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Raising
Human
Beings
Expert offers
help for solving
“problem kids.”
Vivian Henoch | Special to the Jewish News
P
“Children do well
when they can.”
— Dr. Ross W. Greene
What Kids (And The Rest
Of Us) Need To Know Now
On Sunday, Nov. 20, at
Congregation Shaarey Zedek, Dr.
Ross W. Greene presents “Helping
Behaviorally Challenging Children
and Teens (And While You’re at It,
All the Others)” — a program of
Federation’s Opening the Doors
Annual Anita Naftaly Family Circle
Conference for educators, parents
and mental health professionals.
Schedule: 12:30 p.m. registration
and resource fair, 1:30 p.m. presen-
tation followed by a parent session.
To register, visit https://jewish
detroit.org/event/family circle
or call Shoshana Baruch at (248)
205-2549. Advanced registration is
$20; walk-ins $25 (1.5 CE credits for
social workers additional $10).
22 November 10 • 2016
arents … “Play your cards right
Virginia Tech, Greene is the founding direc-
[with your children] and the ter-
tor of the nonprofit Lives in the Balance,
rible twos can be a time of tremen- an online resource with a “boatload of free
dous growth, learning and exploration. The information” to help and inspire parents,
same can be said for the tumultuous threes. teachers and clinicians to think collabora-
And the fearsome fours. And everything
tively in solving problems with their chil-
that comes after.”
dren and teens.
Speaking of everything that “comes after,”
renowned child psychologist and bestselling WHAT A LIFE IN THE
author Ross W. Greene offers a “game plan” BALANCE LOOKS LIKE
for success in raising human beings. In fact, In case you’re wondering what’s up with the
canoe photo on this page, Greene explains
he’s written the book.
how he uses the canoe as a symbol of adult-
Raising Human Beings: Creating a
child collaboration. According to Greene,
Collaborative Partnership with Your Child
“The CPS model has its roots in the treat-
follows in the footsteps of his previous
ment of kids with social, emotional and
books, The Explosive Child (first published
behavioral challenges … in other words, kids
in 1998), Lost at School and Lost & Found.
who are already in very treacherous waters.
All four books explore a model of parental
“When it comes to helping these kids
and educational guidance that’s come to
move in the right direction, many adults
be known as Collaborative and Proactive
have a tendency to take control of the canoe
Solutions (CPS).
and paddle alone. The problem, of course,
To date, the premise of Greene’s work —
that children do well when they can — and is that challenging kids aren’t the type to sit
idly by while the adult takes charge. They
the model he has developed and describes
often respond to ‘control’ strategies in ways
in his books have been implemented by
that increase the likelihood that the canoe
countless families, schools, clinics and
will tip.
residential facilities throughout the world.
“By contrast, CPS is a process by which
CPS has been researched and validated
adults and kids resolve problems together.
as a scientifically proven intervention. As
When they approach problems collabora-
the model continues to evolve, it also has
become a practical guide for parents, teach- tively and work together toward solutions
that are mutually satisfactory, things head
ers, grandparents — anyone and everyone
with the challenge of raising humans
today.
“There has never been a better
time in human evolution to under-
stand and help behaviorally chal-
lenging kids … because we’ve never
known as much as we do right now
about why and when they’re chal-
lenging and how to help them,” said
Greene.
An associate professor in the
department of psychology at
Parents: Don’t do all the work.
in a positive direction.”
According to Greene, all children have
the same crucial work to do: to figure out
who they are, to discover their skills, pref-
erences, beliefs, values, personality traits,
goals and direction. Kids need to get com-
fortable with the person they are and then
pursue and live their lives accordingly.
And likewise, parents have an impor-
tant task as well: to figure out who their
children are, get comfortable with each as
individuals and then help them live life to
their fullest potential. As Greene describes,
our task as parents is not to helicopter and
model our children into the form we envi-
sion — but to partner with our children,
solve problems collaboratively with respect,
dignity and compassion.
Of course, as parents we all have expecta-
tions and demands, as does the world.
Green explains: “For toddlers, the world
starts demanding that they sit still and pay
attention for longer periods of time, that
they demonstrate greater flexibility and
adaptability.
“As kids grow, we expect that they exhibit
increasingly sophisticated, nuanced social
skills, self-regulation and resilience — a
whole constellation of skills related to an
ability to solve problems, master school-
work and homework, participate in sports,
make and keep friends, handle frustration,
settle disagreements adaptively, make deci-
sions, plan, control impulses and succeed in
their life’s pursuits.”
Parenting is a journey. Invariably prob-
lems arise. But as Greene attests, solving
problems collaboratively with our children
leads to improved communication, better
relationships and fostering the lifetime skills
we all need to succeed in the world.
*
Vivian Henoch is editor of Federation’s
MyJewishDetroit.org, where this story first appeared.