JULY 1 • 2021 | 53

T

he JN’s premier columnist, 
Danny Raskin, will take 
a few weeks off to recover 
from rib injuries suffered in a fall, 
so we’ll be offering highlights from 
Danny’s columns until his return. 
Danny is feeling 
much better. If 
you’d like to send 
greetings, email: 
dannyraskin2132@
gmail.com or send 
mail to: Danny 
Raskin c/o The 
Jewish News, 32255 
Northwestern Hwy., Suite 205, 
Farmington Hills, MI 48334.
To cheer all of us up in Danny’s 
absence, here are some of his 
time-tested “Oldies but Goodies.
”

OLDIE BUT GOODIE … 
“Hello, Mom. Can I leave the kids 
with you tonight?”
“You’re going out? With 
whom?”
“With a friend.
”
“I don’t know why you left 
your husband. He is such a good 
man.”
“I didn’t leave him. He left me!”
“You let him leave you, and 
now you go out with anybodies 

and nobodies.
”
“I do not go out with anybody. 
Can I bring over the kids?”
“I never left you to go out with 
anybody except your father.
”
“There are lots of things that 
you did that I don’t.
”
“What are you hinting at?”
“Nothing. I just want to know 
if I can bring the kids over 
tonight.
”
“You’re going to stay the night 
with him? What will your hus-
band say if he finds out?”
“My EX-husband. I don’t think 
he would be bothered. From the 
day he left me, he probably never 
slept alone!”
“So you’re going to sleep at this 
loser’s place?”
“He’s not a loser.
”
“
A man who goes out with a 
divorced woman with children is 
a loser and a parasite.
”
“I don’t want to argue. Should I 
bring over the children or not?”
“Poor children with such a 
mother.
”
“Such as what?”
“With no stability. No wonder 
your husband left you.
”
“ENOUGH!”
“Don’t scream at me. You’ll 
probably scream at this loser, 
too!”

“Now you’re worried about the 
loser?”
“
Ah, so you see he’s a loser. I 
spotted him immediately.
”
“Goodbye, Mother.
”
“Wait! Don’t hang up! When 
are you going to bring the chil-
dren over?”
“I’m not bringing them over! 
I’m not going out!”
“If you never go out, how do 
you expect to meet anyone?”
OLDIE BUT GOODIE … 
Three grandmothers are sitting 
on a park bench. The first lets out 
a heartfelt “Oy!”
A few minutes later the second 
grandmother sighs deeply and 
says, “Oy vey!”
A few minutes after that, the 
third lady brushes away a tear 
and moans, “Oy veyizmir!” 
To which the first grandma 
replies, “I thought we agreed that 
we weren’t going to talk about our 
grandchildren!”
OLDIE BUT GOODIE
(revised for sports fans, a bit) … 
Joe was cleaning the attic and 
found a beautiful old lamp. As 
he rubbed off the dust, a genie 
popped out.
“Thank you for releasing me 
from this prison;’ said the genie. 
“To show my gratitude I will 

grant you one wish.
”
“Wonderful,
” said the surprised 
Joe. He reached for his Atlas and 
pointed to a map of Israel. 
“The people there have been 
fighting for as long as I can 
remember. My one wish is to 
bring peace to this land.
”
“Um … that’s a little difficult 
…
” stammered the genie. “These 
people … they’ve been … it goes 
back … Sorry, I’m afraid you’ll 
have to make another wish.
”
“Too bad,
” said Joe sadly. 
“Could you at least help the 
Detroit Lions win a couple more 
football games this year?”
The genie thought a moment, 
then opened his hand.
“Hmmm, let me see that map 
again …
” 
OLDIE BUT GOODIE … 
Jake says to his doctor, “Doctor, 
my wife needs an appendix oper-
ation.
”
“But I took out your wife’s 
appendix only a year ago. I’ve 
never heard of a second appen-
dix,
” says the doctor.
“Maybe doctor,
” says Jake, “but 
have you ever heard of a second 
wife?” 

Danny’s email address is 
dannyraskin2132@gmail.com.

RASKIN
THE BEST OF EVERYTHING

Danny 
Raskin
Senior Columnist

Laughter is the 
Best Medicine

ANTONE, CASAGRANDE & ADWERS, P.C.

www.antone.com or email at law@antone.com

Representation in 

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and business 

immigration law.

JUSTIN D.
CASAGRANDE

N. PETER
ANTONE

31555 W. 14 Mile Rd., Ste 100 • Farmington Hills, MI 48334
Ph: 248-406-4100 Fax: 248-406-4101

IMMIGRATION LAW FIRM

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