Friday, October 10, 1969
THE MICHIGAN DAILY
By JOHN STROPS
Will the uac muggers show up
today? This is the question plagu-
ing the Daily Libels, grid division
of the Revolutionary Vanguard
Clarence "Biggie" Copi, some-;
tme coach of the fierce Libel
squad, and who threatens to play:
if "my wife will let me out," said
"We're gonna be out at Wines
Field at 5:00 this afternoon, but
I'm really worried about t h o s e
honkie mugger slobs getting up
the guts to show up.
"We've murdered them 78 years
in a row now, and I just don't
know if those pansies can take it
any more. It would be a bad
psychological blow to my boys to
have to forget about this o n e.
They've been high for two weeks
Fans may remember that mug-
ger spy, Rod Robert, begged off
last week atfer witnessing a typi-
cal Libel practice session in which
killer tackle, center, receiver, etc.,
Ron "Loathsome" Landsman be-
came excited and bit a police dog
to death when it tried to r u n
through a team huddle.
But Landsman is not the only
maniac the Libels will field today.
The undefeated, untried, and un-
scored upon (in 78 years, ofI
cours,) football steamroller also
boasts of the nation's top quar-
terback, Jelly Bean Neubacher.
Neubacher threw for 50,067 yards
and ran for 21,098 more in last
season's 6-12 whitewash of the
At split end will be the nation's
fastest, strongest, quic ke s t,
smoothest, to say nothing of his
sticky fingers, pass-catcher ever,
DT's Cusumano. "We ain't fooling
around this year," said the mo-
dest star, as he honed the edges
of his baseball spikes with a file.
"We've been bombed on South-
'rn Comfort for three weeks try-
ing to get in shape to take this
Cusumano claims he owes every-
thing he is today to his scienti-
fic drinking and smoking program
he has followed religiously since
he was 13.
While Cusumano is running cir-
cles around the mugger "defense,"
and the term "defense" is used
loosely, two other potential All-
Americans will be helping to per-
petrate the cruel joke. Hopalong
Hannes, a 9.2 wind-aided sprinter
is set to languish in the end zone
waiting for a few long bombs to
come his way. Opening the middle
of the mugger "defense" from his
center spot will be ferocious
"Monster Man" O'Donoghue.
The stingy Libel defense, which
leads the nation in all depart-
ments is headed Foxy Forrester.
"We haven't figured out what we
re going to do yet," he said yes-
terday, "but they don't have a
damn thing and I hear they don't
even plan to bring their billy clubs,
so why get all worked up about it?
As soon as I smell the odor of
their pig hides, the defensive
alignment will come to."
When Forrester was told that
the muggers plan to start three
avovew fascist including Curt
"Bomb the Commies" Dismay, he
exclaimed, "By God, if those finko
rats want to cheat again this year,
they've had it. I'm going to throw
my LSA Building defense at 'em.
Just let 'em try to gain one yard!"
The only doubtful starter for
today's "contest" is Buster Block,
who was the only one of the 107
who couldn't raise bail. "We may
take up a collection on the Diag
at noon today," said Coach Copi,
"if the Concerned Citizens of Ann
Arbor don't come through."
As for the uac game plans, a
team spokesman said, "I don't
know anything about any game
with the Libels. I didn't even know
those brilliant newspapermen had
It was learned by the Daily late
yesterday, however, that the lying I
mugger child molesters have been
feverishly plotting deep within
the uac building since early this
year. One wonders why they
should even bother, but as DT's'
said, "Losers are always wel-
A throng of 50,000 screaming'
idiots is expected at the game to-
day, but Copi warned all onlookers
of a recent court injunction. "The,
injunction stipulates that anyone
heard saying a good word about,
the uac dogs will be beaten over
the head and busted for conten-
"The local hanging judges feel1
so strongly about this," he added,
"that offenders will be lucky to
I get off with 399 solitary years ini
I Sheriff Honky's dog house."
uac muggers plta rattack
I . I
As the communication from uac which ran in this space yester-
day proves, the uac muggers have once again turned on their tails
and are on the run before the mighty Daily Libels. Since the mug-
gers know that they will be ignomiously defeated this afternoon on
the football field, they have resorted to the only tactic left, a smear
campaign. However, as those who read the uac communique know, the
muggers are no better at writing hate letters than they are at playing
They are even worse at writing gridde pickings. An example of
their incompetence, a paid advertisement with their putrid gritty
picks head, runs on page eight. The muggers failed miserably in their
attempt to act nasty, demonstrating only that they are illiterate as
well as ignorant. If they can find enough courage in whatever it
is they drink from those brown paper bags to show up today, they
will only show how stupid they really are.
In the event that any muggers are able to walk at the conclusion
of today's festivities, The Daily will send them complimentary tickets
to the next Johnny Carson performance on campus. For those mug-
gers not fortunate enough to walk away from the altercation, con-
tributions to the mugger memorial fund may be sent to The Daily
where proceeds will be used to help celebrate the people's triumph.
It makes any sedan as big _as our Squareback sedan.
Murtaugh, Anderson receive
head baseball licenses early
By The Associated Pres
Without it, none comes close.
The Volkswagen Squareback Sedan
has 31.2 cu. ft. of carrying space. (48.9
with its rear seat down.)
The next biggest sedan has only 22.1
cu' ft. (And a good part of that is taken
up by the spare.)
Of course, we admit the difference
doesn't matter if you're carrying only a
suitcase or two.
But let's say you're out and you find a
good deal on an antique chest that's
about 5' long. Or a stereo console that's
cash and carry.
What do you do?
