T

his summer, after a literal lifetime of 
anticipation and a year of near-contin-
ual planning, my husband, Michael, 
and I shared in the excitement and pride as 
our grandson Zevi became a bar mitzvah. 
Only downside was, due to COVID-19 travel 
and health concerns, the small group that sur-
rounded him that day did not include us.
Like many, our family has been though the 
gamut of frustration, anxiety and personal 
sadness during the pandemic. The bar mitz-
vah was supposed to be the bright star in an 
erratic, arduous and baffling time. 
Though Zevi and his family — includ-
ing our daughter and son-in-law Stephanie 
and Avi Beneson and Zevi’s siblings Rachel, 
11, Akiva, 9, and Elisheva, 5 — live more 
than 600 miles away in New Jersey, we were 
there the day each of the children was born. 
We never imagined being home in West 
Bloomfield when Zevi was called to the Torah 
in, of all places, a grassy area between a swing 
set and a vegetable garden in our kids’ neigh-
bor’s backyard in the Garden State. 
In March, with the onset of lockdowns and 
prohibitions, nearly every single supposedly
set-in-stone entry that had been checked off 
the extensive bar mitzvah list was in need of a 
major overhaul.
The only thing that would remain just as 
planned was the date. Zevi would become 
a bar mitzvah on his Hebrew birthday and 
would read the Torah portion he had been 
learning since last summer.

As our kids worked with persistently 
changing guidelines, our plans also fluc-
tuated. Assessing it would be unsafe to 
fly since masks were not yet mandatory 
on planes, we would instead travel by 
car, making an overnight stop along the 
way. 
At that point, we canceled the post-
bar-mitzvah-week trip to the Jersey 
Shore with our children and grandchil-
dren, initially envisioned as a continuation of 
the celebration. 
Even as Zevi’s synagogue service and kid-
dush for 300-400 guests became a plan for 
an outdoor minyan, and the catered meals 
turned into decorative, individually wrapped 
packages, we still thought we’
d be there.
Mall and specialty store shopping became 
online suit, dress and shoe purchases, each 
accompanied by a specially ordered coordi-
nating mask.

SO MANY CELEBRATIONS
By June, the guest list and search for the per-
fect invitation turned to email addresses and 
a Zoom link for online festivities to take place 
the Sunday before the Shabbat service.
That afternoon, we logged on with more 
than 100 friends and family from three coun-
tries and seven American states, including 
those who disappointingly canceled travel 
plans, but with the perk of the presence of 
some who all along knew they would have 
been unable to be there. 

The four-generation gathering — includ-
ing Zevi’s other grandparents, Dr. David and 
Marci Beneson of Southfield, and dozens of 
others from the Detroit area — assembled 
for the traditional bar mitzvah party agenda: 
pandemic-style. 
In a grid-pattern of faces, participants 
shared the screen to view a short music video, 
listen to Zevi’s inspirational d’var Torah and 
celebrate with speeches and toasts.
That week, I checked the gas and oil in my 
car in anticipation of our trip, which was to 
be the first time we would see our kids since 
Thanksgiving! And we were also tested for 
COVID antibodies, thinking a possible expo-
sure might have given us a way to feel more 
comfortable about traveling, and were disap-
pointed with negative results.
Two days after “Zevi’s Zoom” was his 
Hebrew birthday, the official date on which he 
became a bar mitzvah. That morning, he was 
called to the Torah for his first-ever aliyah, in 
a congregation of classmates in his teacher’s 
backyard. 
The afternoon was highlighted by a drive-

SHELLI LIEBMAN DORFMAN CONTRIBUTING WRITER

PHOTO BY BINYAMIN WEITZ

Rachel, Zevi, Akiva and 

Elisheva Beneson at 

Zevi’s drive-by party.

Zevi with his dad, Avi, the 

Thursday before his Shabbat 

bar mitzvah service.

IN 
THE
JEWS D

A very socially distant 
bar mitzvah celebration.

A Bar Mitzvah 
Like No Other

20 | DECEMBER 31 • 2020