0 Page 8-Thursday, December 9, 1982-The Michigan Daily Off the Record By BOB WOJNO WSKI nJ- Big Ten bantering.. . .. .laughs with a cruddy Muddy T'S TIME TO wrap up the Big Ten football season and I absolutely promise to do so without once denigrating the quality of this year's con- ference squads. I mean, Northwestern is great. And so is Minnesota. And Michigan State ... well, maybe not Michigan State. But they threw a lot of passes and I like watching dropped balls. And Michigan won the title and I get to go to Pasadena, which is all I really care about. Michigan and Ohio State finished one-two again which is exactly what I said they would finish when I made my predictions in October, er, August. So permit me this opportunity to gloat while I ramble on endlessly with the only person who will talk to me ... Q: Okay, let's get started. Is Michigan really the best team in the league and does it deserve the Rose Bowl bid? A: Well, if the former is true than so is the latter, right? And the Wolverines are heading west which is all that really matters. I honestly believe that if the Ohio State game meant the Big Ten championship to Bo's boys, they would have won it. Besides, the Buckeyes didn't apologize for taking the trip west in 1973 after the infamous Athletic Director vote. Q: Why don't you answer the question? Are the Wolverines the best team in the Big Ten? A: Hmmmmmm. Well, they placed eight players on the All-Big Ten squad and the Buckeyes only placed four. That's good enough for me which means it's good enough for you. Q: How about the Coach of the Year? A: Iowa's Hayden Fry. Q: Why? A: Because I like his accent. Q: Who was the worst coach in the conference? A: Well, what's green and white and doesn't coach anymore? Q: You're a real funny man. A: So was he. Q: Who were the top five players in the league this year? In order of preference please. A: Anthony Carter, Tony Eason, Marcus Marek, Tim Spencer, and, oh I don't know . . . John Leister. Q:: You're a riot. A: So was he. Q: How about the quote of the year? A: From Illinois wide receiver Oliver Williams: "I don't think Michigan was necessarily a better team than us last year (when the Wolverines eeked out a 70-21 victory) the game just got out of hand. This year we're gonna run up the score on Michigan." Q: Wow. What do you say to that? A: Ha, ha, ha, ha, etc. Q: What is the most unusual play you saw this year? A: Well, in the third quarter of the Michigan-Michigan State game this year, quarterback Leister faded back, threw a pass to Ted Jones and, in a rare display of Spartan football wizardry, he caught it. Q: Lay off the Spartans already, will ya? A: Sorry. Q: Was it my imagination or were there loads of conference records set this year? A: No, you're right on the button there. In fact, I just learned last week that Joe Grumble, a relatively unknown linebacker from Minnesota, set the Big Ten record for most consecutive games with at-least one sack of a left- handed,blue-eyed quarterback in the first half. Q: Alright, let's get to the meat-and-potatoes stuff. You've been around, you're a well-traveled man, what was the nicest campus you visited? A: South Bend was mighty pretty but I don't know if that counts. Q: Fine. What about the worst? A: That's a loaded question. If I say Iowa City, some farmer from the Iowa Anti-Defamation League will write and describe how he's going to knock my house down with his John Deere. So I'll say Columbus because it's dark, damp, ugly, and nobody in Columbus reads newspapers so I don't have to worry. Q: Speaking of ugly, how did the Blue cheerleaders rate this, year? A: Watch it, I gotta go to school here you know. The Michigan cheerleaders were very nice thank you. The Purdue Golden Girl was nicer. The Hawkeye cheerleaders reminded me of a joke I once heard: Why do all the stadiums in Iowa have artificial turf? Answer: So the cheerleaders won't graze at half- time. Q: Have you made one significant point in this column? A: No, but then again I haven't made one all year. Q: What was your favorite stadium? A: The Pontiac Silverdome. Q: How about the press boxes? A: All press boxes are the same; cramped, drafty, and uncomfortable. And, oh, the food they try to serve you. It would gag a maggot. Q: Can we get serious for a moment? I understand there's added significance to the Rose Bowl matchup between Michigan and UCLA? A: Sure is. I have learned from some source that the winning school gets An- toine Joubert to dribble around the court for four years. Q: I can't believe it. One last question: Which tow had the nicest jail? A: Very funny. The Michigan Daily-Thursday, Dec a '/ MICHIGAN (Overall 8-3; Big Ten 8-1) TEAM Bean ............ Rice ............... Ricks ............... Rogers .............. Garrett ............ Nelson........... S. Johnson......... Armstrong .......... Kattus........... Mercer............ 13 10 7 4 3 3 2 2 I 1 309 57 52 51 23 23 31 22 12 -4 17.2 5.7 7.4 12.8 7.7 7.7 15.5 11.0 12.0 -4.0 i 1 0 1 0 0 0 0 Total First Downs. Rushing ......... Passing ......... Penalty ....... Total Net Yards ... Total Plays ...... Avg. Per Play ... Avg. Per Game.. Net Rushing Yards Total Attempts .. Avg. Per Play ... Avg. Per Game.. Net Passing Yards. Att/Comp/Int ... Avg. per Attempt Avg. Per Comp. . Avg. Per Game.. Punts/Yds/Avg ... Punt Ret/Yds/Avg KO Ret/Yds/Avg.. Int/Yds/Avg.. Fumbles/Lost .. Penalties/Yards ... Scoring: Total Pts/Avg ... Touchdowns .. Rushing ....... Passing ....... Returns ....... PAT's/Att ... 2-Pt. Conv./Att.. Field Goals/Att.. Third Down Conv. . Success Pct...... M 240 147 75 18 4430 773 5.7 402.7 2691 540 5.0 244.6 1739 233/119/13 7.5 14.6 158.1 43/1681/39.1 26/378/14.5 25/497/19.9 12/176/14.7 20/11 40/314 331/30.1 42 25 15 2 39/40 1/2 12/15 68/141 .482 Opp. 247 94 143 10 4058 859 4.7 368.9 1163 405 2.9 105.7 2895 454/277/12 6.4 10.5 263.2 60/2342/39.0 14/28/2.0 34/580/17.1 13/116/8.9 29/26 62/645 180/16.4 22 13 9 0 19/20 1/2 9/10 72/171 .421 MICHIGAN ......... 119 1739 14.6 Opponents ............277 2895 10.5 15 9 Scorin TDr' T Haji-Sheikh......... Carter............... S. Smith.............. 9 Ricks ................ 8 Rogers.............. 4 Dunaway......... K. Smith ............ 2 Rice................. 1 Armstrong .......... Bean ................ Bostic............. Garrett.......... 1 'TEAM'........... MICHIGAN ......... 25 Opponents ........... 13 "TDr-rush TDp-pas Dp TDo ExP TP 39-39 75 8 1 56 54 48 1 36 3 18 12 1 12 1 6 I 6 1 6 6 0-1 2 15 2 39-40 33 9 0 19-20 18 ss TDo-other Punting No. Yds. Avg. Long Bracken..............43 1681 39.1 58 MICHIGAN ......... 43 1681 39.1 Opponents............ 60 2342 39.0 58 59 INDIVIDUAL Returns PR/Yds/Avg/LP KOR/Yds/Avg/LP Rushing Ricks............... K. Smith............ S. Smith........... Rogers ............. Rice ................. Mercer .............. Carter ............... Garrett.............. Armstrong .......... S. Johnson.......... Att 243 45 93 63 36 33 8 9 8 1 Yds 1300 368 330 273 144 143 64 42 26 3 Avg 5.3 8.2 3.5 4.3 4.0 4.3 8.0 4.7 3.3 3.0 TD 8 2 9 4- 1 0 0 1 0 0 LP 52 29 37 22 13 18 15 14 7 3 Carter ..... S. Johnson . Rogers.. Hassel .... Nelson .... K. Smith .. Bean.. Cooper .... Rose ...... 17/265/15.6/72 12/302/25.2/48 5/94/18.8/35 3/68/22.7/25 2/25/12.5/14 1/11/11.0/11 1/0/0.0/0 1 /-3/-3.0/-3 25/497z4219.9/48 34/580/17.1/65 8/76/9.5/19 1/37/37.0/37 MICHIGAN 26/378/14.5/72 Opponents 14/28/2.0/6 Field Goals MICHIGAN ......... 540 2691 5.0 Opponents ........... 405 1163 2.9 Passing PA PC Int 25 52 13 37 20-29 30-39 40-49 50+ Total .4-4 1-2 6-7 1-2 12-15 Haji-Sheikh MICHIGAN......... 4-4 1-2 6-7 1-2 12-15 Opponents ...........3-3 5-5 1-1 0-1 9-10 PA PC S. Smith ............. 218 112 Hall ................. 14 7 Carter ................1 0 Int 12 1 0 TD Pct. .514 .5"9 UCLA TD 14 1 MICHIGAN ......... 233 110 13 Opponents............454 277 12 Receiving No. Yds. Avg. Carter ............... 38 735 20.7 Dunaway ............ 30 378 12.6 .000 0 Total first downs. ______ Rushing ......... .511 15 Passing......... .610 9 Total net yards .... Rushing ......... Passing...... Total plays ....... TD Ave. per play .... Punts/Yds/Ave.... 8 Int/Yds/Ave....... Fumbles/Lost ..... Penalties/Yards ... UCLA 255 119 123 4,757 1,687 3,070 836 5.7 54/2215/41.0 18/287/15.9 21/15 62/542 Opp 204 84 106 3,610 1,4 13 2,197 803 4.9 74/3142/42.4? 12/24/2.0 27/12 51/432 . 7 9 Daily Photo by JEFF SCHRIEI Michigan tailback Lawrence Ricks is greeted by exuberant teammates after a touchdown. -i ;,- - -^1'-,.,- 1. " - I - . I I .