OFF AMY CARTER! See Editorial Page Y 4br t lb It 7 LAMBLIKE See Today for obfuscation Latest deadline in the state/slowest delivery in the world Y Vol LXXX I X, No. 142 Ann Landers, Michigan-April 1. 1977 aet ? Paaesp' p~rice-wihateve~r w e nc 1-'*"~~ ut , ca, %3 Students storm Ad Bldg., demand jobs IFnuSrFwsQcAu.ZtIY Man who would be king They say football is king at Michigan, and if ex-President Gerald Ford has his way they may soon be right. Ford said yesterday he is "willing to be King of Ann Arbor, if the people requested it." Ford will reportedly use his upcoming series of class lectures at the University to feel out community support for the idea, addressing such topics as "Royal Policy arqd City Government" and "The Divinity of Grand Rapids." C.C. Leslie, president of the newly-formed Students United for Monarchy, said the ex-President was eminently qualified for the position, and several other stu- dents expressed a heartfelt desire to crown Ford. " Finnegan's Wake, Part 1 As a public service, The Daily will today be- gin to serialize James Joyce's Finnegan's 'Wake in shorst installments continuously until June 1, 1997. Today's installment: "riverrun, past Eve and Adam's, from swerve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commudi- us vicus of recirculation back to Howth Castle and Environs. Sir Tristam, violer d'amores, frover the short set, had passencore rearrived from North Armori- ca on this side the scraggy isthmus of Europe Minor to wielderfight his penisolate war:" (Next segment tomorrow). Clip and save each installment; in twenty years you will have saved the price of the book. Happenings begin at 2 a.m. today, as your roommate sets off the Quad fire alarm ... join the Insomniac Political Science League for a brown bag break- fast consisting of brown bags with melted but- ter at 7 a.m. in the Green Lounge of East Quad ..Atheists for Christ will meet to discuss the topic "What's With God, Anyway?" at 9 a.m. in the Martin Luther Lounge of East Quad ... dere- lict English majors can gather at 9:30 for the annual Hopwood Beer Bash. Subversive poetry will be read ... gaily costumed members of the Hare Krishna sect will be showing hockey films at 10 a.m. in the Puck Lounge of East Quad. Proceeds go to buy a hockey franchise for Nepal ... Ella Fitzgerald will break all the glass in the Michi- gan Union - and not with her voice, either - at noon in the Pendleton Arts Information Center ... Professor Tom Lehrer will lecture on "Analytical Algebraic Topology of Local Metrisition of Infi- nitely Differentiable Riemannian Manifolds" in the Exhaust Lounge of East Quad at 1 p.m. ... the Michigan Outing Club will be out for an in- terminate length of time in the Out Lounge of East Quad ... someone will play the carillon and everyone will listen ... Stu McConnell and Ken Parsigian will demonstrate "Vaudeville Massage" at 4:30 p.m. in the Rub Lounge of East Quad ... the Carnivore Society presents a potluck and after- dinner program, "Guess Who We're Having for Dinner" at 6:30 p.m. in the Meat Lounge of East Quad. Bring a welPseasoned friend ... Spartacus Youth League plays host to the President of the Reykjavik Socialist League, speaking on "The Ris- ing of the Working-Class Eskimo" at 8:30 p.m. in the Coldspot Lounge of East Quad ... and the sixth annual Hash Bash takes place all day today on the Diag, weather and police permitting. " Correction We regret to inform you that for the past sev- eral months we have incorrectly labeled Jimmy Carter as President of the United States. In fact, no such person exists. The news media, bored to death with Gerald Ford, simply fabricated the most unlikely presidential candidate they could thing of - a southern peanut farmer, who ask- ed the public to trust him. The two major wire services - Associated Press and United Press In- ternational - then conspired to run stories on elec- tion night declaring Carter the winner, and we, along with all the other major newspapers, were duped into believing the chicanery. Our sources inform us that the actual candidates in last No- vember's election were Gerald Ford and Zolton Ferency, but we don't know who won. AP and UPI are still attempting to keep up the facade of a Carter presidency, making it impossible to get any reliable information about who is running this country. However, as soon as we get any word on who actually is the president, we will pass it on to you. Watch this space. On the inside .. . Read about Russia's plan to test missiles in the Ozarks in the Daily Digest, Page 3 ... Chuck Anesi's "To The Right, Mach Schnell" discusses the Francisco Franco nobody knew for Editorial Page ... New Daily cartoonist Pablo Picasso shows his stuff for Arts Page ... and in sports, the edi- tors discuss the question "Is Cassius Clay Really Muhamniad Ali?" 9 By TOM HAYDEN Ann Arbor, long a hotbed of political radicalism, caught five last night as an angry crowd of over 2,000 'students converged on the Administration Building de- manding white-collar jobs with heftier paychecks. After burning the People's Food Co-Op and "trash- ing" the offices of the Socialist Human Rights Party 'the mob carried signs reading "Off the Welfare State" and "Free William Calley" to an Administration' Build- ing ringed by nervous