4 | MAY 19 • 2022 

for openers
The Frozen Bagel and the Synagogue
I

t usually takes years to get 
to the point where you can 
make a living as a stand-
up comedian. That applies 
to many other professions in 
the arts, but it’s 
widely known 
that you’re prob-
ably not going to 
be very good for 
a long time. 
 Accepting 
that, and know-
ing you are just 
going to have to put in the 
time, the “Day Job” as it is 
commonly known is going to 
be a fact of life. For me, it was 
being an elementary school 
teaching assistant. Having 
gone to Orthodox Jewish day 
school, I taught Sunday school 
in college for extra cash, and 
it seemed like a normal pro-
gression to keep a roof over 
my head while I struggled to 
get better.
I worked mostly with first- 
and second-graders in Jewish 
day schools, and getting up 
early to get to work became 
part of my routine over the 
years. As I got more work 
doing what I wanted to do, I 
went from full-time to part-
time to eventually taking the 
plunge and telling the school 
I would not be coming back. 
While frightening not know-
ing where my next check 
would be coming from, I 
knew it was time.
Even though I could now 
sleep in, I still found myself 
waking up before 7 a.m., 
since my body clock had been 
adjusted to it for years. I also 
found it hard to go to sleep 
before midnight since I was 
also accustomed to doing my 
other job at night performing. 

That often involved hanging 
out late and naps in the after-
noon (when I could) to keep 
me sane.
The one bonus of still 
getting up early no matter 
what time I went to sleep was 
I finally had time to enjoy 
breakfast and not feel rushed. 
When I was a teaching assis-
tant it usually consisted of a 
cup of coffee, and a danish, 
or oatmeal in a paper cup at 
my desk. Now that I had time, 
I was going to enjoy it, and 
watch whatever crappy reality 
show I had recorded on my 
DVR and just relax.
I became a big breakfast guy 
and thoroughly enjoyed taking 
my time making and eating it. 
While I always had my staples 
of blueberries, strawberries and 
cottage cheese, I’
d rotate out 
every other day between a bagel 
with lox and cream cheese, and 
an omelet with cheese and salsa, 
which I’ve since added avocado 
to. I grew up in Texas so the 
salsa was a must. 
I had one problem though, I 
keep the bagels frozen (whole 
wheat everything in case 
you’re wondering) and on 
bagel mornings, needed time 
for them to defrost when I 
pulled one out of the freezer. 

Usually about 20 minutes in, 
I was fine, and a good knife 
could do the job before I 
popped it into the toaster.
I would end up bored 
though and needed to kill time 
waiting for the defrost. This is 
where my friend Adam came 
in and solved, and ruined, it 
for me at the same time.

MY CONVERSATION 
WITH ADAM
Adam is what’s known as 
a “Baal Tshuvah,” basically 
the Jewish version of a born 
again. Adam did not grow up 
religious but became more 
traditional later in life. Nine 
times out of 10, they are more 
religiously involved than those 
of us who grew up with it, and 
generally have a much more 
spiritual approach. 
 The rest of us were jaded 
early and don’t have as much 
of an appreciation for what 
we were given as far as Jewish 
education, religious practice 
etc. I like to poke fun at this 
group on stage when I do 
Jewish events, but I actually 
have a profound respect for 
people who take on a more 
traditional lifestyle that they 
aren’t used to.
I don’t remember how it 

came up, but the topic of my 
newfound defrosting problem 
came up in conversation with 
Adam and he had the perfect 
solution. “Come to minyan in 
the morning at the synagogue, 
Avi! Plenty of time for your 
bagel to defrost.” 
I remember thinking, “Is 
this guy nuts?” No way I’m 
getting up at 6 a.m. and doing 
that. Most guys go early since 
they need to get to work. 
When I protested and gave 
him the “Nice Baal Tshuvah 
try,” he told me there was a 
7:45 a.m. service he attends. I 
smiled and said, we’ll see, but 
I honestly had no intention of 
going.
After a few days, no matter 
what I tried and how late I 
went to sleep, I kept getting 
up at around 7 a.m. or just 
before. If it was a bagel morn-
ing, I’d walk to the grocery 
store, maybe buy something I 
didn’t need, or procrastinate 
some other way. I didn’t like 
jumping online since that was 
sort of the beginning of my 
new workday and wanted to 
eat first.
One morning, I woke up 
early again, and was just lying 
there and thought, “I have 
nothing else to do and really 
have no excuse. I live across 
the street from the synagogue, 
I know how to navigate the 
service just fine, put on a tallis 
and tefillin (traditional prayer 
shawl and “phylacteries” as 
they are called) so I might as 
well go.” 
While I went on the 
Sabbath, going during the 
week was never really in my 
plans. I would say a few basic 
prayers in the morning, but 

Avi Liberman

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