Dear
SEPTEMBER 27 - OCTOBER 3, 1987 THE MICHIGAN CITIZEN
Erik
De r Erik,
Ruth, who is my best friend
and h been for a long time,
confided in my husband about
her personal (sex) life. She
also a ed him not to tell me
anything about it, I would
never under and. By ccident
he let it slip and I insisted that
he tell me everything! What
really made me upset wa the
fact that she went to my hus
band with such a personal
problem and not me. I am
suppo d to be her best friend.
She and my husband are friend
and th t just fine with me,
but my question is why would
sh go to him first and then
m e him promise not to tell
me anything. I want to let her
know th t I kno everything
but my husband feel that I
would be rong to go to her
and talk about the problem.
He feels it ould put him in
bad light. I want her to kno
th t she ould have come to
me flr t and th t she w wrong
to go to my husband. What
do you think?
B t Friend,
R.M.,
Roano e Virginia
Erik
up.
Sincerely,
ington
D ar Erik
For the past year I haven't
been dating anyone. y last
boyfriend left me to be with
another man. It took me a long
time to et over that. I w in
love with him and I always
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kne that he didn't feel the
same way but I was hoping that
he would come to love me. I
tried real hard to m e him
love me but it never happened.
ow, I have ju t started seeing
another man and this time he
cares for me a lot more than I
care for him. To be honest with
you, he' just not my type
of man. He's much older than
I am and he never wants to go
out anywhere. He like to come
by for dinner and watch tele
vision. I am only 30 years-old
and he's 47 or there about.
He feels his be t years are over.
I know that mine are not over
and with him I feel old and
u Ie s. But there is no one
el in my life therefore I have
to date him. I don't know what
to do.
P.R.,
Philadelphia, Penn.
Dear P.R.,
You not being hone
with your If or with the m n
that you are no dating. Bein
ith him· m· you un-
happy and you are beginning
to tt for meone out of
de ration. Surely being alone
mu be more beneilCial to your
mental te of health th n
being ith a m th t you don t
bout or re ect, Be fair
If and him by bein
hon Don t aUo thi man
to m e you 10 • t of h t
you really ant and de .
person or relationship. If
you feel that h i ju th wrong
person for you, let him kno
d op ling both your
time and hi Don t j around
nd I t othe
y
Erik ashington
Dear Erik,
Thank you for per nally
answering my n' letter. The
advi e that you gave him to go
to his parents first with hi
drinking problem was not only
sound advice but it brought
the family together. It took
a serious problem to make us
realize how much we all loved
each other. The entire family
is going through coun ling.
We are learning a lot about
ourselves and each other. Thank
you for your help!
r. & r.
Long Be ch California
Doubts signal relapse fo
When a recovering alcoholic
or drug addict starts to doubt
their ability to ay sober and
begin to resume old com
pulsive action or behaviors,
they may be in the proce of
relapsing into their disease.
There are tell-tale sign that
indicate when a chemically de
pendent individual may be slip
ping to relapse, even though
they haven't had their flr t
drink or actually used drug,
according to Kathleen Scarry of
e Horizon Recovery Center.
Scarry i Executive Director of
the treatment facility.
Paraphrasing an Alcoholic
Anonymou dage, Scarry ys
that for the alcoholic, "one
drink is too much and a thou
sand are not enough. n She
explains that total abstinence
is vitally important to the
alcoholic's or addict's long
term sob riety .
Since addiction is progres
sive and ha no cure the ddict
or alcoholic must practice total
abstinence and adopt a life
long recovery program in order
to survive," says carry.
Clinical research has identi
fied at lea t 50 early warning
ignals indicating that a per
son is moving toward relapse.
Among the prevalent sign,
according to Scarry, are:
-An apprehension about
well-being in which the alcoho
lic or addict reports fear or
uncertainty underlined by a lac
of confidence in their ability
to stay sober.
-Their old system of denial
is reactivated in a subconscious
effort to cope with apprehen
sion, anxiety and stress.
- They adopt an adamant
unrealisti commitment to
briety.
-They attempt to impose
briety or standard for re
covery on others.
-They become increasingly
defensive bout their problems
or their recovery program.
-Compulsive, rigid and re
petitive behavior returns, with
attempts to monopolize con
versation or the refusal to com-
- - - Got a problem? eed
an answer? Or do you just want
to talk? Then write to Erik
Washington in care of this news
paper or to: 'Dear Erik', Times
Square Station, P.O. Box 755,
e York, e York 10108-
0755- -
A group of African Americans.
in Muskegon County are conducting
Audience Participation Di cussion
with a video on teen pregnancy.
We are willing to come to public chools,
club, churches and other organizations
any Wednesday or weekend.
CALL 739-5574 '" 726-5311 or 728-751�
municate. There may be a ten
dency to overwork and become
overly active.
-Implusivene also returns,
mo t noticeably with an over
reaction to re .
-Pattern of lonelines , iso
lation and avoidance increase
with excu s for this isolation.
-Tunnel vision ts in with
patients tending to view their
life in isolated fragments.
-Such symptoms of minor
depression a oversleeping and
listles e appear, eventually
followed by deep depression.
-Life planning ills diminish
as wishful thinking replaces
realistic action.
-Plans tart to fail as a
result of unrealisti thinking
and lac of attention to detail.
-Concentration i replaced
with idle daydreaming and wi -
ful thinking.
-Episodes of confusion in
crease in terms of frequency,
duration and verity.
-There is increasing irrita
tion and conflict with friends
as the patient becomes easily
angered, frustrated and resent
ful.
- E ting habits become
irregular and a progressive los
of daily structure ensues.
-Attendance at AA and
other recovery meetings
diminishe , followed by an open
rejection of help.
-D velopment of an I don't
care" attitude and dissatisfaction
with life.
-Feelings of powerle sness
and helple sne s are marked by
an inability to initiate action.
As the relap e process ensue
the individual develops un
reasonable angers and tensions
. and di ontinues all treatment
Scarry says. t this point,
they m e ttempts at con-
- A ON'
.tI··i'.� JA ITORIA
� ERVICE
. ,
Katamazoo. IChgan
Dependability is our P d
(616) 388-2109
Doris
13
alcoho ic
trolled drinkin or drug u "
According to Scarry, people
with long-term sobriety al 0
are susceptible to a rel p ,
especially if they are not main
tainin a program of recovery.
"Alcoholism i never cured, only
arrested," she tate. However,
treatment and recovery are al
ways possible, no matter how
many times a per on has re
lapsed or hatever the ge
of progression.
More information about al
coholism, addiction and relap
are available through e Hori
zon. Thos interested can call
616 927-5433.
B&W
harters, lr.c
CIRCLE CITY CLASSIC
Oct 3rd. & 4th.
Indianapolis, Ind.
TENNESSEE STATE
vs
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MATTIE E.
RODDY .
Ucen d- §aTes RepresentatIve
LIFE & HEALTH
I SURA CE
di
1924 -139 outh
Benton Harbor, I
616/927-1397
Office
616/925-9825
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