police. THE STUDENTS THEN MARCHED to President Robben Fleming's modest South University bungalow and tacked a list of demands to. the door,} including: A VOCAL CROWD of enraged students storms the Ad Building yesterday morning. A University spokesperson called tl disturbance "discreet." Adiittor 0go on srike U'not thown into turmoill * reinstatement on campus of Dow Chemical and Chase Man- hattan Bank-recruiters who, one demonstrator remarked, "might be offering attractive corporate positions." * a "living and learning" program vaguely similar to that of the Residential College, but patterned after International Telephone and Telegraph. **a guaranteed national in- flation rate of no more than 5 per cent. * free beer. Police reported the crowds were tastefully dressed. FLEMING, in a statement is- sued last night, said the Univer- he sity was willing to consider the demonstrators' demands. "Sure, _ we'll consider them," he re- marked drolly. "We're willing to consider anything. We consider- ed affirmative action. We con- sidered a tuition freeze. Just don't ask us to do anything." Under further hostile prodding from reporters, Fleming admit- ted that he no longer beats his V wife. A group of protestors at the Chemistry building attempted to he Ad sing "We Shall Overcome," but 'p with gradually forgot the words. They rgeois- were easily dispersed by a time- s. ly afternoon thundershower and " went two men with a sandwich cart. .nning No serious violence was re- e diffi- ported during the afternoon's disruptions, and one student most conceded he was on the picket said lines "because there just isn't on, sit much to do this weekend." o 3:00, "We're mad as hell," remark- 0, dis- ed another, "but we sure don't hikes." know what to do about it." By JIMMY HOFFA University a d m i n i strators (UA's) voted unanimously yes- terday morning to reject the latest offer from the students and campus unions, and walk off their jobs effective 10:00 a.m. "The campus will be in tur- moil by this afternoon!" Union President Robben Fleming promised a screaming crowd of 10,000 administrators. "Once they realize how important we are they'll be begging to have us back." BUT FLEMING'S chauffeur, Rochester, who is assuming the president's duties for the dura- tion of the strike, said he ex- pected things to go on as usual. "The loss of a mere 10,00 administrators isn't going to shut this university down," he said. "(AFSCME President) Jo- el Block is taking over as vice president for academic affairs for Frank Rhodes, and (GEO President) Doug Moran will as- sume Vice President for Finan- cial Affairs James Brinkerhoff's post. Several students have of- fered to replace the various deans, and we are planning to hire junior high and high school students at $2.10 an hour to fill the remaining positions." Negotiations broke down last night when UA's demanded they be allowed to purchase discount tickets for football games, and be permitted to use the Central Campus Recreation Building. "JUST WHO DO they think they're kidding," asked acting Vice President for Academic Af- fairs Doug Moran. "They know as well as we do that that kind of stuff doesn't belong in a la- bor contract." The first day of the strike was marked by sporadic vio- lence, including a small band of terrorists - Rhodes' Raiders - who kidnaped Ricky Leach and threatened to "cut off his left hand" if their demands weren't met. Other picketers slashed typewriters in t Building, and painted "U red tape, yea for the bou ie" on dormitory windows Meanwhile, the "scabs' about the business of r the University with little culty. "Our secretaries have of the day planned for us Rochester. "10:00 to no( in comfy chair. Noon ti lunch. And 3:00 to 5:0 cuss tuition and dorm1 Cioty, Counci~l " nixes downtown By WILLIAM M. TWEED In a surprise move last night, Ann Arbor City Council voted 6-5 in favor of a resolution call ing for the demolition of the city's central business district and its subsequent conversion into a 12-story parking struc- ture. "Downtown wasn't paradise," commented councilman Gerald Bell (R-Fifth Ward) wryly, "but it clearly had to go." The dramatic move solved at one swoop the twin problems of downtown development, and parking. Shoppers will now be able to park their cars down- town and commute to Briarwood via a series of line buses, Bell said. AFTER A SERIES of heated conferences this afternoon, Council's five Democrats decid- ed to vote against the proposal. "We couldn't really think of any good reasons to oppose the plan," said Councilman Earl Greene (D-Second Ward). "But the Republicans are for it, so we're against it. Who says two- party politics aren't alive any- more?" Several citizens voiced disap- proval of the plan and urged" more consideration for , mass transportation, but were hooted down by a larger and more vo- cal portion of the audience, which told them to "stick it in their ear." Mayor Wheeler is expected to veto the measure as part of next week's veto package. In margi- nally related action, Council dis- cussed the funding of the B-1 bomber and President Carter's Cabinet appointments. GEO begs for contract; U' asks unconditional surrender Rhodes cancels 'U'; escapes to Cornell By DICK REMINGTON In a financially exigent move, Vice-President