4 | MAY 19 • 2022

for openers
The Frozen Bagel and the Synagogue
I

t usually takes years to get
to the point where you can
make a living as a stand-
up comedian. That applies
to many other professions in
the arts, but it’s
widely known
that you’re prob-
ably not going to
be very good for
a long time.
Accepting
that, and know-
ing you are just
going to have to put in the
time, the “Day Job” as it is
commonly known is going to
be a fact of life. For me, it was
being an elementary school
teaching assistant. Having
gone to Orthodox Jewish day
school, I taught Sunday school
in college for extra cash, and
it seemed like a normal pro-
gression to keep a roof over
my head while I struggled to
get better.
I worked mostly with first-
and second-graders in Jewish
day schools, and getting up
early to get to work became
part of my routine over the
years. As I got more work
doing what I wanted to do, I
went from full-time to part-
time to eventually taking the
plunge and telling the school
I would not be coming back.
While frightening not know-
ing where my next check
would be coming from, I
knew it was time.
Even though I could now
sleep in, I still found myself
waking up before 7 a.m.,
since my body clock had been
adjusted to it for years. I also
found it hard to go to sleep
before midnight since I was
also accustomed to doing my
other job at night performing.

That often involved hanging
out late and naps in the after-
noon (when I could) to keep
me sane.
The one bonus of still
getting up early no matter
what time I went to sleep was
I finally had time to enjoy
breakfast and not feel rushed.
When I was a teaching assis-
tant it usually consisted of a
cup of coffee, and a danish,
or oatmeal in a paper cup at
my desk. Now that I had time,
I was going to enjoy it, and
watch whatever crappy reality
show I had recorded on my
DVR and just relax.
I became a big breakfast guy
and thoroughly enjoyed taking
my time making and eating it.
While I always had my staples
of blueberries, strawberries and
cottage cheese, I’
d rotate out
every other day between a bagel
with lox and cream cheese, and
an omelet with cheese and salsa,
which I’ve since added avocado
to. I grew up in Texas so the
salsa was a must.
I had one problem though, I
keep the bagels frozen (whole
wheat everything in case
you’re wondering) and on
bagel mornings, needed time
for them to defrost when I
pulled one out of the freezer.

Usually about 20 minutes in,
I was fine, and a good knife
could do the job before I
popped it into the toaster.
I would end up bored
though and needed to kill time
waiting for the defrost. This is
where my friend Adam came
in and solved, and ruined, it
for me at the same time.

MY CONVERSATION
WITH ADAM
Adam is what’s known as
a “Baal Tshuvah,” basically
the Jewish version of a born
again. Adam did not grow up
religious but became more
traditional later in life. Nine
times out of 10, they are more
religiously involved than those
of us who grew up with it, and
generally have a much more
spiritual approach.
The rest of us were jaded
early and don’t have as much
of an appreciation for what
we were given as far as Jewish
education, religious practice
etc. I like to poke fun at this
group on stage when I do
Jewish events, but I actually
have a profound respect for
people who take on a more
traditional lifestyle that they
aren’t used to.
I don’t remember how it

came up, but the topic of my
newfound defrosting problem
came up in conversation with
Adam and he had the perfect
solution. “Come to minyan in
the morning at the synagogue,
Avi! Plenty of time for your
bagel to defrost.”
I remember thinking, “Is
this guy nuts?” No way I’m
getting up at 6 a.m. and doing
that. Most guys go early since
they need to get to work.
When I protested and gave
him the “Nice Baal Tshuvah
try,” he told me there was a
7:45 a.m. service he attends. I
smiled and said, we’ll see, but
I honestly had no intention of
going.
After a few days, no matter
what I tried and how late I
went to sleep, I kept getting
up at around 7 a.m. or just
before. If it was a bagel morn-
ing, I’d walk to the grocery
store, maybe buy something I
didn’t need, or procrastinate
some other way. I didn’t like
jumping online since that was
sort of the beginning of my
new workday and wanted to
eat first.
One morning, I woke up
early again, and was just lying
there and thought, “I have
nothing else to do and really
have no excuse. I live across
the street from the synagogue,
I know how to navigate the
service just fine, put on a tallis
and tefillin (traditional prayer
shawl and “phylacteries” as
they are called) so I might as
well go.”
While I went on the
Sabbath, going during the
week was never really in my
plans. I would say a few basic
prayers in the morning, but

Avi Liberman

PURELY COMMENTARY

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