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Koby Mandell
instance, coped with tragedy by bak-
ing lemon pies.
“Pain is energy,” Mandell explains,
and the energy needs to be chan-
neled.
• What follows is commemora-
tion, which Mandell contends can
be a uniquely Jewish concept. The
word “remember” is mentioned in
the Torah 169 times. It is also a way
to build strength and resilience, she
says.
Mandell refers to studies conduct-
ed in the 1990s and early 2000s by
Marshall Duke of Emory University,
which found that the more children
know about their families, the better
they tend to do when facing chal-
lenges.
Working with Dr. Robyn Fivush,
Duke in 2001 asked dozens of fami-
lies questions about how much they
knew about their families’ pasts,
such as where their grandparents
grew up or if anything terrible had
ever happened. Children who knew
more about their family’s history had
a stronger sense of control over their
lives, higher self-esteem and a strong
belief that their families functioned
successfully.
• The sixth step is consecra-
tion — making something holy.
For the Mandell family, this came
through the establishment of the
Koby Mandell Foundation, which
today runs the Camp Koby overnight
camps for Israeli children who have
lost a parent or sibling to terror or
tragedy. The five-week experience
aims to play a significant role in the
recovery and healing process for its
campers.
• Finally, there’s celebration.
“Celebration is when you have a
deeper sense of what is true in this
world,” Mandell says. “You are no
longer innocent … You have faced
real limits, connected more to the
unlimited. You know what down
is, so you know what up is … Most
people think the world to come is
the next world. But people who have
real trauma and suffering, they know
the world to come is also here.”
When one completes these seven
steps — and they can overlap — one
has built resilience, Mandell argues.
But she does not define “resilience”
like the Merriam-Webster diction-
ary — an ability to recover from
or adjust easily to misfortune or
change. Rather, she frames resil-
ience as “reformation” or “transfor-
mation.”
“I am a different person now,” she
says. “Resilience is when you become
greater in whatever you are going to
become greater in.”
ONEWOMAN PLAY
Todd Salovey, associate artistic
director of the San Diego Repertory
Theatre, recently wrote and produced
a play (through the Los Angeles Jewish
Women’s Theatre) based on Mandell’s
first memoir, The Blessing of a Broken
Heart (Toby Press, 2003), which won
a National Jewish Book Award in
2004. He says the one-woman show
(Mandell is played by actress Lisa
Robins), which ended its first run
in March but will likely be shown in
other theaters outside of California,
depicts Sherri Mandell’s gentleness
and warmth.
Salovey — who says he has read
everything Mandell has written
since she was 12 years old, including
her latest book and scores of essays
and articles published in various
magazines and journals — praises
the author’s use of language and
describes his relationship with her as
“life-changing.”
“Sherri taught me you have to
take things that are not happy in life
and make meaning. That is part of
what saved Sherri and Seth [her hus-
band],” Salovey says.
Mandell agrees. “In this book,” she
says, “I am giving people the chance
to build resilience.” *
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