MAY 5 • 2022 | 43

completely self-sufficient; He 
needs nothing, nor does He 
receive anything, and every-
thing He does is therefore an 
act of pure, unreciprocated 
kindness — from the creation 
of the universe to taking care 
of our smallest needs, and 
the needs of the smallest and 
seemingly most insignificant 
of creatures. This selfless giv-
ing is how Rabbi Shkop defines holiness, 
and it is this we are called on to emulate 
so that we, too, can become holy.
It’s a beautiful idea, but the Midrash 
gives us pause for thought, saying 
God reaches a level of holiness that no 
human being can. Rabbi Shkop explains 
the Midrash: No human being can ever 
attain this ideal like God because we 
have been created with an intrinsic love 
of and concern for the self, which will 
always factor into the equation.

HOW DO WE BECOME HOLY?
So, we have a dilemma: How do we 
attain holiness — defined as acting 
purely selflessly — when we are unable 
to do so? How do we reconcile the con-
flicting ideals of self-interest and pure 
giving?
Rabbi Shkop has an answer that is 
deep and beautiful. If the self is getting 
in the way of helping others, then we 
need to expand our definition of the 
self.
When we refer to “I,” who are we 
talking about? Who or what is con-
tained in our definition of self? Rabbi 
Shkop explains that a lowly, coarse 
person sees himself, defines his “I,” as 
purely a physical body. Someone slightly 
more elevated sees his soul as part of 
his self-identity. At a higher level, one’s 
identity encompasses one’s spouse and 
children, and then one’s community, 
and so it goes. An even greater person 
includes the entire Jewish people in his 
sense of “I,” and even beyond that — the 
entire world. The more spiritually ele-
vated a person, the more people includ-
ed in that person’s sense of “I.”
So, the call to holiness is not about 
self-denial. It is a call to become a great-
er person by expanding the definition of 

“self” and, in so doing, unleashing the 
powerful force of giving and kindness 
to so many more people, and in a much 
richer, more fulfilling, far holier way.
Of course, it’s not so easy; it is, 
indeed, a lifelong journey. Initially, life 
is only about meeting our own needs. 
Then we graduate from this survival-
ist state of being; we marry and start a 
family, assuming greater responsibili-
ty, expanding our definition of self to 
encompass others. And we continue 
expanding our world, taking on respon-
sibility for our community, for those 
around us, for the Jewish people as a 
whole and even for the entire world. It’s 
a cosmic journey of self-discovery and 
self-transformation whose destination 
is the soul’s perfection and its ultimate 
expression.
Essentially, the more we reach out 
to others, the greater we become. This 
is why, when a child is born, we pray: 
“May this katan” — this small one, 
“become gadol” — become big. We pray 
for this infant, so naturally preoccupied 
with meeting its immediate physical 
needs, to become an adult in the fullest 
sense of the word, to become someone 
who sees the people around him, really 
sees them, and has an expansive per-
spective of the world and an expansive 
definition of self.
This worldview touches on so much 
of Judaism. There are many mitzvot of 
chessed (lovingkindness): comforting 
mourners, visiting the sick, burying the 
dead, tzedakah — helping those in need. 
So much of the Torah is about reaching 
out to others, about taking responsibili-
ty for community and making the world 
a better place.
On a personal level, it is also about 
building family. The act of constituting 
a marriage is termed by our sages as 

kiddushin, which comes from 
the Hebrew word kedusha, 
meaning holiness. In what way 
is marriage an act of holiness? 
Creating a marriage should be 
the ultimate act of giving to 
another. By defining marriage 
as an act of holiness, our sages 
are teaching us that marriage 
is all about selfless giving, and 
that the creation of a family 
is all about expanding the concept of 
“self” and reaching out to others; tran-
scending the self to becoming a greater 
person.
When fulfilling each other is a prior-
ity for husband and wife, other desires 
and preferences become subordinate. By 
putting our own needs aside, we don’t 
feel that we are sacrificing anything.
Essentially, then, through marriage 
a person expands his definition of self 
and demonstrates that his life is not 
only about his own immediate, person-
al, selfish needs, but rather the needs of 
another human being, to constitute a 
broader, greater human being. As it says 
in the book of Bereishit, when God gave 
direction for the very first marriage in 
history between Adam and Eve, He said: 
“Therefore shall a man leave his father 
and his mother and cleave to his wife, 
and they shall become one flesh.” (2:24)
Marriage is about two people becom-
ing one, a process of transcending the 
self and evolving to become a greater 
being. And that is why the bringing 
together of Adam and Eve is prefaced 
with the words: “It is not good for a 
person to be alone.” It is not good for 
us to be limited, when this expanded 
definition of the self, this broadminded-
ness, this human greatness and holiness 
is ours for the taking. That definition of 
self is further expanded as children are 
born.
Life is a journey toward holiness, a 
journey toward expanding the self and 
achieving the greatness that God knows 
we are capable of. 

Chief Rabbi Warren Goldstein, who has a PhD. 
in Human Rights Law, is the chief rabbi of South 
Africa. This article first appeared on aish.com.

“THE CALL TO HOLINESS IS NOT 
ABOUT SELF-DENIAL. IT IS A 
 CALL TO BECOME A GREATER 
PERSON BY EXPANDING THE 
DEFINITION OF ‘SELF.’”