By Scott Lewis
Birdies, bogeys, bitching...
..t. s golf season again
The prestigious PGA Masters tournament, which begins tomorrow
in Augusta, Ga., is the yearly signal for golfers in this part of the country to
awake from their semiannual slumber and ready themselves for the
For many golf afficionados, the game means spending spring and
summer afternoons on lush verdant acreage, reacquainting oneself with
nature's beauty. For others, golf provides a much-needed outlet of
relaxation, a time when good friends can chat about their "day in the
For me, it means none of these. Rather, it means the same old
complaints, same old excuses and, yes, the same old score.
Honestly, I don't know why I keep playing this game. In nine years I
have yet to shed the dreadful label "duffer," despite hundreds of hours on
the course and an equal number at the driving range. It's frustrating to
spend $28 on a round of golf (including motor cart, of course) plus $5 for golf
balls (I go through an average of three for nine holes) and then go out and
shoot a 98.
I have learned, though, that no one cares to hear a golfer's lament.
Nothing produces a greater sense of ennui than to hear golfers talk about
their lumps on the links.,
The following account of a recent clubhouse conversation among golfers
is a painfully vivid example of how agonizingly boring, fruitless and inane
such discussions can be.
Ralph (age 53, a part-time barber): I don't know what it is, Harry. I keep
my left arm straight, I bend my knees. I keep my head down. I do everything
Jack Nicklaus says to do in Golf Digest. But I just can't hit the ball.
Harry (64, a retired salesman): It's your shirt, Ralpie. You don't have
the penguin on the pocket. Not even an alligator. My friend Sid bought a
whole wardrobe of alligator shirts and he's been shooting in the 80's ever
Ralph: Maybe you're right. It was too hot to wear anything but a T-shirt,
though.How can I play well when it's so hot?
Ted (48, a pompous insurance executive): It's not the heat, it's the
motion. Ralph, I think I know what you're doing wrong. (Harry turns away
to watch the golf match on TV). Your hips aren't rotating like they should.
Watch my swing.
(The portly Ted proceeds to demonstrate his backswing, as a few
bemused female onlookers, gawking at him, whisper to each other.)
Ralph: You think that's what it is?
Ted: Of course. I've been playing this game for 23 years and I know all
there is to know about the backswing.
Herm (52, an avid bowler who shot a 116): Ya know, Ted, I can never
keep my elbow straight, and seeing that you're the expert, can you tell me
what I'm doing wrong?
Harry: Herm, don't listen to Ted. Did you see how he shanked the ball on
that 7th hole? 130 yards and he hit it smack in the water. And that lake was in
the wrong fairway. (Harry chuckles, then resumes watching TV.)
Ted: I didn't use enough club there. The wind was whipping up a storm
and I underestimated its strength.
(The weather was perfect-sunny, 75 degrees with a slight breeze
blowing toward the flag on the 7th hole.)
Herm: You said you used a five-iron. Isn't that usually enough club from
130 yards out?
Ted: I said I used a nine, Herm. N-I-N-E.
Herm: It looked like a five.
Ted: Just worry about your own game, and I'll worry about mine.
Harry: ha-ha-ha. Ted's got a lot to worry about these days.
Ralph (excited): Did you notice how I was hitting those fairway woods
today? I was really nailing them, huh?
(No response. Ted is busy figuring out the number of greens he three-
Ralph: Did you see my fairway woods today? I was really hitting them.
Ted: What's that, Ralph?
Ralph (flustered): Did you.. . never mind.
Ted: I was really pleased with my putting today. Ever since I got that
new mallet-head putter with the gold shaft, I've been putting so well.
-Ralph: Uh. You know, I was thinking that...
Ted (interrupting): When I putt, I try to keep my left eye just behind the
ball, with the heel of my right foot lined parallel to the center of the ball
Ralph: You want a beer, Ted?
Ted: Make it Michelob. No, let it be Louwenbrau. (Breaks into a hearty
guffaw. Harry leaves the clubhouse, while Ralph heads for the bar.)
Herm: I think I better get home to the wife. It's almost diner and..-.
