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Parshat Yitro: Exodus 18:1-20:23;
Isaiah 6:1-7:6; 9:5-9:6.
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M
ommy, Ezra just said the
F word:' The F word has
long been banished from
our home. Not the F word you might
be thinking of (though that
one is too!), I mean the
word "fair:'
No one on Earth can spot
injustice faster than a child
whose sibling got a larger
piece of cake. Kids are
masters at bearing witness
to inequality "He got more
juice than me:' "She got a
longer bedtime story:' From
children, we expect such
complaints.
Yet, as we grow older, if we aren't
mindful of this mentality, the "f" word
can sabotage our capacity for satisfac-
tion and happiness.
In this week's Torah portion, Yitro,
we read the Ten Commandments. The
10th commandment says: Thou shalt
not covet thy neighbor's house, thou
shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, or
his manservant, or his maidservant, or
his ox, or his donkey or anything that
is thy neighbor's.
Compared to "Thou shalt not mur-
der" or "Thou shalt not steal; the last
commandment may seem relatively
harmless. Is desiring my neighbor's
house or spouse really a crime? As
long as I don't act upon these desires,
what is the problem with it?
Some of the traditional commen-
taries say that the reason the Torah
prohibits coveting is that it leads to
the possible breaking of other com-
mandments. The logic goes: If we
want something that isn't ours, we will
be tempted to steal it or break other
commandments in order to obtain it.
To my mind, however, there must be
another reason for this to be a com-
mandment in its own right.
When we focus on what another
has, we fail to appreciate what we our-
selves have. Someone will always have
a nicer house, more lucrative job or a
more talented child.
Another problem with
comparing our lives to oth-
ers is that it is impossible
for us to make an accurate
comparison; we always lack
critical information about
the other. We compare what
we think others have to
what we actually have and
we come up short. Other
people's status updates
rarely include trips to the
marriage counselor or the bankruptcy
attorney. Color-coordinated family
photos and soccer trophies are just a
small snapshot into lives that may be
filled with more tzuris than you could
possibly imagine.
Two thousand years ago, the Talmud
taught us that the secret to happiness
is not getting what we want, but want-
ing what we have. Life isn't always
going to be fair and the sooner we
learn to accept this, the greater our
capacity for happiness.
There is a reason that the mezuzot
that adorn our doorposts contain the
word Shadai. Shadai is the name for
God, which means "Enough:' Each
time we walk through the doors of our
homes, we are meant to look upon the
mezuzah and remember that on the
other side of our door lies "enough:'
By focusing our attention on appre-
ciating what we have, we create a sense
of peace, satisfaction and joy — which,
more than our neighbor's house,
spouse or donkey, is probably what we
truly covet.
❑
Rachel Shere is a rabbi at Adat Shalom
Synagogue in Farmington Hills.
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