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Vol LXXX I X, No. 142
Ann Landers, Michigan-April 1. 1977
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Man who would be king
They say football is king at Michigan, and if
ex-President Gerald Ford has his way they may
soon be right. Ford said yesterday he is "willing
to be King of Ann Arbor, if the people requested
it." Ford will reportedly use his upcoming series
of class lectures at the University to feel out
community support for the idea, addressing such
topics as "Royal Policy arqd City Government"
and "The Divinity of Grand Rapids." C.C. Leslie,
president of the newly-formed Students United for
Monarchy, said the ex-President was eminently
qualified for the position, and several other stu-
dents expressed a heartfelt desire to crown Ford.
"
Finnegan's Wake, Part 1
As a public service, The Daily will today be-
gin to serialize James Joyce's Finnegan's 'Wake
in shorst installments continuously until June 1,
1997. Today's installment:
"riverrun, past Eve and Adam's, from swerve
of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commudi-
us vicus of recirculation back to Howth Castle
and Environs.
Sir Tristam, violer d'amores, frover the short
set, had passencore rearrived from North Armori-
ca on this side the scraggy isthmus of Europe
Minor to wielderfight his penisolate war:"
(Next segment tomorrow). Clip and save each
installment; in twenty years you will have saved
the price of the book.
Happenings
begin at 2 a.m. today, as your roommate
sets off the Quad fire alarm ... join the Insomniac
Political Science League for a brown bag break-
fast consisting of brown bags with melted but-
ter at 7 a.m. in the Green Lounge of East Quad
..Atheists for Christ will meet to discuss the
topic "What's With God, Anyway?" at 9 a.m. in
the Martin Luther Lounge of East Quad ... dere-
lict English majors can gather at 9:30 for the
annual Hopwood Beer Bash. Subversive poetry will
be read ... gaily costumed members of the Hare
Krishna sect will be showing hockey films at 10
a.m. in the Puck Lounge of East Quad. Proceeds
go to buy a hockey franchise for Nepal ... Ella
Fitzgerald will break all the glass in the Michi-
gan Union - and not with her voice, either - at
noon in the Pendleton Arts Information Center ...
Professor Tom Lehrer will lecture on "Analytical
Algebraic Topology of Local Metrisition of Infi-
nitely Differentiable Riemannian Manifolds" in
the Exhaust Lounge of East Quad at 1 p.m. ...
the Michigan Outing Club will be out for an in-
terminate length of time in the Out Lounge of
East Quad ... someone will play the carillon and
everyone will listen ... Stu McConnell and Ken
Parsigian will demonstrate "Vaudeville Massage"
at 4:30 p.m. in the Rub Lounge of East Quad ...
the Carnivore Society presents a potluck and after-
dinner program, "Guess Who We're Having for
Dinner" at 6:30 p.m. in the Meat Lounge of East
Quad. Bring a welPseasoned friend ... Spartacus
Youth League plays host to the President of the
Reykjavik Socialist League, speaking on "The Ris-
ing of the Working-Class Eskimo" at 8:30 p.m. in
the Coldspot Lounge of East Quad ... and the sixth
annual Hash Bash takes place all day today on the
Diag, weather and police permitting.
"
Correction
We regret to inform you that for the past sev-
eral months we have incorrectly labeled Jimmy
Carter as President of the United States. In fact,
no such person exists. The news media, bored to
death with Gerald Ford, simply fabricated the
most unlikely presidential candidate they could
thing of - a southern peanut farmer, who ask-
ed the public to trust him. The two major wire
services - Associated Press and United Press In-
ternational - then conspired to run stories on elec-
tion night declaring Carter the winner, and we,
along with all the other major newspapers, were
duped into believing the chicanery. Our sources
inform us that the actual candidates in last No-
vember's election were Gerald Ford and Zolton
Ferency, but we don't know who won. AP and
UPI are still attempting to keep up the facade
of a Carter presidency, making it impossible to
get any reliable information about who is running
this country. However, as soon as we get any
word on who actually is the president, we will
pass it on to you. Watch this space.
On the inside .. .
Read about Russia's plan to test missiles in
the Ozarks in the Daily Digest, Page 3 ... Chuck
Anesi's "To The Right, Mach Schnell" discusses
the Francisco Franco nobody knew for Editorial
Page ... New Daily cartoonist Pablo Picasso shows
his stuff for Arts Page ... and in sports, the edi-
tors discuss the question "Is Cassius Clay Really
Muhamniad Ali?"
9
By TOM HAYDEN
Ann Arbor, long a hotbed of political radicalism,
caught five last night as an angry crowd of over 2,000
'students converged on the Administration Building de-
manding white-collar jobs with heftier paychecks.
After burning the People's Food Co-Op and "trash-
ing" the offices of the Socialist Human Rights Party
'the mob carried signs reading "Off the Welfare State"
and "Free William Calley" to an Administration' Build-
ing ringed by nervous police.
