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“It (self-harm) usu-
ally starts in adoles-
cence, middle or high
school, as a way of
making pain concrete,”
said psychotherapist
Dr. Carolyn Daitch,
director of the Center
Carolyn Daitch
for the Treatment of
Anxiety Disorders in
Farmington Hills. “If
one is experiencing emotional pain they
can’t label, it can feel like a release to feel
physical pain. Unfortunately, after they
do it, they can feel shame.”
Daitch said self-harm can be related
to trauma but is more often a reaction
to emotional stress, vulnerability and
the inability to manage strong feelings.
One of the dangers is that the behavior
becomes habitual and, therefore, difficult
to stop, as in Alana’s case.
“It can become a habit, and we’re
vulnerable to habits,” Daitch explains.
“It can become compulsive. The person
starts to experience a feeling of release
and does it again and again.”
Daitch adds that self-harm can

“My experience is that kids cut to
relieve tension or pain,” said psycho-
therapist Dr. Erin M. Hawks, an assistant
professor at the University of Oklahoma
with family ties to Detroit. “It is usually
not associated with a greater risk of sui-
cide. Cutting helps kids feel in control of
their pain when they feel their lives are
out of control. They cut to relieve pain
not to die.”
Others cut to punish themselves when
they feel guilty, warranted or not.

WHO SELF INJURES?

While the majority of young people who
harm themselves are female, males also
engage in this behavior although in dif-
ferent ways. While girls are more likely to
engage in cutting, boys are more prone to
deliberately bruising themselves or having
others hurt them.
According to the National Institutes
of Health, recent studies have found that
one-third to one-half of adolescents in the
U.S. have engaged in some type of non-
suicidal self-harm. Young people who are
bullied or otherwise rejected by peers are
more likely to injure themselves than oth-

“Self-harm became my best friend. Someone
who I could always turn to whether
I was happy, sad, bored or upset.
Blood became my favorite color.”

— RACHEL

become contagious among groups of
friends.
“These things can be modeled,” she
says. “When they see it, it gets in their
range of possibilities.”
The most frequent sites of self-injury
are the hands, wrists, arms, stomach
and legs. Cutting or burning can result
in serious injuries or infections, but the
majority of self-injurers do not seek med-
ical treatment because of the shame and
stigma associated with the disorder.
In a study published by JAMA (Journal
of the American Medical Association),
among girls 10 to 14 years old, rates of
emergency room visits for treatment
of self-harm surged 18.8 percent yearly
between 2009 and 2015. Researchers
noted that, because this study included
only those who visited an emergency
room, the actual rates of young teens
engaging in self-harm are likely many
times higher.
While many parents worry that their
child who is self-harming may be sui-
cidal, this is usually not the case.

ers. Those who consider themselves part
of a sexual minority, such as gay or bisex-
ual, especially females, also have a higher
rate of self-injurious behavior.

RACHEL’S STORY

Rachel remembers trying to hurt herself
when she was only 5 years old, running
into walls, throwing herself down the stairs
and banging her head against the windows.
Her self-harm, which was accompanied by
suicidal thoughts, progressed throughout
her childhood and into her teenage years.
“Self-harm became my best friend,” she
said. “Someone who I could always turn to
whether I was happy, sad, bored or upset.
Blood became my favorite color.”
After finally working up the courage to
tell her mother she needed help, Rachel
spent time as an inpatient in a psychiatric
hospital and participated in an intensive
outpatient program. When she got out,
things had not improved.
“It didn’t soothe my pain. Things only got
worse. I was 16 when I grabbed a lighter
and a fork and burned myself,” said Rachel.

Rachel’s downward spiral continued,
even after another inpatient stay and sub-
sequent outpatient program.
“I came home and became addicted
to giving myself third-degree burns. No
one could stop me, not even myself. This
was my new reality for a year,” she said.
“In school, I would leave class and choke
myself in the bathroom. I would hold my
breath in class until my eyes would bulge
out. There was no safe place for me here on
Earth.”
Her mother found her another inpa-
tient treatment program, where Rachel
continued to hurt herself despite stringent
monitoring by the staff. Then one day,
something changed. During a group ther-
apy session, Rachel realized that, despite
her suicidal thoughts, she did not want to
die. Her therapist asked her to let go of the
thoughts that led her to hurt herself. She
decided to give it a try.
Rachel commemorates May 1, 2017, as
the day she stopped harming herself.
“I took it day by day. Minute by minute. I
was mourning a loss,” she said.
She lost the will to burn herself. Instead,
she used meditation and deep breathing
to manage her feelings. She trained herself
to daydream about positive things, visual-
izing herself running through meadows
and swimming in calm rivers. Today, she is
happier than she has ever been, something
she thought impossible little more than a
year ago.
“Recovery isn’t a straight line … every-
body can recover,” she says. “You have to
be willing, open and honest. Don’t hide
anymore.”

PARENTS’ PERSPECTIVE

According to Daitch, Alana’s parents
responded in the most beneficial way: They
arranged to get help for their daughter
while remaining supportive, calm and non-
judgmental.
Daitch acknowledges this is difficult for
many parents; but reacting with horror or
panic can cause more damage by eliciting

continued on page 16

14

May 3 • 2018

jn

How To Help

These suggestions were compiled
by professionals and parents of
teens who have engaged in self-
harm:
• If a friend suspects self-harm
is occurring, try to persuade
the person to tell her parents
or another trusted adult. If they
refuse, then tell her parents or a
school counselor, teacher or rabbi.
• Parents should reach out
immediately to make an appoint-
ment with a mental health profes-
sional.
• If wounds are present, make
an appointment with the child’s
primary care physician for an
examination. If the child is bleed-
ing or the wounds appear infect-
ed, take the child or teen to the
emergency room or urgent care.
• Stay close to your kids, keep
apprised of what is going on at
school or with their friends.
• Don’t be afraid to talk about
self-harm, even if the child
doesn’t want to talk about it.
• Parents need to plant the
seed that the feelings their
kids are experiencing will pass.
Children and teens do not realize
that things will get better and that
their feelings and situations will
change.
• Keep the lines of communica-
tion open. If they say things are
fine or under control, don’t be
afraid to ask “how” they are han-
dling things.