Ted: Why don't you stay and have a beer with us? We can talkabout the
back nine. You know, I've played this game for 23 years ...
Herm: I know, and you know everything there is to know about the
Ted: Right, right, I do. (Shouts across the room.) Ralph, bring a beer for'
- (Herm sighs, slouches in his chair, and prepares himself for some more
enlightening golf talk. Like scores of golfers like him, he hasn't enjoyed the
day's activities. But he'll be back on the course soon, just like the rest of us.)
M SPORTS SHORTS:
The Michigan Daily--Wednesday, April 9,1980-Page 9
FILLS BENEDICT'S SHOES
iiddaugh hopes to mold a winner
BY MARK MIHANOVIC
Bud Middaugh's honeymoon didn't
last very long with many Wolverine
It came to a premature end when the
first-year Michigan mentor cut senior
hurlers Steve Wagner, Fritz Hender-
son, and Mike Bryant to make room on
the mound for five, count 'em, jire.
AUTOMATICALLY, it was assumed
that Middaugh was trading the present
for the future, that 1980 was going to be
an experiment for the three-time Mid-
American Conference Coach-of-the-
Year from Miami of Ohio, where he
compiled a 355-17312-year slate.
Not so, according to Middaugh.
"They were cut because I felt the
younger players were better. I just
wasn't going to keep them in a program
and ask them to give up all their time
when their chances of playing were nil.
"I feel that a senior should con-
tribute an awful lot, or they should be
worried about what they're going to be
doing for the rest of their lives," Mid-
daugh continued. "I felt I was doing, in
each case, what was best for them,
even though they didn't accept it."
THE CONCEPT of doing what's best
for the players consistently arises in
conversation with Middaugh, who has
turned down several offers to manage
professionally in the minor leagues.
"My ambition in life is to help young
people, or I wouldn't be where I'm at.
The number one objective is to help the
players pursue a degree in the par-
ticular interest that they have and
maintain good academic standards.
"Second of all, for those that have the
ability, maybe open up some doors for
them as a possible consideration for
professional baseball. You're acting as
an advisor, a counselor, as well as a
MIDDAUGH, who replaced a 17-year
fixture in the Michigan dugout, the
popular Moby Benedict, enjoyed his
,greatest coaching season in 1977, when
his Miami Redskins won 45 games and
became the first MAC team ever to gain
an at-large berth in the NCAA district
"I'm like in heaven," enthused the 39-
year-old skipper, who taught several
courses at Miami, as well. "For the fir-
st time, I'm just coaching baseball."
AND DOING a fine job of it, if the
Blue nine's 5-1 record since returning
from Florida (where they went 6-7) is
any indication. Those who hollered
about Middaugh's personnel
maneuvers in the pitching department
have had to stifle themselves tem-
porarily, as Michigan moundsmen have
tossed shutouts in all five victories.
Freshman Steve Ontiveros hurled the
latest goose-egg, a 1-0 defeat of Wayne
State last Saturday.
Middaugh explained the how and why
of the Wolverines' somewhat surprising
play of late. "We're trying to bunt a lit-
tle bit more; we're playing for one run
at a time to try to give our young pit-
chers some encouragement.
"We'll hit-and-run, we'll steal, we'll
squeeze, we'll do things like that that're
gonna cause us to create some runs."
THE COACH declined to predict how
well his young club would fare in Big
Ten warfare. "I'm not a predictor, and
I think that anyone who is is a fool.
"We're going in with a very young
club. Not too many people feel that
we're going to be in it, and that may be
the case, but we feel we're in it until
we're proven not."
With a young, rapidly-improving
club, it would appear that Bud Mid-
daugh is going to be in it for a long
time, "it" being the Michigan
Wolverine baseball coach's office.
'M' ieer assistant
Giordano to stay on
Att8 ennSeniors mnd MACanddtest
Are you interested in pursuing graduate studies in the follow-
-Educational Statistics and Policy
-Policy Analysis and Development
if so, you will be interested in the M.A. and Ph.D. program in
Administration and-Policy Studies
The School of Education
To learn more about these programs, write to the Dean, School
of Education, Northwestern University, Evanston, Illinois,
60201-or call Fran Birndorf, (312) 492-3730.
