jews d in the sponsored by our community partners continued from page 12 “It (self-harm) usu- ally starts in adoles- cence, middle or high school, as a way of making pain concrete,” said psychotherapist Dr. Carolyn Daitch, director of the Center Carolyn Daitch for the Treatment of Anxiety Disorders in Farmington Hills. “If one is experiencing emotional pain they can’t label, it can feel like a release to feel physical pain. Unfortunately, after they do it, they can feel shame.” Daitch said self-harm can be related to trauma but is more often a reaction to emotional stress, vulnerability and the inability to manage strong feelings. One of the dangers is that the behavior becomes habitual and, therefore, difficult to stop, as in Alana’s case. “It can become a habit, and we’re vulnerable to habits,” Daitch explains. “It can become compulsive. The person starts to experience a feeling of release and does it again and again.” Daitch adds that self-harm can “My experience is that kids cut to relieve tension or pain,” said psycho- therapist Dr. Erin M. Hawks, an assistant professor at the University of Oklahoma with family ties to Detroit. “It is usually not associated with a greater risk of sui- cide. Cutting helps kids feel in control of their pain when they feel their lives are out of control. They cut to relieve pain not to die.” Others cut to punish themselves when they feel guilty, warranted or not. WHO SELF INJURES? While the majority of young people who harm themselves are female, males also engage in this behavior although in dif- ferent ways. While girls are more likely to engage in cutting, boys are more prone to deliberately bruising themselves or having others hurt them. According to the National Institutes of Health, recent studies have found that one-third to one-half of adolescents in the U.S. have engaged in some type of non- suicidal self-harm. Young people who are bullied or otherwise rejected by peers are more likely to injure themselves than oth- “Self-harm became my best friend. Someone who I could always turn to whether I was happy, sad, bored or upset. Blood became my favorite color.” — RACHEL become contagious among groups of friends. “These things can be modeled,” she says. “When they see it, it gets in their range of possibilities.” The most frequent sites of self-injury are the hands, wrists, arms, stomach and legs. Cutting or burning can result in serious injuries or infections, but the majority of self-injurers do not seek med- ical treatment because of the shame and stigma associated with the disorder. In a study published by JAMA (Journal of the American Medical Association), among girls 10 to 14 years old, rates of emergency room visits for treatment of self-harm surged 18.8 percent yearly between 2009 and 2015. Researchers noted that, because this study included only those who visited an emergency room, the actual rates of young teens engaging in self-harm are likely many times higher. While many parents worry that their child who is self-harming may be sui- cidal, this is usually not the case. ers. Those who consider themselves part of a sexual minority, such as gay or bisex- ual, especially females, also have a higher rate of self-injurious behavior. RACHEL’S STORY Rachel remembers trying to hurt herself when she was only 5 years old, running into walls, throwing herself down the stairs and banging her head against the windows. Her self-harm, which was accompanied by suicidal thoughts, progressed throughout her childhood and into her teenage years. “Self-harm became my best friend,” she said. “Someone who I could always turn to whether I was happy, sad, bored or upset. Blood became my favorite color.” After finally working up the courage to tell her mother she needed help, Rachel spent time as an inpatient in a psychiatric hospital and participated in an intensive outpatient program. When she got out, things had not improved. “It didn’t soothe my pain. Things only got worse. I was 16 when I grabbed a lighter and a fork and burned myself,” said Rachel. Rachel’s downward spiral continued, even after another inpatient stay and sub- sequent outpatient program. “I came home and became addicted to giving myself third-degree burns. No one could stop me, not even myself. This was my new reality for a year,” she said. “In school, I would leave class and choke myself in the bathroom. I would hold my breath in class until my eyes would bulge out. There was no safe place for me here on Earth.” Her mother found her another inpa- tient treatment program, where Rachel continued to hurt herself despite stringent monitoring by the staff. Then one day, something changed. During a group ther- apy session, Rachel realized that, despite her suicidal thoughts, she did not want to die. Her therapist asked her to let go of the thoughts that led her to hurt herself. She decided to give it a try. Rachel commemorates May 1, 2017, as the day she stopped harming herself. “I took it day by day. Minute by minute. I was mourning a loss,” she said. She lost the will to burn herself. Instead, she used meditation and deep breathing to manage her feelings. She trained herself to daydream about positive things, visual- izing herself running through meadows and swimming in calm rivers. Today, she is happier than she has ever been, something she thought impossible little more than a year ago. “Recovery isn’t a straight line … every- body can recover,” she says. “You have to be willing, open and honest. Don’t hide anymore.” PARENTS’ PERSPECTIVE According to Daitch, Alana’s parents responded in the most beneficial way: They arranged to get help for their daughter while remaining supportive, calm and non- judgmental. Daitch acknowledges this is difficult for many parents; but reacting with horror or panic can cause more damage by eliciting continued on page 16 14 May 3 • 2018 jn How To Help These suggestions were compiled by professionals and parents of teens who have engaged in self- harm: • If a friend suspects self-harm is occurring, try to persuade the person to tell her parents or another trusted adult. If they refuse, then tell her parents or a school counselor, teacher or rabbi. • Parents should reach out immediately to make an appoint- ment with a mental health profes- sional. • If wounds are present, make an appointment with the child’s primary care physician for an examination. If the child is bleed- ing or the wounds appear infect- ed, take the child or teen to the emergency room or urgent care. • Stay close to your kids, keep apprised of what is going on at school or with their friends. • Don’t be afraid to talk about self-harm, even if the child doesn’t want to talk about it. • Parents need to plant the seed that the feelings their kids are experiencing will pass. Children and teens do not realize that things will get better and that their feelings and situations will change. • Keep the lines of communica- tion open. If they say things are fine or under control, don’t be afraid to ask “how” they are han- dling things.