50 March 28 • 2019
jn
A
s a counselor, a com-
mon complaint I hear
is lack of confidence.
For various reasons, people
feel unsure about themselves,
their actions or their rela-
tionships. Many of us try to
plan a life trajectory that will
bring happiness and success.
To determine goals, we dis-
cern our ambitions based on
family background, work experience,
education, religion, race, expectations
and other factors. Selecting reason-
able expectations and goals creates
the foundation on which we build
confidence. So, we must understand
confidence isn’
t a yes/no objective; it
depends on the situation.
Confidence begins when you learn
to trust your instincts and intuition.
As your confidence grows, you will
become more decisive and better able
to trust others. To encourage con-
fidence, reflect on how you present
yourself — positive body language,
direct eye contact, clearly articulate
ideas or feelings. Developing these
can increase confidence in social sit-
uations.
To identify qualities that fuel con-
fidence, you can create a personal
template, a set of characteristics you
observe in others or yourself that can
help you replace bad habits, attitudes
or behaviors with more desirable attri-
butes that increase chances of forming
deeper relationships.
It takes confidence to try any new
activity, whether it is playing a sport,
cooking a new recipe or learning a
foreign language. Ascertain how you
got to where you are so you can plan
for where you want to go. Understand
that anything new can naturally com-
promise confidence and create uneas-
iness, and it lasts until you become
familiar and capable.
Making life adjustments necessitates
having confidence. Often these choic-
es are made without the help of
others. Being alone, like mov-
ing to a new town or starting
a new career, means launching
undiscovered confidence. After
relocating, for example, you can
take six months or more to gain
enough confidence to make real
friendships, let alone find shop-
ping and restaurants, affiliate
with a religious institution or
discover the local points of interest.
Deciding what life changes you
want to make demands confidence to
deal with those who may be affected.
Making crucial decisions, like getting
married or divorced, even adopting
a child or pet, can elicit counter-pro-
ductive influences from those who
are critical or jealous. Look at input
offered as advisory. In all situations,
allow adequate time to explore,
decide, adapt and eventually succeed.
Confidence is essential with new
responsibilities. Becoming a leader
in your family, workplace, club or
religious environment, for example,
requires you to express your ideas
objectively, allow others to voice their
opinions and affect the group’
s prog-
ress. Some people may project their
problems onto the group’
s and impede
progress. It takes confidence to stick
to your guns when you are right; it
also takes confidence to admit when
you are wrong.
Confidence is essential for a “go-to”
person. This means having experi-
ence, skills and knowledge others
lack. When others can rely on that
“go-to” person, it reduces their stress.
This person can be a doctor, therapist,
teacher, clergy, mechanic, home-repair
person or friend.
A colleague inspired me with this
simple statement: “Confidence is like
salt. Too much or too little ruins the
meal.
” Your confidence will flourish
when you know how to spice your life
effectively. ■
health
Daniel
Rosenbaum,
Ph.D., L.M.S.W.
Confidence!
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