By MARK BOROWSKI
Assistant hockey coach John Gior-
dano disclosed yesterday that he will
keep his position with Michigan next
The announcement put an end to
speculation that Giordano would leave
the team after not being offered the
head coaching position vacated by Dan
Farrell last month.
ALTHOUGH Giordano was one of
three candidates forthe position,
athletic director Don Canham chose
Wilf Martin to replace Farrell.
"I think everybody really likes him,
he works us hard and he relates well to
Today is the first day that recruits
can sign national letters of intent and
his decision may lure some of the
players he has been recruiting this past
"I THINK it (his decision to stay) will
help a little, but I don't know how
much," he said.
Michigan is concentrating its
recruiting efforts on three forwards but
will not sign any players today because
two of the players art involved in
playoffs with their current teams and
the third has not made his decision yet.
...here to stay
"I don't want to move my family
around like I have the last two or three
years, that was the number one reason
for staying," said Giordano.
Graduate assistant Don Boyd, who
was in charge of the goalies this past
season, will also retain his position with
FRESHMAN FORWARD Ted Speers
feels Giordano's decision to stay will
help the team. "I think it will help out a
lot," he said. "He's been here a year
and will be able -to help out the new
coach, Wilf Martin.
Stylish and Handsome
Anorak Nylon Pullover
Entire Jacket may be
folded into its own large
zippered kangaroo pocket,
and then put on your belt.
protection from wind,
cold and rain.
-Suntex 210 water-repellant nylon
- Folds into its own storage pocket.
- Internal drawstring waist.
-Drawstring closure at bottom.
-Drawstring hood with keepers.
oLarge front storage pouch and
separate zipper pocket.'
with this ad!
" Ilk a lm ov edaf ..f
Gymnasts make it close
By LEE KATTERMAN
It was a case of "close but no cigar"
for the five Wolverine gymnasts in last
weekend's NCAA Championship meet.
Admittedly, the competition was
"tremendous," according to Michigan
coach Newt Loken, which helped tem-
ter the thoughts of what might have
For example, the score sheet showed
that senior Jim Varilek and freshman
Kevin McKee both scored 9.35 in the
floor exercise to gain a six-way tie for
17th. But closer inspection of the scores
revealed that the pair had missed the
finals by a mere tenth of a point.
OVER ON the rings, junior and cap-
tain-designate Darrell Yee put together
a solid routine, but overspun his double
ack dismount to land poorly. Even
ith the half-point deduction for his
fall, he scored an 8.9.
For the NCAAs, vaulters were
required to perform two vaults,
whereas during the dual meet season,
there was only one flight per man. Con-
sequently, the Michigan qualifiers,
Chris Van Mierl and McKee, had to per-
fect a second vault for the meet.
"Chris (Van Mierlo) practically
Nebraska. The Cornhuskers captured
first place in the team competition for
the second straight year with a
remarkable team total in the 280's. In
addition, Nebraska's Hartung captured
the all-around title.
Softball wins 7-0
Despite yesterday's thunderstorms
and tornado warnings, the Michigan
women's softball team turned in a
shutout against Jackson Community
College, 7-0, in the first game of a
Sophomore Laura Reed hurled a one-
hitter to up her record to 2-0, as Jackson
managed a harmless single in the third
THE WOLVERINES scored in four of
their six times at bat, getting one run in
each of the second and sixth innings,
three in the third and two in the fifth.
Freshwoman Sandy Tayler and
junior Jeannette Dillay led the
Wolverine offense. Tayler punched two
singles through the Jackson nine to
earn one RBI. Dillay earned two RBIs
on her double.
i v E
U of M Students for the Equal Rights Amendment
0 RALLY FOR T HE
g Gathering Place o heW e
of the Week
Ring in Spring at the Ifillage Well
bebML~~I: 8:00-11:00 p.m.
" Wednesday, April 9
9 On the Plog
with these featured speakers:
Carol King-Michigan NO W
Marilyn Reed- United Steel Workers
Eddie Van Horn-United A uto Workers