essay
The Love in the Room
M

y Aunt Jeannette
London Lowen passed
away in 2019 after
living more than 100 years. Now
that I’ve had some time to reflect
on her life, this
seems like a good
time to write about
her legacy.
Aunt Jeannette
(let’s call her AJ)
led a most inter-
esting and colorful
life. I could write
a book about her life and only
scratch the surface. She was cer-
tainly a survivor of many of life’s
challenges. But the time that had
the most impact on me, my wife
and my siblings, somewhat sur-
prisingly, was the last few years of
her life, especially the last three
years, after she went into assisted
living.
Prior to that time, AJ had
lived independently in Florida
for almost 50 years after retiring
from her job as a social worker in
Berkley schools. But inevitably,
as happens to all of us, her health
began to fail, and she could no
longer care for herself.
And that’s where this story
begins.
I need to give you some back-
story first. My aunt, who was
born to immigrant parents in
1918, was always a unique person
She had strong Jewish roots, yet
led a mostly secular life. She went
to college, unlike most Jewish
women of her generation. She had
her own unique sense of style,
including bright vibrant colors to
match her personality. She helped
out in the family delicatessen,
but was clearly more interested
in intellectual pursuits. She felt
a strong Jewish identity, but her
Jewishness was more culturally
based.

She was married four times
(twice to the same man). Her
parenting style always seemed a
bit haphazard. My siblings and I
always looked at AJ, her son and
daughter with mixed feelings of
uncertainty, fascination and some
envy.
AJ had moved to Florida with
Les, her third (and fourth) hus-
band. They lived in a senior com-
plex, and became very involved
with various classes and discus-
sion groups. AJ published many
philosophical articles for journals
of free thought and even authored
a few books, including one titled
Imagine, related to the message of
the popular song by John Lennon.
Her husband, Les, passed away
a few years after their second
marriage, leaving AJ to fend for
herself. She developed a pattern
of going in the late morning most
days to her favorite diner and
sitting for a few hours, research-
ing and writing her articles and
books.

She increasingly relied on the
help of her daughter Kathy, who
was by then a nurse living in
New York City. More than ever,
Kathy became her mother’s life-
line and primary support. AJ also
would visit Kathy in NYC many
summers, taking in the culture
(especially opera) and vibrancy
of a city that she loved. Wherever
she went, my aunt would fend for
herself and had a knack of finding
people to help take care of her,
especially as she aged, even in the
hustle of Manhattan.
And then, abruptly, when my
aunt was 85, her beloved 55-year-
old daughter Kathy suddenly
became ill with pneumonia and
died.

RESPONSE TO DEATH
We all assumed that Kathy’s death
would hasten the death of our
aunt. But that’s not what hap-
pened. Don’t get me wrong — she
was overwhelmed by the loss of
her daughter. But instead of giv-

ing up on life, AJ somehow found
a way to maintain the connection
to Kathy by writing to her and
talking with her on a daily basis.
My aunt also rededicated her-
self to examining her own life
and times in her writing. And
she soon reached out to my sister,
my brother and me, helping us to
define specific ways to become
more involved in her life.
We had interacted with AJ peri-
odically, but after Kathy’s untime-
ly death, my wife and I began to
plan visits to Florida each winter
to see her. My sister, brother and
their spouses, began to join us
when they could. We also began
having more frequent phone con-
tact with AJ. The results were sur-
prising and even life-affirming.
We didn’t come up with a new
plan right away after our cousin’s
death. To be honest, we all wor-
ried a bit about being drawn into
feeling overly responsible for my
AJ. But, with our aunt’s help, we
realized that we were needed, and
my sister and I agreed to keep in
touch with her much more fre-
quently.
I found our phone calls myste-
riously rejuvenating rather than
depleting. We would catch up on
each other’s news, but we also
talked about world events, and I
was amazed at my aunt’s unique
way of seeing life through her 90
plus years. She was thrilled about
Barack Obama’s election and what
it said about our country.
We discussed conversations she
recalled from many years ago. She
recalled things I and others had
said (that I usually didn’t remem-
ber saying) that had stuck with
her and helped her get through
tough times. She always had a
way of helping me feel appreci-
ated and of teaching me about

Jeff London
Contributing
Writer

Jeff’s Aunt Jeanette London Lowen, of blessed memory.

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8 | MAY 5 • 2022