metro » Raising Human Beings Expert offers help for solving “problem kids.” Vivian Henoch | Special to the Jewish News P “Children do well when they can.” — Dr. Ross W. Greene What Kids (And The Rest Of Us) Need To Know Now On Sunday, Nov. 20, at Congregation Shaarey Zedek, Dr. Ross W. Greene presents “Helping Behaviorally Challenging Children and Teens (And While You’re at It, All the Others)” — a program of Federation’s Opening the Doors Annual Anita Naftaly Family Circle Conference for educators, parents and mental health professionals. Schedule: 12:30 p.m. registration and resource fair, 1:30 p.m. presen- tation followed by a parent session. To register, visit https://jewish detroit.org/event/family circle or call Shoshana Baruch at (248) 205-2549. Advanced registration is $20; walk-ins $25 (1.5 CE credits for social workers additional $10). 22 November 10 • 2016 arents … “Play your cards right Virginia Tech, Greene is the founding direc- [with your children] and the ter- tor of the nonprofit Lives in the Balance, rible twos can be a time of tremen- an online resource with a “boatload of free dous growth, learning and exploration. The information” to help and inspire parents, same can be said for the tumultuous threes. teachers and clinicians to think collabora- And the fearsome fours. And everything tively in solving problems with their chil- that comes after.” dren and teens. Speaking of everything that “comes after,” renowned child psychologist and bestselling WHAT A LIFE IN THE author Ross W. Greene offers a “game plan” BALANCE LOOKS LIKE for success in raising human beings. In fact, In case you’re wondering what’s up with the canoe photo on this page, Greene explains he’s written the book. how he uses the canoe as a symbol of adult- Raising Human Beings: Creating a child collaboration. According to Greene, Collaborative Partnership with Your Child “The CPS model has its roots in the treat- follows in the footsteps of his previous ment of kids with social, emotional and books, The Explosive Child (first published behavioral challenges … in other words, kids in 1998), Lost at School and Lost & Found. who are already in very treacherous waters. All four books explore a model of parental “When it comes to helping these kids and educational guidance that’s come to move in the right direction, many adults be known as Collaborative and Proactive have a tendency to take control of the canoe Solutions (CPS). and paddle alone. The problem, of course, To date, the premise of Greene’s work — that children do well when they can — and is that challenging kids aren’t the type to sit idly by while the adult takes charge. They the model he has developed and describes often respond to ‘control’ strategies in ways in his books have been implemented by that increase the likelihood that the canoe countless families, schools, clinics and will tip. residential facilities throughout the world. “By contrast, CPS is a process by which CPS has been researched and validated adults and kids resolve problems together. as a scientifically proven intervention. As When they approach problems collabora- the model continues to evolve, it also has become a practical guide for parents, teach- tively and work together toward solutions that are mutually satisfactory, things head ers, grandparents — anyone and everyone with the challenge of raising humans today. “There has never been a better time in human evolution to under- stand and help behaviorally chal- lenging kids … because we’ve never known as much as we do right now about why and when they’re chal- lenging and how to help them,” said Greene. An associate professor in the department of psychology at Parents: Don’t do all the work. in a positive direction.” According to Greene, all children have the same crucial work to do: to figure out who they are, to discover their skills, pref- erences, beliefs, values, personality traits, goals and direction. Kids need to get com- fortable with the person they are and then pursue and live their lives accordingly. And likewise, parents have an impor- tant task as well: to figure out who their children are, get comfortable with each as individuals and then help them live life to their fullest potential. As Greene describes, our task as parents is not to helicopter and model our children into the form we envi- sion — but to partner with our children, solve problems collaboratively with respect, dignity and compassion. Of course, as parents we all have expecta- tions and demands, as does the world. Green explains: “For toddlers, the world starts demanding that they sit still and pay attention for longer periods of time, that they demonstrate greater flexibility and adaptability. “As kids grow, we expect that they exhibit increasingly sophisticated, nuanced social skills, self-regulation and resilience — a whole constellation of skills related to an ability to solve problems, master school- work and homework, participate in sports, make and keep friends, handle frustration, settle disagreements adaptively, make deci- sions, plan, control impulses and succeed in their life’s pursuits.” Parenting is a journey. Invariably prob- lems arise. But as Greene attests, solving problems collaboratively with our children leads to improved communication, better relationships and fostering the lifetime skills we all need to succeed in the world. * Vivian Henoch is editor of Federation’s MyJewishDetroit.org, where this story first appeared.