Sunday, September 30, 1973
THE MICHIGAN DAILY
Sunday, September 30, 1973 THE MICHIGAN DAILY Page Five
................ I ......... . . . ...................
By JETHRO KLOSS
I CAN DESCRIBE the scound-
rel down to the slightest de-
He walks with a distinctive
limp. His leg is nothing more
than dead weight clinging by its
roots. His stringy black hair is
laminated with a thick layer of
vaseline. It dangles over a face,
pock-marked and colored by red,
fesitering pimples. Snot rolls
from his nostrils onto his upper
lip. And those fingernails; long
and menacing with an undercoat
of grime and soot.
This must be the way he look-
ed the night he broke into my
apartment. The night that the
son-of-a-bitch ° ripped-off my
I HAD HEARD that this hap-
pened before. Dope that lies
around unguarded .has a habit of
disappearing with the grace and
speed of Svengali himself.
On Tuesday night some un-
scrupulous knave plucked three
ounces of marijuana, and one-
half ounce of hashish from my
I had considered myself care-
ful. I didn't deal. I always kept
my stash packed neatly away. I
assumed that a burglar would.
opt for my stereo or typewriter
before rummaging through draw-
ers that might yield nothing
more than pencil shavings and
BUT THIS SLIMY character's
hunger is not easily satiated by
a routine diet of stereos, tv., and
other fenceable items.
He has the style and brains
to realize that stealing dope is
practically hassle-free. It leaves
the victim stupified and power-
I couldn't report the theft to the
police. Imagine the scene . . .
I RUSH frantically downtown
to the police station. Breathless-
ly I plead with the desk ser-
"Please sir, Please sir,' some-
one has.just stolen my stash."
"Fill out this form, itemize the
goods and we will take it from
there," he replies soberly.
In a rush I scrible, "O n e
ounce Colombian tops, two ounc-
es Jamacian bush, one-half ounce
Red Lebanese hash," and hand
He reads the form carefully,
looks my way, points, and
scoffs: "It serves you right you
dumb bastard, get your ass out
I just don't think he'd under-
Our culprit is out for more
than just a quick profit. He en-
joys the frustration, he evokes
the powerlessness of his prey.
He enjoys that extra knee to the
crotch while his opponent is
helplessly tied up on the ropes.
Stereos and such are easily re-
placed by some enormous, face-
less insurance company in Hart-
ford, Conn. Not even Lloyds of
London would assume liability
for somebody's stash.
THIS IS HOW our fiend thinks;
this is how he acts. Ironically he
feeds off of those of us long ago
disregarded our paranoia and
became more open about our
friend's brother who knew some-
body, who knew somebody . . .
That was when an ounce was
40 per cent catnip and- in-
evitably 7 grams short.
AT THE SAME time parents
still believed that marijuana was
a 'derivitive of heroin, smuggled
into this country by Negroes, and
From whence the stash came .. .
I long ago threw away t h at
molding cigar box in w h i z h I
used to hide my dope. It was a
decaying vestige from the days
when I knew nothing of dope
thefts, and lived rather in dire
fear of being busted by the po-
lice or maybe worse, by my
Those were the pre-Wood-
stock days when kids were still
getting off on Iron Butterfly,
buying their dope from their best
smoked only by those residing in
.Getting busted by your par-
ents was enough to make your
mothers heart go bad, enough
to make your father's business
go down the drain.
AND THEN I MOVED to Ann
Arbor, where comparatively,
dope smoking was bliss.
Bliss is not having to spray
your room with Right Guard
so that the folks can't smell that
tell-tale odor. Bliss is discover-
ing that they grow marijuana in
such places as Jamaica or Co-
Bliss, once upon a time, was
collecting a really good stash.
A stash of which you could be
proud. A stash of various strains
that mixed well and could suit
any mood or need. It had taken
me months of hard work and
epicurean selection to accomp-
lish this task. The thought of my
beautiful stash now sitting in the
slimy, grimey, hands of that
thief is painful.
But the pain goes deeper than
THIS CROOK has sent me
back into a state of mind that
I had abandoned nearly four
years ago. Back to the d a y s
o romantic comedy by
October 3-6, 1973
Tickets $2.50, $3.00
when smoking dope was coup-
led by the strange bedfellow of
fear. I no longer know who to
trust. I unconsciously find my-
self doubting the honestly of even
my closest friends.
All this just because of that
amoral leach who I have never
Jethro Kloss is a pseudonym as-
sumed by the wr/ter out of a creep-
ing fear tha't he may be busted, or
worse, ripped off again.
