JULY 1 • 2021 | 53
T
he JN’s premier columnist,
Danny Raskin, will take
a few weeks off to recover
from rib injuries suffered in a fall,
so we’ll be offering highlights from
Danny’s columns until his return.
Danny is feeling
much better. If
you’d like to send
greetings, email:
dannyraskin2132@
gmail.com or send
mail to: Danny
Raskin c/o The
Jewish News, 32255
Northwestern Hwy., Suite 205,
Farmington Hills, MI 48334.
To cheer all of us up in Danny’s
absence, here are some of his
time-tested “Oldies but Goodies.
”
OLDIE BUT GOODIE …
“Hello, Mom. Can I leave the kids
with you tonight?”
“You’re going out? With
whom?”
“With a friend.
”
“I don’t know why you left
your husband. He is such a good
man.”
“I didn’t leave him. He left me!”
“You let him leave you, and
now you go out with anybodies
and nobodies.
”
“I do not go out with anybody.
Can I bring over the kids?”
“I never left you to go out with
anybody except your father.
”
“There are lots of things that
you did that I don’t.
”
“What are you hinting at?”
“Nothing. I just want to know
if I can bring the kids over
tonight.
”
“You’re going to stay the night
with him? What will your hus-
band say if he finds out?”
“My EX-husband. I don’t think
he would be bothered. From the
day he left me, he probably never
slept alone!”
“So you’re going to sleep at this
loser’s place?”
“He’s not a loser.
”
“
A man who goes out with a
divorced woman with children is
a loser and a parasite.
”
“I don’t want to argue. Should I
bring over the children or not?”
“Poor children with such a
mother.
”
“Such as what?”
“With no stability. No wonder
your husband left you.
”
“ENOUGH!”
“Don’t scream at me. You’ll
probably scream at this loser,
too!”
“Now you’re worried about the
loser?”
“
Ah, so you see he’s a loser. I
spotted him immediately.
”
“Goodbye, Mother.
”
“Wait! Don’t hang up! When
are you going to bring the chil-
dren over?”
“I’m not bringing them over!
I’m not going out!”
“If you never go out, how do
you expect to meet anyone?”
OLDIE BUT GOODIE …
Three grandmothers are sitting
on a park bench. The first lets out
a heartfelt “Oy!”
A few minutes later the second
grandmother sighs deeply and
says, “Oy vey!”
A few minutes after that, the
third lady brushes away a tear
and moans, “Oy veyizmir!”
To which the first grandma
replies, “I thought we agreed that
we weren’t going to talk about our
grandchildren!”
OLDIE BUT GOODIE
(revised for sports fans, a bit) …
Joe was cleaning the attic and
found a beautiful old lamp. As
he rubbed off the dust, a genie
popped out.
“Thank you for releasing me
from this prison;’ said the genie.
“To show my gratitude I will
grant you one wish.
”
“Wonderful,
” said the surprised
Joe. He reached for his Atlas and
pointed to a map of Israel.
“The people there have been
fighting for as long as I can
remember. My one wish is to
bring peace to this land.
”
“Um … that’s a little difficult
…
” stammered the genie. “These
people … they’ve been … it goes
back … Sorry, I’m afraid you’ll
have to make another wish.
”
“Too bad,
” said Joe sadly.
“Could you at least help the
Detroit Lions win a couple more
football games this year?”
The genie thought a moment,
then opened his hand.
“Hmmm, let me see that map
again …
”
OLDIE BUT GOODIE …
Jake says to his doctor, “Doctor,
my wife needs an appendix oper-
ation.
”
“But I took out your wife’s
appendix only a year ago. I’ve
never heard of a second appen-
dix,
” says the doctor.
“Maybe doctor,
” says Jake, “but
have you ever heard of a second
wife?”
Danny’s email address is
dannyraskin2132@gmail.com.
RASKIN
THE BEST OF EVERYTHING
Danny
Raskin
Senior Columnist
Laughter is the
Best Medicine
ANTONE, CASAGRANDE & ADWERS, P.C.
www.antone.com or email at law@antone.com
Representation in
all areas of family
and business
immigration law.
JUSTIN D.
CASAGRANDE
N. PETER
ANTONE
31555 W. 14 Mile Rd., Ste 100 • Farmington Hills, MI 48334
Ph: 248-406-4100 Fax: 248-406-4101
IMMIGRATION LAW FIRM
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