them. I guide them through the process.
“Each case is different, but I walk the
couple through one step at a time, and
we slowly resolve every issue. If there
are disputes, I help them work through
them and, over time, we are able to reach
an agreement, one that they have put
together.”
With the guidance of a mediator,
Smith noted, the parties craft a divorce
in the same manner they crafted their
marriage.
“It can be more amicable, but that
doesn’t mean there aren’t some difficult
moments,” she said. “I don’t allow any-
thing to get out of hand. My experience
as a judge and mediator allows me to
control most situations so everyone is
comfortable.
“Because I don’t actually advise the
parties, I strongly recommend they
take the agreed-upon resolution to their
attorneys for advisement. If the lawyer
notices something that needs to be fine-
tuned, he or she comes back to me and
we work it out.”
In handling divorce through media-
tion without lawyers, Smith pointed out,
her clients can save thousands of dollars.
“I really think this is the right way to
get divorced,” she asserted. “I feel like I
really helped people get through this in
the most civil, mindful way possible. But
it’s not right for every case. I do handle
divorces and, in many cases, the people
need to go through the ‘fight.’ Yet in
many instances, mediation is the best
policy for everyone involved.”
Smith, who grew up attend-
ing Congregation B’nai Moshe in
West Bloomfield, is now a member
of Congregation Shaarey Zedek in
Southfield, where in the late 1990s she
was a member of the congregation’s
board of directors. For several years,
Smith was involved in Moies Chetim
(“wheat fund”), hosting fundraising
events for the distribution of food and
holiday necessities for those in need at
Passover. She also served on the board of
the American Jewish Committee.
In Smith’s view, the most important
thing in divorce where there are chil-
dren are the children. Money issues can
always be fixed, she said, but if mistakes
are made with children, “you don’t get
a second chance to fix them. Adults’
behavior during divorce can have lasting
impacts on children, and unacceptable
behavior can do irreparable harm. How
you act with your kids during divorce is
of paramount importance.
“It’s possible to get divorced without
animosity, without turning a former
spouse into an enemy,” she said. “With
mediation, whether dealing with attor-
neys or not, I try to be a sane voice in a
turbulent environment.”
ent a unique set of challenges. “Some
of the kids I’ve seen are smarter than
their teachers,” he added, “but they’re
still young and need to be encouraged,
too — just on a different level. Many
of them ask complex questions, and it
is faith-affirming to show them Torah
explanations can stand up to their
inquiries.”
Cohen noted the most reward-
ing aspect of providing bar and bat
mitzvah tutoring has been seeing a
child whom everyone has given up on
(including the child himself) gain con-
fidence, dignity and a sense of accom-
plishment. “Each child is unique, and I
always create tailor-made materials to
ensure his or her success.”
Cohen said many parents have come
to him to tell him how much his teach-
ing has impacted their families. He
has received moving testimonials from
parents of children he’s instructed,
including the following from a girl’s
mother:
“Our daughter has ADHD and
wasn’t able to focus on her portion.
Marcel was the only one who could get
her to achieve so much. His patience,
love and dedication were beyond
belief. Without him, there would have
been no bat mitzvah.”
The father of a young man had this
to say:
“My son, Robbie, is shy and soft-
spoken. We were concerned he
wouldn’t want to have a bar mitzvah.
Marcel was able to bring him to the
point where he mastered his Torah
portion and even worked on vocal
training to improve the way Robbie
sounds. Marcel is a master teacher,
and any child is fortunate who has him
as a teacher.”
Cohen’s bar/bat mitzvah tutoring
service is continuing to grow, by refer-
rals, word-of-mouth and through his
website: www.mybarmitzvahlessons.
com. He continues to teach larger
groups of special needs adults, but
noted he feels most effective doing
one-on-one work.
“My vocation is based on my broth-
er,” Cohen said with emotion. “That’s
what he’s given me. I feel there are
many kids out there who think they
can’t have a bar or bat mitzvah. But it
was my love both for Aaron and for
Judaism that encouraged me to gain
the skills and knowledge to pursue this
important calling. Every child I help
to achieve this coming of age is in his
merit.”
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