6 July 4 • 2019
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I
t was second semester of my soph-
omore year when I found myself
in a drawing class with Britney, a
freshman with a deep passion for art (all
names are pseudonyms). Britney and I
found ourselves talking
a lot about Britney’
s boy-
friend Ashton. Britney
beamed about Ashton,
gloating that they did
everything together.
They were the ideal cou-
ple. Yet, a relationship
that once seemed like
a dream swiftly turned
into a nightmare. One class, Britney
told me how Ashton would secretly see
other women to get back at her. A few
days later, Britney told me how Ashton
would threaten her. Finally, Britney told
me how Ashton touched her without her
permission. What was I supposed to do
now?
There was no doubt in my mind that
what Britney described to me was sexual
assault. I had endured years of education
in school about sexual assault but nev-
ertheless I did not know what action to
take. Was Britney telling me about her
assault as a sign she wanted me to inter-
vene, or did she just need someone to
talk to about it? If I wanted to intervene,
what would I even do?
My past education seemed to offer no
answers. In school and religious school,
we had discussions on the evolution of
women’
s rights, sexual assault and the
continuing struggle for gender equality.
However, during these conversations, I
and many of the other men in the room
felt cut off. We did not contribute to
the conversation for the fear of coming
off misogynistic or “mansplaining” the
issue. We were tongue-tied. Everyone in
the room was in favor of gender equal-
ity, but only half of us felt comfortable
talking about it.
With the rise of the #metoo move-
ment, the issue of male isolation has only
gotten worse. The #metoo movement
has brought the issue of domestic abuse
to the forefront of our societal conversa-
tion, bringing transgressors from Harvey
Weinstein to Bill Cosby to justice.
However, the movement has swelled the
mentality that all men are threatening;
all men could be perpetrators of sexual
assault. Many men who are sympathetic
to women facing sexual abuse now feel
attacked by the very people they still try
to support. What should we do now?
In response to large problems,
Judaism offers answers. The Jewish
value of B’
tzelem Elohim requires us to
find dignity in every human being, as
all humans were made in the image of
God. This demands women’
s equality
throughout all walks of life and pro-
claims an attack on women is an attack
on God and all humanity. Additionally,
the Jewish value of Al Tifrosh Min
Hatzibur commands us to find unity.
To best address sexual assault, men and
women need to work together, not be
put against each other. Finally, all of
these values fit under the larger umbrella
of tzedakah, justice, and tikkun olam,
repairing the world, both of which
demand indomitable action against sex-
ual assault.
With these Jewish values in mind, I
began to think about how I could help
end sexual violence. From personal
experience, I know men feel uncom-
fortable talking directly to women about
sexual assault. I figured something
needed to be done to bridge the gap of
understanding between women and
sympathetic men. However, when think-
ing about what I could do, I quickly real-
ized I couldn’
t do anything alone.
My temple youth director Scott Lowen
introduced me to 100 Mensches, an
organization that helps bring men into
the conversation about sexual assault.
Their philosophy is that we can only
stop sexual assault if we all work togeth-
er. 100 Mensches also works closely with
the Jewish Coalition Against Domestic
Abuse and frequently helps offer com-
munity education programs and par-
ticipates in the communitywide purple
ribbon campaign against sexual assault.
100 Mensches brings the possibility of a
man-to-man conversation about domes-
tic abuse to life.
With a strong ally in the Jewish
community, I found the only sensible
solution is to work together. Taboo in
high school halls and receiving little to
no attention in health classes, domestic
abuse and its consequences need to be
taught to the young men of today. As
men prefer to talk to men and young
people prefer to talk to young people, I
propose the creation of a young people’
s
division of 100 Mensches called Koof
Shalichim or “100 Messengers” to edu-
cate young men on the topic of domestic
abuse and sexual harassment.
Holding meetings and seminars at
schools and synagogues, Koof Shalichim
would provide much needed education
on the problems surrounding domestic
abuse and how our generation can best
prevent sexual assault. In addition to
partnering with 100 Mensches, Koof
Shalichim would also partner with
BBYO and temple youth groups to have
speakers and hold programs to increase
the community’
s understanding of the
issue of sexual assault. Only together can
we stop domestic abuse.
As the leaders of tomorrow, it is indis-
putable my peers and I are the future for
a better world. We have a strong passion
for tikkun olam and will work tirelessly
until our world is a better place. We are
the dawn of an age free of sexual assault,
if only you give us the chance. ■
Editor’
s Note: 100 Mensches is focused
on fighting domestic abuse. Each year
it raises awareness of domestic abuse by
engaging high school juniors and seniors
with an essay contest. Sherman is this
year’
s winner.
Tom Sherman is a rising senior at Bloomfield Hills
High School.
Tom Sherman
essay
Man to Man
A “defenses down” solution to sexual assault.