essay
The Love in the Room 
M

y Aunt Jeannette 
London Lowen passed 
away in 2019 after 
living more than 100 years. Now 
that I’ve had some time to reflect 
on her life, this 
seems like a good 
time to write about 
her legacy.
Aunt Jeannette 
(let’s call her AJ) 
led a most inter-
esting and colorful 
life. I could write 
a book about her life and only 
scratch the surface. She was cer-
tainly a survivor of many of life’s 
challenges. But the time that had 
the most impact on me, my wife 
and my siblings, somewhat sur-
prisingly, was the last few years of 
her life, especially the last three 
years, after she went into assisted 
living.
Prior to that time, AJ had 
lived independently in Florida 
for almost 50 years after retiring 
from her job as a social worker in 
Berkley schools. But inevitably, 
as happens to all of us, her health 
began to fail, and she could no 
longer care for herself. 
And that’s where this story 
begins.
I need to give you some back-
story first. My aunt, who was 
born to immigrant parents in 
1918, was always a unique person 
She had strong Jewish roots, yet 
led a mostly secular life. She went 
to college, unlike most Jewish 
women of her generation. She had 
her own unique sense of style, 
including bright vibrant colors to 
match her personality. She helped 
out in the family delicatessen, 
but was clearly more interested 
in intellectual pursuits. She felt 
a strong Jewish identity, but her 
Jewishness was more culturally 
based.

She was married four times 
(twice to the same man). Her 
parenting style always seemed a 
bit haphazard. My siblings and I 
always looked at AJ, her son and 
daughter with mixed feelings of 
uncertainty, fascination and some 
envy. 
AJ had moved to Florida with 
Les, her third (and fourth) hus-
band. They lived in a senior com-
plex, and became very involved 
with various classes and discus-
sion groups. AJ published many 
philosophical articles for journals 
of free thought and even authored 
a few books, including one titled 
Imagine, related to the message of 
the popular song by John Lennon.
Her husband, Les, passed away 
a few years after their second 
marriage, leaving AJ to fend for 
herself. She developed a pattern 
of going in the late morning most 
days to her favorite diner and 
sitting for a few hours, research-
ing and writing her articles and 
books.

She increasingly relied on the 
help of her daughter Kathy, who 
was by then a nurse living in 
New York City. More than ever, 
Kathy became her mother’s life-
line and primary support. AJ also 
would visit Kathy in NYC many 
summers, taking in the culture 
(especially opera) and vibrancy 
of a city that she loved. Wherever 
she went, my aunt would fend for 
herself and had a knack of finding 
people to help take care of her, 
especially as she aged, even in the 
hustle of Manhattan. 
And then, abruptly, when my 
aunt was 85, her beloved 55-year-
old daughter Kathy suddenly 
became ill with pneumonia and 
died. 

RESPONSE TO DEATH
We all assumed that Kathy’s death 
would hasten the death of our 
aunt. But that’s not what hap-
pened. Don’t get me wrong — she 
was overwhelmed by the loss of 
her daughter. But instead of giv-

ing up on life, AJ somehow found 
a way to maintain the connection 
to Kathy by writing to her and 
talking with her on a daily basis.
My aunt also rededicated her-
self to examining her own life 
and times in her writing. And 
she soon reached out to my sister, 
my brother and me, helping us to 
define specific ways to become 
more involved in her life. 
We had interacted with AJ peri-
odically, but after Kathy’s untime-
ly death, my wife and I began to 
plan visits to Florida each winter 
to see her. My sister, brother and 
their spouses, began to join us 
when they could. We also began 
having more frequent phone con-
tact with AJ. The results were sur-
prising and even life-affirming.
We didn’t come up with a new 
plan right away after our cousin’s 
death. To be honest, we all wor-
ried a bit about being drawn into 
feeling overly responsible for my 
AJ. But, with our aunt’s help, we 
realized that we were needed, and 
my sister and I agreed to keep in 
touch with her much more fre-
quently.
I found our phone calls myste-
riously rejuvenating rather than 
depleting. We would catch up on 
each other’s news, but we also 
talked about world events, and I 
was amazed at my aunt’s unique 
way of seeing life through her 90 
plus years. She was thrilled about 
Barack Obama’s election and what 
it said about our country.
We discussed conversations she 
recalled from many years ago. She 
recalled things I and others had 
said (that I usually didn’t remem-
ber saying) that had stuck with 
her and helped her get through 
tough times. She always had a 
way of helping me feel appreci-
ated and of teaching me about 

Jeff London
Contributing 
Writer

Jeff’s Aunt Jeanette London Lowen, of blessed memory.

PURELY COMMENTARY

continued on page 12

8 | MAY 5 • 2022