U of M and EMU NITE
Bring Student I.D. and get in FREE
DISCOUNTS ON PITCHERS OF BEER
341 S. MAIN-ANN ARBOR
A Moving Experience in Sound and Light
the week as it was
Fbent iig TeaSGC's size was somewhat more Meanwhile, various financial money in there (the budget), I'd
wieldy, they were beginning to departments within the Univer- sure like to see it." Now he has.
have problems attracting a sity seem to be using different By week's end, the officials
The formal script invitations goodly number of candidates, methods of statistical analysis. in financial analysis claimed their
went out i an issue of the Daily. This year, in the independent Pierpont has said that while lips were sealed and they stop-
The University student b o d y housing, by way of sad example, the tuition increase averaged 24 ped talking, but there had al-
was invited to attend a tea at only two persons signed up for per cent, the "weighted ii- ready been too much talking
the home of President and Mrs. six available ositions out of both sides of mouths fo
Robben Fleming on Thursday. i valbepostos crease" or actual increase in ouofbtsieofm thfo
revenue, was closer to 20 pe: terse "no comments" to do much
When the appointed day arriv- Even a cursory consideration cent. But an Office of Financial good.
ed, some 400 people showed up of the implications of that fact Analysis staffer informed t h W *
to drink punch, eat cookies and is disturbing: any fascist gork, Daily that both the regular and
exchange pleasantries with the complete incompetent or func- weighted increase amounted to Oops!
host and hostess. tional illiterate could snatch a the same figure - 24 per cent. Due to an error of transmis-
One political infiltrator circu seat on SGC,sand thereby fur- A 'best case' estimate comput- sion, as somedistinguished col-
lated a tuition petition and a few ther shatter its credibility. ed this week by Vice President laushv enkont u
men came in drag but most All is not lost, however. At for Academic Affairs A1la it, we goofedlast week. The
of the people in attendance left least one party, running in the Smith revealed that under op- pensive looking man referred 'o
their politics and jeans at home. LSA division, has seen fit to timum circumstances the tuition in this space as Alan Smith, Vice-
"You don't confront people inl combine humor - with purpose. hike could produce extra reven- President for Academic Affairs,
their living room," one student Jim Barahal, an undergraduatehiescou$.mprodc frreeU- wsiaetfa dmic AffPirs,
said. senior, is running on the Dump ues of $2.4 million for the Uni- was actually' Wilbur Pierpont,
Fleming said that the annual Orr Party - its sole platformu versitv. Smiththad earlier aco-tApol sChief Financial Officer.
open house is held because he and 'purpose being to dump bas- mne:"fteesayeta Aoois
likes to meet students and "let ketball coach Johnny Orr.
them know people live here", * *URRYENDS WED.
but just think: What would hap- H oR E on Tuition WE5.
pen if the Flemings gave a party OP 12:45
and everyone actually came? SHOWS AT 1, 3, 5, 7, 9 P.M.
University officials slammed Feature 20 min. later
* * * their briefcases shut Wednesday
and refused to release informa- She's 6 feet 2" of
tion detailing the calculations Dynamite!
which led to this year's 24 per-
Apparently neither the tuition cent tuition increase. a
strike nor the high visibility of Wilbur Pierpont, chief Univer- TEcHNIcoLOR@
vocal SGC President Lee Gill sity financial officer, explained PANAVISION
has inspired any kind of re- the action by saying, "Every- - - -
newed interest in a nearly mori- body will have a different idea STARTS THURSDAY: "JESUS CHRIST, SUPERSTAR
bund student government, about what it means." STARTS___ THURSDAY:____JESUS__CHRIST, ___SUPERSTAR__
Trying to engineer s m o o t h _---- ____
SGC elections has been an em-
barrassingly futile effort f o r
.campus bureaucrats in the last \ I
few years, and the early tidings -
ewarur urasTHE FELLINI FESTIVAL
for this year's are no better. A
pointlessly confusing system now
allots 42 seats to various cam- L BE
them residence halls, independ-
ent housing and LSA. This film about a trio of con men is
The problem is that even when
Th __be s vsometimes seen as the middle part of
a "triology of solitude" that includes
CAMPUS THEATRE La Strado and Nights of Cbiria. It
DIA A. I68V4I features Broderick Crawford, Richard
Sat, sun. and wed. at 1, 3 Basehart and Guilietta Masina.
7, 9 p.m. Other days at 7 & 9 only
D AFREE Showing: Fellini: A Director's
Notebook, at 6 and 10:30
is an exquisite
iovie: TUES.: W.C. Fields in
-REX REEDTH BAKDC
Syndicated Cohumnst THE BANK DICK
A NOVEL BY
HERANN E ARCHITECTURE AUD.
FILMBYINEMA GUILD Tonight at ADM.
ROOKS 7 and 9:05
CINEMA II and ANN ARBOR FILM COOP
TWO ENGLISH G RLS
A r A . * I Al A - I I -t _
JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR is a controversial movie.
It is coming soon to our theatre. Some of the more con-
se'rvative members of our community may think it's
not so great. Some, perhaps, even that it is sacrileg-
ious. I reserved my opinion until I saw it because ,
too, was skeptical.
Now that I have seen it (it's rated "G") I think its one
of the greatest motion pictures ever to play our theatre
and I heartily endorse it for the appreciation of all.
However, should any patron feel this picture not worth
the admission we will cheerfully give them a "rain
check" for a future movie.
It has long been a policy of this theatre not to exhibit
offensive motion pictures. However, we have never
avoided controversial subjects. JESUS CHRIST SUPER-
STAB has been endorsed by many leading publications
throughout the United States as an important motion
picture ... indeed, great cinema.
I invite you to be a judge. I respect the collective
judgments of the various publications which have
acclaimed the film, and I will most certainly respect
south sFrederick G. Caryl
SS T A T EManager
..T- ee .h..4.4 State Theatre