for Academic Affairs Frank "Dusty" Rhodes applied his new program dis- continuance guidelines campus-wide yesterday -- liquidating the entire University with the exception of the Academic Affairs Office. "It just isn't cricket to ask the taxpayers and students to support classes and extracurricular activities of inferior quality," the Ivy-bound administrator reasoned in a special Regents meet- ing. FOOTBALL COACH BO SCHEMBECHLER was delighted with the move. "Now we won't have to forge records, and all that other academic nonsense," he said. "We can just get down to the busi- ness of playing football, something we've done very little of the last few years." Rhodes, who will leave the University this July to assume the presidency of Cornell, admitted that his new job played -a major role in his decision to off the University. "If I can't run Michigan, then no one can," the terribly pol- ished administrator said with his delicate B-r-r-ritish accent. "Besides, Michigan is one of Cornell's peer institutions, and I figured if I trashed UM, that would mean more good students - and more important good athletes - for my school." In his farewell to the University speech Rhodes wished the University community well and reminded the last one out to turn off the lights. By MORA THSAME The Graduate Employe Organ- ization (GEO) yesterday pre- sented the University with its 25th proposal package which in- cluded such minute concessions as a 50 per cent pay cut and a memorandum of understand- ing which would allow the Ad- ministration to fire all minority graduate student assistants (GSAs). "They're prematurely senile if they think they'll ever come close enough to satisfy the Uni- versity," said Chief University Bargainer John "Boy Wonder" Forsyth. "WHAT MORE could they want," asked Forsyth after the 48-hour bargaining session in Mickey Rat's Pinball Arcade. "We've already agreed to keep discussion section size down to 100, but there's no way in hell we're going to put issues like salary and work hours into a labor contract. They simply aren't contract issues." "Look, we'll do anything to get a contract," said Union President Doug Moran who handcuffed himself to University President Robben Fleming last November when contract talks broke down. But a feisty Fleming contend- ed, "It would take a lot more than this appendage to keep me down. I've already single-hand- edly busted seven unions since November, and I'm saving the best for last." DESPITE FLEMING'S rant- ings, Forsyth still holds that the University "isn't out to break the union. "We've said all along that GEO provides a vital service to someone on this campus-me. If it weren't for these marathon negotiations I'd be out of a job," said Forsyth just mo- ments before he set fire to GEO headquarters. Some 1994 GSA's were on hand to cheer Forsyth on, and they fed the fire with GEO litera- ture. "This is just what we needed to get everyone together," said one GSA. "I haven't seen such a big turnout since Doug Mo- ran said he'd die if more than 100 members showed up for the last mass meeting." MEANWHILE, MORAN was meeting with the five other hard-core GEO sympathizers in the second floor Mason Hall john, stall No. 3, to plan fu- ture strategy. The six voted by an overwhelming margin to go out on strike, and "bring the University to its knees," if their demands are not met by 12:00 noon, April 14, 1989. Among those demands was a cry that the University sever all ties with Equatorial Guinea, and free all political prisoners that the University holds there. But Fleming was adamant about that point. "Come hell or high water, we will never give up Guinea. I'd rather die first," said the Uni- versity president who was ' in seclusion at his European of- fice in San Marino. MSA plans life or death referendum By HUEY LONG Members of Michigan-Student Assembly (MSA) last night voted unanimously for a September referendum to decide wheth- er MSA should exist, calling the resounding defeat of last year's referendum to fund the student governing body "an advisory vote." "We don't feel the students were voting against money for MSA per se," said MSA's Scott Kellman, "they were simply vot- ing against money." The September referendum to dissolve MSA will be the fifty- ninth such proposal in two years. "They've just never been word- ed quite right," one Inember stated. In other action, MSA appropriated $500 to fund a study aimed at discovering whether Ann Arbor residents are younger than inhabitants of other cities, and unanimously approved a resolu- tion to boycott air "until they clean it up some.' From Mao ... to Belcher and back again? By LIN CHIAO PING Backers of Mayor Albert Wheeler yes- terday blasted campaign literature in which Republican mayoral candidate Louis Bel- cher claims the support of a former Chi- nese Communist. fying his stand to win radical communists to his Republican platform. "The imperialist running dog Democrats must be resolutely resisted," Belcher ven- tured yesterday to a group of students. "Death to the New Deal revisionists!" that the Wheeler camp plans to make up. for its loss of support on the left by branch- ing out to the conservative community. "NOW I KNOW I SAID we'd spend fed- eral money to improve social services," mammmmen 1''..'