1 56
54
48
1 36
3 18
12
1 12
1 6
I 6
1 6
6
0-1 2
15 2 39-40 33
9 0 19-20 18
ss TDo-other
Punting
No. Yds. Avg. Long
Bracken..............43 1681 39.1 58
MICHIGAN ......... 43 1681 39.1
Opponents............ 60 2342 39.0
58
59
INDIVIDUAL
Returns
PR/Yds/Avg/LP KOR/Yds/Avg/LP
Rushing
Ricks...............
K. Smith............
S. Smith...........
Rogers .............
Rice .................
Mercer ..............
Carter ...............
Garrett..............
Armstrong ..........
S. Johnson..........
Att
243
45
93
63
36
33
8
9
8
1
Yds
1300
368
330
273
144
143
64
42
26
3
Avg
5.3
8.2
3.5
4.3
4.0
4.3
8.0
4.7
3.3
3.0
TD
8
2
9
4-
1
0
0
1
0
0
LP
52
29
37
22
13
18
15
14
7
3
Carter .....
S. Johnson .
Rogers..
Hassel ....
Nelson ....
K. Smith ..
Bean..
Cooper ....
Rose ......
17/265/15.6/72
12/302/25.2/48
5/94/18.8/35
3/68/22.7/25
2/25/12.5/14
1/11/11.0/11
1/0/0.0/0
1 /-3/-3.0/-3
25/497z4219.9/48
34/580/17.1/65
8/76/9.5/19
1/37/37.0/37
MICHIGAN 26/378/14.5/72
Opponents 14/28/2.0/6
Field Goals
MICHIGAN ......... 540 2691 5.0
Opponents ........... 405 1163 2.9
Passing
PA PC Int
25 52
13 37
20-29 30-39 40-49 50+ Total
.4-4 1-2 6-7 1-2 12-15
Haji-Sheikh
MICHIGAN.........
4-4 1-2 6-7 1-2 12-15
Opponents ...........3-3 5-5 1-1
0-1 9-10
PA PC
S. Smith ............. 218 112
Hall ................. 14 7
Carter ................1 0
Int
12
1
0
TD
Pct.
.514
.5"9
UCLA
TD
14
1
MICHIGAN ......... 233 110 13
Opponents............454 277 12
Receiving
No. Yds. Avg.
Carter ............... 38 735 20.7
Dunaway ............ 30 378 12.6
.000 0 Total first downs.
______ Rushing .........
.511 15 Passing.........
.610 9 Total net yards ....
Rushing .........
Passing......
Total plays .......
TD Ave. per play ....
Punts/Yds/Ave....
8 Int/Yds/Ave.......
Fumbles/Lost .....
Penalties/Yards ...
UCLA
255
119
123
4,757
1,687
3,070
836
5.7
54/2215/41.0
18/287/15.9
21/15
62/542
Opp
204
84
106
3,610
1,4 13
2,197
803
4.9
74/3142/42.4?
12/24/2.0
27/12
51/432
.
7
9
Daily Photo by JEFF SCHRIEI
Michigan tailback Lawrence Ricks is greeted by exuberant teammates after
a touchdown.
-i
;,- - -^1'-,.,- 1. " - I - . I I .