I

t was a few months into my internship at
Beit T’
Shuvah, a Los Angeles Jewish rehab
for addictions. My job was to meet with cli-
ents one-on-one to discuss the spiritual aspects
of their recovery. One of my clients had the
same struggle almost every week
in our sessions. Often when I’
d
ask him a question (“How did it
feel to be seen as a leader among
your friends?” “What did you tell
yourself to justify being mean to
another resident?”), he would start
to answer — and then midway
through would slow down and
start intently searching my face
for hints as to whether his answer was “correct”
or not.
Every week we had the same follow-up con-
versation in which I’
d tell him that it wasn’
t
about getting the “right” answer but about
being honest with himself, with me and with his
Higher Power. My goal was not for him to say
what sounded good, but rather to address what
was not good so we could work it out together.
As these High Holy Days approach, much like
my former client, I find myself quite concerned
about my own “wrong” answers from the past
year. I have certainly made mistakes and failed
to live up to my own expectations! As I prepare,
one scene from our liturgy haunts me. Our

Unetaneh Tokef uses a courtroom metaphor, say-
ing: “In truth You [God] are Judge and Arbiter,
Counsel and Witness.” When I read this line, I
cannot help but conjure an eerie image in which
I am on trial as the defendant — and as my eyes
pan across the room, the “person” in every single
seat is God: God seated in front in judge’
s robes,
God approaching the bench to confer with the
judge, God taking notes on the stenography
machine, God sitting in the gallery observing the
proceedings.
As frightening as I find this scene at first
blush, perhaps it is not as adversarial as it feels.
Perhaps as I sit, literally surrounded by God,
the goal is exactly the same as it was when I sat
with my client: to find and to face the truth. The
courtroom becomes a place not for meting out
punishments, but rather for forensic analysis of
what went wrong and why. Maybe the cross-
examination is less about having gotten caught
and more about forcing myself to confront the
impulses that led me to behave badly.
I wish you a High Holiday season of coura-
geous honesty and of true willingness to con-
front yourself. I hope that 5780 brings you new
growth, opportunities and connections to our
incredible Metro Detroit Jewish Community.

Megan Brudney is a rabbi at Temple Beth El in
Bloomfield Township.

22 | SEPTEMBER 26 • 2019

Rosh Hashanah

Rosh
Hashanah 5780

Local rabbis send greetings for the High Holidays.

Rabbi Megan
Brudney

Turning “Right” Answers
into Right Answers in 5780

continued on page 24