40 | SEPTEMBER 26 • 2019
Jews in the D
continued from page 38
God forbid, hatred,” Starr said.
Atoning for sins is an exer-
cise in exposing one’
s vulner-
abilities, having the humility
to admit to wrongdoing and
asking for forgiveness. Bennett
also describes the 1,000-year-
old Jewish practice of mussar,
or “balancing our soul traits,”
with the aim of living mean-
ingfully and ethically to prevent
acting in hurtful ways.
Mussar is a spiritual practice
that focuses on mindfulness
and incorporates daily practices
such as a mantra read aloud
or chanted in the morning to
frame the day, a mindful action
performed during the day and
then journaling at night.
“When we are in balance,
humans and the natural world
work better,” he said.
Guilt over the wrongdoing
can hold us back from produc-
tive communication with peo-
ple, Starr adds, but teshuvah
can alleviate feelings that keep
us stuck.
“When we seek forgiveness
and grant forgiveness, as long
as it’
s done in a healthy way,
it’
s a tremendous burden that’
s
lifted.”
MENDING FENCES
WITH OTHERS
So how do you apologize to a
person you’
ve wronged so that
healing can begin? Some thera-
pists advise practicing the apol-
ogy on a neutral party first.
“It’
s about creating boundar-
ies and knowing the time and
place to have that conversa-
tion,” said Ronit Weinmann,
LMSW, manager of clinical ser-
vices at Henry Ford Kingswood
Hospital in Ferndale and a
therapist in private practice in
Berkley.
“Where would
be a good place
to have that con-
versation? We
work with a lot of
framing on what
that conversation
will look like and role play,”
she said.
The person asking for for-
giveness should be sensitive to
the feelings of the wronged per-
son, Starr says, and make sure
not to embarrass him or her.
When approached with
humility, compassion and a
sincere desire for forgiveness,
teshuvah can lead to self-
growth and the potential for
stronger relationships. This
can improve a person’
s sense
of purpose as well as increased
confidence and less depression,
according to Dana
Cohen, Ph.D., a
clinical psychol-
ogist with the
Beaumont Center
for Human
Development in
Southfield.
“It requires a lot of insight
and a lot of motivation to
change behaviors that bring
hurt to others,” she said. “It’
s
about bettering ourselves. We
all make mistakes … so let’
s
come to terms with that and
move forward in a way that
will promote our overall hap-
piness.”
Cohen said that the holidays
of Rosh Hashanah and Yom
Kippur have special meaning
to her as a Jew. “We can all
benefit from taking the time
to reflect on our behavior,” she
said.
Weinmann added that in
addition to seeking forgiveness
and vowing not to repeat hurt-
ful actions, individuals should
keep their own well being in
mind.
“As humans, we’
re constantly
striving for perfection,” she
said. “Judaism has that Jewish
factor of saying, ‘
It’
s OK to
make mistakes but you need
to own those mistakes’
” and
realize that it’
s alright not to be
perfect.
“It gives you time to forgive
yourself,” she said. “I think we
forget about our own needs. It’
s
equally important to take care
of yourself.”
Weinmann
Cohen
Steven E. Stein, M.D.
Call us and make your appointment today
RSVP by email to
jill@stevensteinmd.com
or call 248-643-7710
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- The Detroit Jewish News, 2019-09-26
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