MARCH 5 • 2020 | 5

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for starters
A Good Month
I 

reached a major milestone last month. 
I turned 65 and entered the world of … 
Medicare! 
And boy, did I celebrate. Within days 
of my Feb. 11 birthday I had my annual 
prostate exam, a colonoscopy and a compli-
mentary car wash. Thanks to two doctors, 
my new healthcare plan and the attendants 
at Jax Car Wash, I’
m clean 
inside and out, and all three 
procedures were free!
My early spring cleaning 
also included a decades-over-
due chore of organizing my 
sock drawer. I emptied my 
sock drawer into a laundry 
basket and proceeded to sep-
arate by color all, and I kid you not, 106 pair 
of socks. That’
s pairs. My inventory did not 
include a half-dozen single orphaned socks, 
which I continue to provide a home for 
should their significant other return one day. 
I parted ways with a lot of the footwear, 
but more than 60 pairs of socks remain, 
which is still overkill since this process con-
firmed I wear the same dozen pairs over and 
over again. Clean socks make it back into 
the rotation so quickly I never seem to get to 
Row B of my sock drawer. There is absolute-
ly no justification for having that many socks 
unless you’
re a centipede. 
The month of February not only included 
my visiting doctors. I also played a doctor 
in an advertising campaign for LAFCU, a 
Lansing area-based credit union. The cam-
paign included TV
, internet and billboard 
ads. 
I bring this up not only to curry favor 
with the folks who had the good sense to 
hire a true thespian when they saw one, 
but also in the interest of public safety. My 
giant head can now be seen on at least one 
rotating digital billboard on westbound 
I-96, approximately 20 minutes from East 
Lansing. My nephew, who had no idea I was 
part of this ad campaign, did a double take 
when he flew past me in his car a few days 
ago, fortunately without incident. 
This is my warning, though, to make sure 
the rest of my adoring public does not suffer 
a worse fate by this unsuspecting driving 

distraction.
Think that’
s the only acting gig I’
ve got 
going? Well, nay, nay. I am the featured actor
in the current ASA Builders Supply television 
commercial that is getting a lot of play lately, 
with proprietors Steve Shapiro and his son 
David playing supporting roles. And let me 
say the two did a fine job considering they 
were working with an actor of my cachet. 
Bravo, gentlemen.
Turns out that my cup really runneth over 
with acting news in February. Last week, 
I received a residual check from Disney
for my past role as a polka band leader 
in the Detroit-based drama Detroit 1-8-7. 
Apparently, despite the show being canceled 
in 2011, on-demand requests led to my 
most recent residual check for $0.68. ($1.03 
if you include my 15-cent SAG-AFTRA 
Employer Contribution.) The check actually 
read “Zero and 68/100 Dollars,
” as though 
it wasn’
t humiliating enough without the 
“zero.
” 
What could have been a blow to my ego 
for that meager amount of money for an 
actor of my standing was softened by the 
W-2 I received from Disney days later. It 
revealed that 2019 actually ended up being 
a very lucrative year indeed; to the tune of 
$15.72 in total residuals.
I have so many people to thank. To my 
agents, who have never lost their faith in me, 
to my family who … (Orchestra plays me 
off.) 

Muskovitz is a writer, voice-over/acting talent, 
speaker, and emcee. Visit his website at
laughwithbigal.com,“Like” Al on Facebook and 
reach him at amuskovitz@renmedia.us.
continued on page 8

Alan 
Muskovitz

Alan played a “leading” role on this show 
as a polka band leader.

guest column
The Importance 
of Kindness
I

’
m a Jewish hospital chaplain at a large 
hospital in Detroit with a level-one trauma 
center. The patients are mostly African 
American, Baptist or other Christian denom-
inations. It is very rare that I see a Jewish 
patient.
I started my journey to chaplaincy by seeing 
Jewish patients. I had been in sales and decided 
to do the mitzvah of visiting 
the sick in a local hospital. The 
manager of spiritual care had 
no one in the department who 
was Jewish, so he sent me to see 
Jewish patients. 
After volunteering for about 
a year, I felt the work was so 
rewarding that I decided to 
change careers from sales to chaplaincy. I 
enrolled in a clinical pastoral education pro-
gram, which I completed by working in a 
hospital full-time for about two years. After 
my training, I took my current job, where the 
manager created a schedule that allowed me to 
observe Shabbat.
So how does a Jewish chaplain minister to 
people of other faiths or no faith at all? 
To me, a patient is someone in need. When 
Abraham met the three angels, they were 
complete strangers to him, yet he dropped 
everything and went to them and washed their 
feet. We are all made by God’
s hand, in God’
s 
image, and each of us contains a spark of the 
Divine. I feel that I am doing God’
s holy work. 
Many times, the patients I see are very 
scared and anxious. Sometimes they are angry 
or defensive. They can be homeless or addict-
ed to drugs. Often, it’
s hard to help them find 
meaning and hope. I use every tool available. 
Most of the patients I minister to are deep-
ly spiritual. When I ask them if they want a 
prayer or they ask me for one, they quickly 
extend their hand. I’
m amazed by how many 
patients know the Psalms by memory.
I’
ve been touched by how many people come 
to be with their loved ones as they approach 
death. I try to help in mourning by asking 
about the loved one who just died. We then 
hold hands and pray.

Michael 
Aldouby

DISNEY