THE STUDENTS THEN MARCHED to President Robben
Fleming's modest South University bungalow and tacked a list
of demands to. the door,} including:
A VOCAL CROWD of enraged students storms the Ad Building yesterday morning. A University spokesperson called tl
disturbance "discreet."
Adiittor 0go on srike
U'not thown into turmoill
* reinstatement on campus of
Dow Chemical and Chase Man-
hattan Bank-recruiters who, one
demonstrator remarked, "might
be offering attractive corporate
positions."
* a "living and learning"
program vaguely similar to that
of the Residential College, but
patterned after International
Telephone and Telegraph.
**a guaranteed national in-
flation rate of no more than 5
per cent.
* free beer.
Police reported the crowds
were tastefully dressed.
FLEMING, in a statement is-
sued last night, said the Univer-
he sity was willing to consider the
demonstrators' demands. "Sure,
_ we'll consider them," he re-
marked drolly. "We're willing to
consider anything. We consider-
ed affirmative action. We con-
sidered a tuition freeze. Just
don't ask us to do anything."
Under further hostile prodding
from reporters, Fleming admit-
ted that he no longer beats his
V wife.
A group of protestors at the
Chemistry building attempted to
he Ad sing "We Shall Overcome," but
'p with gradually forgot the words. They
rgeois- were easily dispersed by a time-
s. ly afternoon thundershower and
" went two men with a sandwich cart.
.nning No serious violence was re-
e diffi- ported during the afternoon's
disruptions, and one student
most conceded he was on the picket
said lines "because there just isn't
on, sit much to do this weekend."
o 3:00, "We're mad as hell," remark-
0, dis- ed another, "but we sure don't
hikes." know what to do about it."
By JIMMY HOFFA
University a d m i n i strators
(UA's) voted unanimously yes-
terday morning to reject the
latest offer from the students
and campus unions, and walk off
their jobs effective 10:00 a.m.
"The campus will be in tur-
moil by this afternoon!" Union
President Robben Fleming
promised a screaming crowd of
10,000 administrators. "Once
they realize how important we
are they'll be begging to have
us back."
BUT FLEMING'S chauffeur,
Rochester, who is assuming the
president's duties for the dura-
tion of the strike, said he ex-
pected things to go on as usual.
"The loss of a mere 10,00
administrators isn't going to
shut this university down," he
said. "(AFSCME President) Jo-
el Block is taking over as vice
president for academic affairs
for Frank Rhodes, and (GEO
President) Doug Moran will as-
sume Vice President for Finan-
cial Affairs James Brinkerhoff's
post. Several students have of-
fered to replace the various
deans, and we are planning to
hire junior high and high school
students at $2.10 an hour to fill
the remaining positions."
Negotiations broke down last
night when UA's demanded they
be allowed to purchase discount
tickets for football games, and
be permitted to use the Central
Campus Recreation Building.
"JUST WHO DO they think
they're kidding," asked acting
Vice President for Academic Af-
fairs Doug Moran. "They know
as well as we do that that kind
of stuff doesn't belong in a la-
bor contract."
The first day of the strike
was marked by sporadic vio-
lence, including a small band
of terrorists - Rhodes' Raiders
- who kidnaped Ricky Leach
and threatened to "cut off his
left hand" if their demands
weren't met. Other picketers
slashed typewriters in t
Building, and painted "U
red tape, yea for the bou
ie" on dormitory windows
Meanwhile, the "scabs'
about the business of r
the University with little
culty.
"Our secretaries have
of the day planned for us
Rochester. "10:00 to no(
in comfy chair. Noon ti
lunch. And 3:00 to 5:0
cuss tuition and dorm1
Cioty,
Counci~l
"
nixes
downtown
By WILLIAM M. TWEED
In a surprise move last night,
Ann Arbor City Council voted
6-5 in favor of a resolution call
ing for the demolition of the
city's central business district
and its subsequent conversion
into a 12-story parking struc-
ture.
"Downtown wasn't paradise,"
commented councilman Gerald
Bell (R-Fifth Ward) wryly, "but
it clearly had to go."
The dramatic move solved at
one swoop the twin problems of
downtown development, and
parking. Shoppers will now be
able to park their cars down-
town and commute to Briarwood
via a series of line buses, Bell
said.
AFTER A SERIES of heated
conferences this afternoon,
Council's five Democrats decid-
ed to vote against the proposal.
"We couldn't really think of
any good reasons to oppose the
plan," said Councilman Earl
Greene (D-Second Ward). "But
the Republicans are for it, so
we're against it. Who says two-
party politics aren't alive any-
more?"
Several citizens voiced disap-
proval of the plan and urged"
more consideration for , mass
transportation, but were hooted
down by a larger and more vo-
cal portion of the audience,
which told them to "stick it in
their ear."
Mayor Wheeler is expected to
veto the measure as part of next
week's veto package. In margi-
nally related action, Council dis-
cussed the funding of the B-1
bomber and President Carter's
Cabinet appointments.
