40 | SEPTEMBER 26 • 2019 

Jews in the D

continued from page 38

God forbid, hatred,” Starr said.
Atoning for sins is an exer-
cise in exposing one’
s vulner-
abilities, having the humility 
to admit to wrongdoing and 
asking for forgiveness. Bennett 
also describes the 1,000-year-
old Jewish practice of mussar, 
or “balancing our soul traits,” 
with the aim of living mean-
ingfully and ethically to prevent 
acting in hurtful ways.
Mussar is a spiritual practice 
that focuses on mindfulness 
and incorporates daily practices 
such as a mantra read aloud 
or chanted in the morning to 
frame the day, a mindful action 
performed during the day and 
then journaling at night.
“When we are in balance, 
humans and the natural world 
work better,” he said.
Guilt over the wrongdoing 
can hold us back from produc-
tive communication with peo-
ple, Starr adds, but teshuvah 
can alleviate feelings that keep 
us stuck.
“When we seek forgiveness 
and grant forgiveness, as long 
as it’
s done in a healthy way, 
it’
s a tremendous burden that’
s 
lifted.” 

MENDING FENCES
WITH OTHERS
So how do you apologize to a 
person you’
ve wronged so that 
healing can begin? Some thera-
pists advise practicing the apol-
ogy on a neutral party first. 
“It’
s about creating boundar-
ies and knowing the time and 
place to have that conversa-
tion,” said Ronit Weinmann, 
LMSW, manager of clinical ser-
vices at Henry Ford Kingswood 
Hospital in Ferndale and a 
therapist in private practice in 
Berkley. 
“Where would 
be a good place 
to have that con-
versation? We 
work with a lot of 
framing on what 
that conversation 
will look like and role play,” 

she said.
The person asking for for-
giveness should be sensitive to 
the feelings of the wronged per-
son, Starr says, and make sure 
not to embarrass him or her.
When approached with 
humility, compassion and a 
sincere desire for forgiveness, 
teshuvah can lead to self-
growth and the potential for 
stronger relationships. This 
can improve a person’
s sense 
of purpose as well as increased 
confidence and less depression, 
according to Dana 
Cohen, Ph.D., a 
clinical psychol-
ogist with the 
Beaumont Center 
for Human 
Development in 
Southfield. 
“It requires a lot of insight 
and a lot of motivation to 
change behaviors that bring 
hurt to others,” she said. “It’
s 
about bettering ourselves. We 
all make mistakes … so let’
s 
come to terms with that and 
move forward in a way that 
will promote our overall hap-
piness.”
Cohen said that the holidays 
of Rosh Hashanah and Yom 
Kippur have special meaning 
to her as a Jew. “We can all 
benefit from taking the time 
to reflect on our behavior,” she 
said.
Weinmann added that in 
addition to seeking forgiveness 
and vowing not to repeat hurt-
ful actions, individuals should 
 
keep their own well being in 
mind. 
“As humans, we’
re constantly 
striving for perfection,” she 
said. “Judaism has that Jewish 
factor of saying, ‘
It’
s OK to 
make mistakes but you need 
to own those mistakes’
” and 
realize that it’
s alright not to be 
perfect.
“It gives you time to forgive 
yourself,” she said. “I think we 
forget about our own needs. It’
s 
equally important to take care 
of yourself.” 

Weinmann

Cohen

Steven E. Stein, M.D.

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