MARCH 5 • 2020 | 5
Views
for starters
A Good Month
I
reached a major milestone last month.
I turned 65 and entered the world of …
Medicare!
And boy, did I celebrate. Within days
of my Feb. 11 birthday I had my annual
prostate exam, a colonoscopy and a compli-
mentary car wash. Thanks to two doctors,
my new healthcare plan and the attendants
at Jax Car Wash, I’
m clean
inside and out, and all three
procedures were free!
My early spring cleaning
also included a decades-over-
due chore of organizing my
sock drawer. I emptied my
sock drawer into a laundry
basket and proceeded to sep-
arate by color all, and I kid you not, 106 pair
of socks. That’
s pairs. My inventory did not
include a half-dozen single orphaned socks,
which I continue to provide a home for
should their significant other return one day.
I parted ways with a lot of the footwear,
but more than 60 pairs of socks remain,
which is still overkill since this process con-
firmed I wear the same dozen pairs over and
over again. Clean socks make it back into
the rotation so quickly I never seem to get to
Row B of my sock drawer. There is absolute-
ly no justification for having that many socks
unless you’
re a centipede.
The month of February not only included
my visiting doctors. I also played a doctor
in an advertising campaign for LAFCU, a
Lansing area-based credit union. The cam-
paign included TV
, internet and billboard
ads.
I bring this up not only to curry favor
with the folks who had the good sense to
hire a true thespian when they saw one,
but also in the interest of public safety. My
giant head can now be seen on at least one
rotating digital billboard on westbound
I-96, approximately 20 minutes from East
Lansing. My nephew, who had no idea I was
part of this ad campaign, did a double take
when he flew past me in his car a few days
ago, fortunately without incident.
This is my warning, though, to make sure
the rest of my adoring public does not suffer
a worse fate by this unsuspecting driving
distraction.
Think that’
s the only acting gig I’
ve got
going? Well, nay, nay. I am the featured actor
in the current ASA Builders Supply television
commercial that is getting a lot of play lately,
with proprietors Steve Shapiro and his son
David playing supporting roles. And let me
say the two did a fine job considering they
were working with an actor of my cachet.
Bravo, gentlemen.
Turns out that my cup really runneth over
with acting news in February. Last week,
I received a residual check from Disney
for my past role as a polka band leader
in the Detroit-based drama Detroit 1-8-7.
Apparently, despite the show being canceled
in 2011, on-demand requests led to my
most recent residual check for $0.68. ($1.03
if you include my 15-cent SAG-AFTRA
Employer Contribution.) The check actually
read “Zero and 68/100 Dollars,
” as though
it wasn’
t humiliating enough without the
“zero.
”
What could have been a blow to my ego
for that meager amount of money for an
actor of my standing was softened by the
W-2 I received from Disney days later. It
revealed that 2019 actually ended up being
a very lucrative year indeed; to the tune of
$15.72 in total residuals.
I have so many people to thank. To my
agents, who have never lost their faith in me,
to my family who … (Orchestra plays me
off.)
Muskovitz is a writer, voice-over/acting talent,
speaker, and emcee. Visit his website at
laughwithbigal.com,“Like” Al on Facebook and
reach him at amuskovitz@renmedia.us.
continued on page 8
Alan
Muskovitz
Alan played a “leading” role on this show
as a polka band leader.
guest column
The Importance
of Kindness
I
’
m a Jewish hospital chaplain at a large
hospital in Detroit with a level-one trauma
center. The patients are mostly African
American, Baptist or other Christian denom-
inations. It is very rare that I see a Jewish
patient.
I started my journey to chaplaincy by seeing
Jewish patients. I had been in sales and decided
to do the mitzvah of visiting
the sick in a local hospital. The
manager of spiritual care had
no one in the department who
was Jewish, so he sent me to see
Jewish patients.
After volunteering for about
a year, I felt the work was so
rewarding that I decided to
change careers from sales to chaplaincy. I
enrolled in a clinical pastoral education pro-
gram, which I completed by working in a
hospital full-time for about two years. After
my training, I took my current job, where the
manager created a schedule that allowed me to
observe Shabbat.
So how does a Jewish chaplain minister to
people of other faiths or no faith at all?
To me, a patient is someone in need. When
Abraham met the three angels, they were
complete strangers to him, yet he dropped
everything and went to them and washed their
feet. We are all made by God’
s hand, in God’
s
image, and each of us contains a spark of the
Divine. I feel that I am doing God’
s holy work.
Many times, the patients I see are very
scared and anxious. Sometimes they are angry
or defensive. They can be homeless or addict-
ed to drugs. Often, it’
s hard to help them find
meaning and hope. I use every tool available.
Most of the patients I minister to are deep-
ly spiritual. When I ask them if they want a
prayer or they ask me for one, they quickly
extend their hand. I’
m amazed by how many
patients know the Psalms by memory.
I’
ve been touched by how many people come
to be with their loved ones as they approach
death. I try to help in mourning by asking
about the loved one who just died. We then
hold hands and pray.
Michael
Aldouby
DISNEY