Dear
SEPTEMBER 27 - OCTOBER 3, 1987 THE MICHIGAN CITIZEN
Erik
De r Erik,
Ruth, who is my best friend
and h been for a long time,
confided in my husband about
her personal (sex) life. She
also a ed him not to tell me
anything about it, I would
never under and. By ccident
he let it slip and I insisted that
he tell me everything! What
really made me upset wa the
fact that she went to my hus­
band with such a personal
problem and not me. I am
suppo d to be her best friend.
She and my husband are friend
and th t just fine with me,
but my question is why would
sh go to him first and then
m e him promise not to tell
me anything. I want to let her
know th t I kno everything
but my husband feel that I
would be rong to go to her
and talk about the problem.
He feels it ould put him in
bad light. I want her to kno
th t she ould have come to
me flr t and th t she w wrong
to go to my husband. What
do you think?
B t Friend,
R.M.,
Roano e Virginia
Erik
up.
Sincerely,
ington
D ar Erik
For the past year I haven't
been dating anyone. y last
boyfriend left me to be with
another man. It took me a long
time to et over that. I w in
love with him and I always
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kne that he didn't feel the
same way but I was hoping that
he would come to love me. I
tried real hard to m e him
love me but it never happened.
ow, I have ju t started seeing
another man and this time he
cares for me a lot more than I
care for him. To be honest with
you, he' just not my type
of man. He's much older than
I am and he never wants to go
out anywhere. He like to come
by for dinner and watch tele­
vision. I am only 30 years-old
and he's 47 or there about.
He feels his be t years are over.
I know that mine are not over
and with him I feel old and
u Ie s. But there is no one
el in my life therefore I have
to date him. I don't know what
to do.
P.R.,
Philadelphia, Penn.
Dear P.R.,
You not being hone
with your If or with the m n
that you are no dating. Bein
ith him· m· you un-
happy and you are beginning
to tt for meone out of
de ration. Surely being alone
mu be more beneilCial to your
mental te of health th n
being ith a m th t you don t
bout or re ect, Be fair
If and him by bein
hon Don t aUo thi man
to m e you 10 • t of h t
you really ant and de .
person or relationship. If
you feel that h i ju th wrong
person for you, let him kno
d op ling both your
time and hi Don t j around
nd I t othe
y
Erik ashington
Dear Erik,
Thank you for per nally
answering my n' letter. The
advi e that you gave him to go
to his parents first with hi
drinking problem was not only
sound advice but it brought
the family together. It took
a serious problem to make us
realize how much we all loved
each other. The entire family
is going through coun ling.
We are learning a lot about
ourselves and each other. Thank
you for your help!
r. & r.
Long Be ch California
Doubts signal relapse fo
When a recovering alcoholic
or drug addict starts to doubt
their ability to ay sober and
begin to resume old com­
pulsive action or behaviors,
they may be in the proce of
relapsing into their disease.
There are tell-tale sign that
indicate when a chemically de­
pendent individual may be slip­
ping to relapse, even though
they haven't had their flr t
drink or actually used drug,
according to Kathleen Scarry of
e Horizon Recovery Center.
Scarry i Executive Director of
the treatment facility.
Paraphrasing an Alcoholic
Anonymou dage, Scarry ys
that for the alcoholic, "one
drink is too much and a thou­
sand are not enough. n She
explains that total abstinence
is vitally important to the
alcoholic's or addict's long­
term sob riety .
Since addiction is progres­
sive and ha no cure the ddict
or alcoholic must practice total
abstinence and adopt a life­
long recovery program in order
to survive," says carry.
Clinical research has identi­
fied at lea t 50 early warning
ignals indicating that a per­
son is moving toward relapse.
Among the prevalent sign,
according to Scarry, are:
-An apprehension about
well-being in which the alcoho­
lic or addict reports fear or
uncertainty underlined by a lac
of confidence in their ability
to stay sober.
-Their old system of denial
is reactivated in a subconscious
effort to cope with apprehen­
sion, anxiety and stress.
- They adopt an adamant
unrealisti commitment to
briety.
-They attempt to impose
briety or standard for re­
covery on others.
-They become increasingly
defensive bout their problems
or their recovery program.
-Compulsive, rigid and re­
petitive behavior returns, with
attempts to monopolize con­
versation or the refusal to com-
- - - Got a problem? eed
an answer? Or do you just want
to talk? Then write to Erik
Washington in care of this news­
paper or to: 'Dear Erik', Times
Square Station, P.O. Box 755,
e York, e York 10108-
0755- -
A group of African Americans.
in Muskegon County are conducting
Audience Participation Di cussion
with a video on teen pregnancy.
We are willing to come to public chools,
club, churches and other organizations
any Wednesday or weekend.
CALL 739-5574 '" 726-5311 or 728-751�
municate. There may be a ten­
dency to overwork and become
overly active.
-Implusivene also returns,
mo t noticeably with an over­
reaction to re .
-Pattern of lonelines , iso­
lation and avoidance increase
with excu s for this isolation.
-Tunnel vision ts in with
patients tending to view their
life in isolated fragments.
-Such symptoms of minor
depression a oversleeping and
listles e appear, eventually
followed by deep depression.
-Life planning ills diminish
as wishful thinking replaces
realistic action.
-Plans tart to fail as a
result of unrealisti thinking
and lac of attention to detail.
-Concentration i replaced
with idle daydreaming and wi -
ful thinking.
-Episodes of confusion in­
crease in terms of frequency,
duration and verity.
-There is increasing irrita­
tion and conflict with friends
as the patient becomes easily
angered, frustrated and resent­
ful.
- E ting habits become
irregular and a progressive los
of daily structure ensues.
-Attendance at AA and
other recovery meetings
diminishe , followed by an open
rejection of help.
-D velopment of an I don't
care" attitude and dissatisfaction
with life.
-Feelings of powerle sness
and helple sne s are marked by
an inability to initiate action.
As the relap e process ensue
the individual develops un­
reasonable angers and tensions
. and di ontinues all treatment
Scarry says. t this point,
they m e ttempts at con-
- A ON'
.tI··i'.� JA ITORIA
� ERVICE
. ,
Katamazoo. IChgan
Dependability is our P d
(616) 388-2109
Doris
13
alcoho ic
trolled drinkin or drug u "
According to Scarry, people
with long-term sobriety al 0
are susceptible to a rel p ,
especially if they are not main­
tainin a program of recovery.
"Alcoholism i never cured, only
arrested," she tate. However,
treatment and recovery are al­
ways possible, no matter how
many times a per on has re­
lapsed or hatever the ge
of progression.
More information about al­
coholism, addiction and relap
are available through e Hori­
zon. Thos interested can call
616 927-5433.
B&W
harters, lr.c
CIRCLE CITY CLASSIC
Oct 3rd. & 4th.
Indianapolis, Ind.
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vs
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MATTIE E.
RODDY .
Ucen d- §aTes RepresentatIve
LIFE & HEALTH
I SURA CE
di
1924 -139 outh
Benton Harbor, I
616/927-1397
Office
616/925-9825
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