With any other sedan, you get a
With theVW Squareback, you haul it.
only manager to give the Pitts-
burgh Pirates a world champion
since 1927, was again named man-
ager of the National League club
The announcement came in a
haze of secrecy aboard the Gate-
way Clipper, a paddlewheel boat
that inched its way across the
Allegheny River to the new Three
Murtaugh retired after seven
years of managing in 1964 due to
ill health, but General Manager
Joe E. Brown said he is now phy-
sically fit. "He assured me he is
physically sound," Brown said.
The 52-year-old Murtaugh has
been in chal'ge of the Pirate rookie
instructional league and develop-
inent of players for the past three
years. He also served as interim:
manager when Harry Walker was
tired in 1966.
He succeeds Larry Shepard, who
was fired four games before the
1969 season ended. The Pirates.
with four players batting over .300,
linished in third place, 12 games'
behind the New York Mets.
"I wasn't mentally equipped to
manage the club when I came
back the last time," Murtaugh
said aboard the boat.
Brown said there w ere four
other "outstanding candidates fori
the job," but he wouldn't name
them. They were believed to have
been Don Hoak, Bill Virdon, Alex!
Granmas and perhaps Bob Skin-;
Ande-rson. who guided minor
This weekend in Sports
1. Purdue at MICHIGAN
2. Michigan State at OHIO
3. Minnesota at INDIANA
4. IOWA at Wisconsin
5. Northwestern at ILLINOIS
6. COLORADO at Iowa State
7. GEORGIA at Mississippi
8. KANSAS STATE at Kansas
9. Clemson at AUBURN
10. AIR FORCE at North
11. Kentucky at VIRGINIA
12. Nebraska at MISSOURI
13. Navy at PITTSBURGH
14. North Carolina State at
15. TEXAS vs. Oklahoma at
16. West Virginia at PENN
17. Stanford at USC, night
18. Georgia Tech at TENNESSEE
19. Texas A&M at TEXAS
20. DAILY LIBELS vs. uac
Howard Cooper Volkswagen
CROSS COUNTRY-Notre Dame Invitational at Notre Dame.
FOOTBALL-Daily Libels vs uac muggers, Wines Field, 5:00 p.m.
FOOTBALL-Purdue at Michigan Stadium, 1:30 p.m.
RUGBY-Detroit at Ferry Field, 3:00 p.m.
SOCCER-Kentucky at Wines Field, 10:00 a.m.
league teams to four pennants in eral manager. Howsam came to
five years, was appointed yester- Cincinnati from St. Louis in 1957.
day as the Cincinnati Reds man- "I will be fair to Sparky, just as
ager one day after Dave Bristol I believe I was fair to Dave Bristol.
was released. I gave Dave a two-year contract
Anderson, who becomes the ma- so he would have no worry about
jor league's youngest manager at his job. All he had to do was pay
the age of 35, coached San Diego attention to the game."
this year and only Wednesday was In describing his qualificationsj
named a coach for the California for the post, Anderson commented,I
Angels "I never leave anything for
"I appreciate the opportunity granted.'
here," Anderson said at a news The 35-year-old Anderson re-
conference. "This is a very talent- ceived a one-year contract. His
ed ball club. You have to have salary was not disclosed.
talent to win a pennant."
Bristol, 36, was let go after
Robert Howsam, vice president
and general manager, said he felt
the Reds needed a managerial d
change. Howsam offered Bristol a
fr'ont office position.
Howsam introduced Anderson.
saying that he "has an excellent 300 S
record in handling and condition-
ing of pitchers. We sincerely feel
ihe has the potential to become
one of the league's premier man-
Anderson's minor league teams
won four straight pennants and
each year, the farm club was anJA
affiliate of a major league team
of which Howsam served as gen-'
2575 So. State St., Ann Arbor
0 Open Mon. & Thurs. till 9 P.M.
Overseas Delivery Available
BILL CUSUMANO, Associate Sports Editor: (43-17, .717) - Purdue, Ohio
State, Indiana, Iowa, Northwestern, Colorado, Georgia, Kansas State, Au-
burn, Air Force, Virginia Tech, Missouri, Pittsburgh, South Carolina, Texas,
Penn State, Stanford, Tennessee, Texas Tech, DAILY LIBELS.
JIM FORESTER, Associate Sports Editor: (26-14, .650) - MICHIGAN, Ohio
'State, Indiana, Iowa, Illinois, Colorado, Georgia, Kansas State, Auburn. Air
Force, Virginia Tech, Missouri, Pittsburgh,, South Carolina, Texas, Penn
State, USC, Tennessee, ''exas A&M, DAILY LIBELS.
ROBIN WItIGIIT, issociate Sports Editor: (41-19, .683) - MICHIGAN,
Ohio State, Indiana, Iowa, Illinois. Colorado, Georgia, Kansas State, Auburn,
Air Force, Virginia Tech, Missouri, Pittsburgh, South Carolina, Texas, Penn
State, USC, Tennessee, Texas Tech, DAILY LI:ELS.
JOEL BLOCK Sports Editor: (43-17, .717) - MICHIGAN, Ohio State, In-
diana, Iowa, Illinois, Iowa State, Mississippi, Kansas, Auburn, Air Force, Virginia
Tech, Nebraska, Navy, South Carolina, Texas, Penn State, Stanford, Georgia
Tech, Texas Tech, DAILY LIBELS.
ANDY BARBAS, Executive Sports Editor: (42-18, .700) - MICHIGAN, Ohio
State, Indiana, Iowa, Illinois, Colorado, Georgia, Kansas State, Auburn, Air
Force, Virginia Tech, Missouri, Pittsburgh, South Carolina, Texas, Penn State,
Stanford, Tennessee, Texas Tech, DAILY LIBELS.
imnt records inc.
. State-1235 S. University
LS ARE AT IT AGAIN!I
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