MAY 5 • 2022 | 43

completely self-sufficient; He
needs nothing, nor does He
receive anything, and every-
thing He does is therefore an
act of pure, unreciprocated
kindness — from the creation
of the universe to taking care
of our smallest needs, and
the needs of the smallest and
seemingly most insignificant
of creatures. This selfless giv-
ing is how Rabbi Shkop defines holiness,
and it is this we are called on to emulate
so that we, too, can become holy.
It’s a beautiful idea, but the Midrash
gives us pause for thought, saying
God reaches a level of holiness that no
human being can. Rabbi Shkop explains
the Midrash: No human being can ever
attain this ideal like God because we
have been created with an intrinsic love
of and concern for the self, which will
always factor into the equation.

HOW DO WE BECOME HOLY?
So, we have a dilemma: How do we
attain holiness — defined as acting
purely selflessly — when we are unable
to do so? How do we reconcile the con-
flicting ideals of self-interest and pure
giving?
Rabbi Shkop has an answer that is
deep and beautiful. If the self is getting
in the way of helping others, then we
need to expand our definition of the
self.
When we refer to “I,” who are we
talking about? Who or what is con-
tained in our definition of self? Rabbi
Shkop explains that a lowly, coarse
person sees himself, defines his “I,” as
purely a physical body. Someone slightly
more elevated sees his soul as part of
his self-identity. At a higher level, one’s
identity encompasses one’s spouse and
children, and then one’s community,
and so it goes. An even greater person
includes the entire Jewish people in his
sense of “I,” and even beyond that — the
entire world. The more spiritually ele-
vated a person, the more people includ-
ed in that person’s sense of “I.”
So, the call to holiness is not about
self-denial. It is a call to become a great-
er person by expanding the definition of

“self” and, in so doing, unleashing the
powerful force of giving and kindness
to so many more people, and in a much
richer, more fulfilling, far holier way.
Of course, it’s not so easy; it is,
indeed, a lifelong journey. Initially, life
is only about meeting our own needs.
Then we graduate from this survival-
ist state of being; we marry and start a
family, assuming greater responsibili-
ty, expanding our definition of self to
encompass others. And we continue
expanding our world, taking on respon-
sibility for our community, for those
around us, for the Jewish people as a
whole and even for the entire world. It’s
a cosmic journey of self-discovery and
self-transformation whose destination
is the soul’s perfection and its ultimate
expression.
Essentially, the more we reach out
to others, the greater we become. This
is why, when a child is born, we pray:
“May this katan” — this small one,
“become gadol” — become big. We pray
for this infant, so naturally preoccupied
with meeting its immediate physical
needs, to become an adult in the fullest
sense of the word, to become someone
who sees the people around him, really
sees them, and has an expansive per-
spective of the world and an expansive
definition of self.
This worldview touches on so much
of Judaism. There are many mitzvot of
chessed (lovingkindness): comforting
mourners, visiting the sick, burying the
dead, tzedakah — helping those in need.
So much of the Torah is about reaching
out to others, about taking responsibili-
ty for community and making the world
a better place.
On a personal level, it is also about
building family. The act of constituting
a marriage is termed by our sages as

kiddushin, which comes from
the Hebrew word kedusha,
meaning holiness. In what way
is marriage an act of holiness?
Creating a marriage should be
the ultimate act of giving to
another. By defining marriage
as an act of holiness, our sages
are teaching us that marriage
is all about selfless giving, and
that the creation of a family
is all about expanding the concept of
“self” and reaching out to others; tran-
scending the self to becoming a greater
person.
When fulfilling each other is a prior-
ity for husband and wife, other desires
and preferences become subordinate. By
putting our own needs aside, we don’t
feel that we are sacrificing anything.
Essentially, then, through marriage
a person expands his definition of self
and demonstrates that his life is not
only about his own immediate, person-
al, selfish needs, but rather the needs of
another human being, to constitute a
broader, greater human being. As it says
in the book of Bereishit, when God gave
direction for the very first marriage in
history between Adam and Eve, He said:
“Therefore shall a man leave his father
and his mother and cleave to his wife,
and they shall become one flesh.” (2:24)
Marriage is about two people becom-
ing one, a process of transcending the
self and evolving to become a greater
being. And that is why the bringing
together of Adam and Eve is prefaced
with the words: “It is not good for a
person to be alone.” It is not good for
us to be limited, when this expanded
definition of the self, this broadminded-
ness, this human greatness and holiness
is ours for the taking. That definition of
self is further expanded as children are
born.
Life is a journey toward holiness, a
journey toward expanding the self and
achieving the greatness that God knows
we are capable of.

Chief Rabbi Warren Goldstein, who has a PhD.
in Human Rights Law, is the chief rabbi of South
Africa. This article first appeared on aish.com.

“THE CALL TO HOLINESS IS NOT
ABOUT SELF-DENIAL. IT IS A
CALL TO BECOME A GREATER
PERSON BY EXPANDING THE
DEFINITION OF ‘SELF.’”