GEO begs for contract; U'
asks unconditional surrender
Rhodes cancels 'U';
escapes to Cornell
By DICK REMINGTON
In a financially exigent move, Vice-President for Academic
Affairs Frank "Dusty" Rhodes applied his new program dis-
continuance guidelines campus-wide yesterday -- liquidating the
entire University with the exception of the Academic Affairs
Office.
"It just isn't cricket to ask the taxpayers and students to
support classes and extracurricular activities of inferior quality,"
the Ivy-bound administrator reasoned in a special Regents meet-
ing.
FOOTBALL COACH BO SCHEMBECHLER was delighted with
the move.
"Now we won't have to forge records, and all that other
academic nonsense," he said. "We can just get down to the busi-
ness of playing football, something we've done very little of
the last few years."
Rhodes, who will leave the University this July to assume
the presidency of Cornell, admitted that his new job played -a
major role in his decision to off the University.
"If I can't run Michigan, then no one can," the terribly pol-
ished administrator said with his delicate B-r-r-ritish accent.
"Besides, Michigan is one of Cornell's peer institutions, and I
figured if I trashed UM, that would mean more good students
- and more important good athletes - for my school."
In his farewell to the University speech Rhodes wished the
University community well and reminded the last one out to
turn off the lights.
By MORA THSAME
The Graduate Employe Organ-
ization (GEO) yesterday pre-
sented the University with its
25th proposal package which in-
cluded such minute concessions
as a 50 per cent pay cut and
a memorandum of understand-
ing which would allow the Ad-
ministration to fire all minority
graduate student assistants
(GSAs).
"They're prematurely senile
if they think they'll ever come
close enough to satisfy the Uni-
versity," said Chief University
Bargainer John "Boy Wonder"
Forsyth.
"WHAT MORE could they
want," asked Forsyth after the
48-hour bargaining session in
Mickey Rat's Pinball Arcade.
"We've already agreed to keep
discussion section size down to
100, but there's no way in hell
we're going to put issues like
salary and work hours into a
labor contract. They simply
aren't contract issues."
"Look, we'll do anything to
get a contract," said Union
President Doug Moran who
handcuffed himself to University
President Robben Fleming last
November when contract talks
broke down.
But a feisty Fleming contend-
ed, "It would take a lot more
than this appendage to keep me
down. I've already single-hand-
edly busted seven unions since
November, and I'm saving the
best for last."
DESPITE FLEMING'S rant-
ings, Forsyth still holds that the
University "isn't out to break
the union.
"We've said all along that
GEO provides a vital service
to someone on this campus-me.
If it weren't for these marathon
negotiations I'd be out of a
job," said Forsyth just mo-
ments before he set fire to GEO
headquarters.
Some 1994 GSA's were on hand
to cheer Forsyth on, and they
fed the fire with GEO litera-
ture.
"This is just what we needed
to get everyone together," said
one GSA. "I haven't seen such
a big turnout since Doug Mo-
ran said he'd die if more than
100 members showed up for the
last mass meeting."
MEANWHILE, MORAN was
meeting with the five other
hard-core GEO sympathizers in
the second floor Mason Hall
john, stall No. 3, to plan fu-
ture strategy. The six voted by
an overwhelming margin to go
out on strike, and "bring the
University to its knees," if their
demands are not met by 12:00
noon, April 14, 1989.
Among those demands was a
cry that the University sever
all ties with Equatorial Guinea,
and free all political prisoners
that the University holds there.
But Fleming was adamant
about that point.
"Come hell or high water, we
will never give up Guinea. I'd
rather die first," said the Uni-
versity president who was ' in
seclusion at his European of-
fice in San Marino.
MSA plans life or
death referendum
By HUEY LONG
Members of Michigan-Student Assembly (MSA) last night
voted unanimously for a September referendum to decide wheth-
er MSA should exist, calling the resounding defeat of last year's
referendum to fund the student governing body "an advisory
vote."
"We don't feel the students were voting against money for
MSA per se," said MSA's Scott Kellman, "they were simply vot-
ing against money."
The September referendum to dissolve MSA will be the fifty-
ninth such proposal in two years. "They've just never been word-
ed quite right," one Inember stated.
In other action, MSA appropriated $500 to fund a study aimed
at discovering whether Ann Arbor residents are younger than
inhabitants of other cities, and unanimously approved a resolu-
tion to boycott air "until they clean it up some.'
From Mao ... to Belcher and back again?
By LIN CHIAO PING
Backers of Mayor Albert Wheeler yes-
terday blasted campaign literature in which
Republican mayoral candidate Louis Bel-
cher claims the support of a former Chi-
nese Communist.
fying his stand to win radical communists
to his Republican platform.
"The imperialist running dog Democrats
must be resolutely resisted," Belcher ven-
tured yesterday to a group of students.
"Death to the New Deal revisionists!"
that the Wheeler camp plans to make up.
for its loss of support on the left by branch-
ing out to the conservative community.
"NOW I KNOW I SAID we'd spend fed-
eral money to improve social services,"
mammmmen
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