T
his summer, after a literal lifetime of
anticipation and a year of near-contin-
ual planning, my husband, Michael,
and I shared in the excitement and pride as
our grandson Zevi became a bar mitzvah.
Only downside was, due to COVID-19 travel
and health concerns, the small group that sur-
rounded him that day did not include us.
Like many, our family has been though the
gamut of frustration, anxiety and personal
sadness during the pandemic. The bar mitz-
vah was supposed to be the bright star in an
erratic, arduous and baffling time.
Though Zevi and his family — includ-
ing our daughter and son-in-law Stephanie
and Avi Beneson and Zevi’s siblings Rachel,
11, Akiva, 9, and Elisheva, 5 — live more
than 600 miles away in New Jersey, we were
there the day each of the children was born.
We never imagined being home in West
Bloomfield when Zevi was called to the Torah
in, of all places, a grassy area between a swing
set and a vegetable garden in our kids’ neigh-
bor’s backyard in the Garden State.
In March, with the onset of lockdowns and
prohibitions, nearly every single supposedly
set-in-stone entry that had been checked off
the extensive bar mitzvah list was in need of a
major overhaul.
The only thing that would remain just as
planned was the date. Zevi would become
a bar mitzvah on his Hebrew birthday and
would read the Torah portion he had been
learning since last summer.
As our kids worked with persistently
changing guidelines, our plans also fluc-
tuated. Assessing it would be unsafe to
fly since masks were not yet mandatory
on planes, we would instead travel by
car, making an overnight stop along the
way.
At that point, we canceled the post-
bar-mitzvah-week trip to the Jersey
Shore with our children and grandchil-
dren, initially envisioned as a continuation of
the celebration.
Even as Zevi’s synagogue service and kid-
dush for 300-400 guests became a plan for
an outdoor minyan, and the catered meals
turned into decorative, individually wrapped
packages, we still thought we’
d be there.
Mall and specialty store shopping became
online suit, dress and shoe purchases, each
accompanied by a specially ordered coordi-
nating mask.
SO MANY CELEBRATIONS
By June, the guest list and search for the per-
fect invitation turned to email addresses and
a Zoom link for online festivities to take place
the Sunday before the Shabbat service.
That afternoon, we logged on with more
than 100 friends and family from three coun-
tries and seven American states, including
those who disappointingly canceled travel
plans, but with the perk of the presence of
some who all along knew they would have
been unable to be there.
The four-generation gathering — includ-
ing Zevi’s other grandparents, Dr. David and
Marci Beneson of Southfield, and dozens of
others from the Detroit area — assembled
for the traditional bar mitzvah party agenda:
pandemic-style.
In a grid-pattern of faces, participants
shared the screen to view a short music video,
listen to Zevi’s inspirational d’var Torah and
celebrate with speeches and toasts.
That week, I checked the gas and oil in my
car in anticipation of our trip, which was to
be the first time we would see our kids since
Thanksgiving! And we were also tested for
COVID antibodies, thinking a possible expo-
sure might have given us a way to feel more
comfortable about traveling, and were disap-
pointed with negative results.
Two days after “Zevi’s Zoom” was his
Hebrew birthday, the official date on which he
became a bar mitzvah. That morning, he was
called to the Torah for his first-ever aliyah, in
a congregation of classmates in his teacher’s
backyard.
The afternoon was highlighted by a drive-
SHELLI LIEBMAN DORFMAN CONTRIBUTING WRITER
PHOTO BY BINYAMIN WEITZ
Rachel, Zevi, Akiva and
Elisheva Beneson at
Zevi’s drive-by party.
Zevi with his dad, Avi, the
Thursday before his Shabbat
bar mitzvah service.
IN
THE
JEWS D
A very socially distant
bar mitzvah celebration.
A Bar Mitzvah
Like No Other
20 | DECEMBER 31 • 2020