50 March 28 • 2019
jn

A

s a counselor, a com-
mon complaint I hear 
is lack of confidence. 
For various reasons, people 
feel unsure about themselves, 
their actions or their rela-
tionships. Many of us try to 
plan a life trajectory that will 
bring happiness and success. 
To determine goals, we dis-
cern our ambitions based on 
family background, work experience, 
education, religion, race, expectations 
and other factors. Selecting reason-
able expectations and goals creates 
the foundation on which we build 
confidence. So, we must understand 
confidence isn’
t a yes/no objective; it 
depends on the situation.
Confidence begins when you learn 
to trust your instincts and intuition. 
As your confidence grows, you will 
become more decisive and better able 
to trust others. To encourage con-
fidence, reflect on how you present 
yourself — positive body language, 
direct eye contact, clearly articulate 
ideas or feelings. Developing these 
can increase confidence in social sit-
uations. 
To identify qualities that fuel con-
fidence, you can create a personal 
template, a set of characteristics you 
observe in others or yourself that can 
help you replace bad habits, attitudes 
or behaviors with more desirable attri-
butes that increase chances of forming 
deeper relationships.
It takes confidence to try any new 
activity, whether it is playing a sport, 
cooking a new recipe or learning a 
foreign language. Ascertain how you 
got to where you are so you can plan 
for where you want to go. Understand 
that anything new can naturally com-
promise confidence and create uneas-
iness, and it lasts until you become 
familiar and capable.
Making life adjustments necessitates 
having confidence. Often these choic-

es are made without the help of 
others. Being alone, like mov-
ing to a new town or starting 
a new career, means launching 
undiscovered confidence. After 
relocating, for example, you can 
take six months or more to gain 
enough confidence to make real 
friendships, let alone find shop-
ping and restaurants, affiliate 
with a religious institution or 
discover the local points of interest. 
Deciding what life changes you 
want to make demands confidence to 
deal with those who may be affected. 
Making crucial decisions, like getting 
married or divorced, even adopting 
a child or pet, can elicit counter-pro-
ductive influences from those who 
are critical or jealous. Look at input 
offered as advisory. In all situations, 
allow adequate time to explore, 
decide, adapt and eventually succeed.
Confidence is essential with new 
responsibilities. Becoming a leader 
in your family, workplace, club or 
religious environment, for example, 
requires you to express your ideas 
objectively, allow others to voice their 
opinions and affect the group’
s prog-
ress. Some people may project their 
problems onto the group’
s and impede 
progress. It takes confidence to stick 
to your guns when you are right; it 
also takes confidence to admit when 
you are wrong.
Confidence is essential for a “go-to” 
person. This means having experi-
ence, skills and knowledge others 
lack. When others can rely on that 
“go-to” person, it reduces their stress. 
This person can be a doctor, therapist, 
teacher, clergy, mechanic, home-repair 
person or friend.
A colleague inspired me with this 
simple statement: “Confidence is like 
salt. Too much or too little ruins the 
meal.
” Your confidence will flourish 
when you know how to spice your life 
effectively. ■

health

Daniel
Rosenbaum,
Ph.D., L.M.S.W.

Confidence!

These suggestions can help.

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