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Honesty Counts
Home Care at the Highest Standard
For Breast Cancer Awareness Month,
survivor offers advice for support.
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• Have no expectations or
requirements for a response.
"I'm often asked, 'What can I do to
help?"' she says. "What I've suggested:
Be in my life at my pace, let me take
the lead; make your presence, avail-
ability and support known, but do it
without any expectations or require-
ments for a response:'
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The care you need to get you back to your life
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46
October 16 • 2014
S by about asking "What's the
etiquette for supporting my
loved one, friend or colleague
in their battle against cancer?" many
people simply avoid the question alto-
gether — and offer nothing.
"It's OK to wonder, and it's OK to
ask. Be direct!" says Jane Schwartzberg
of Montclair, N.J., who has been bat-
tling stage 4 metastatic cancer for
several years. She's the co-author with
Marcy Tolkoff Levy of Naked Jane
Bares All, which shares her story with
candor and humor.
Schwartzberg was a 31-year-old
newlywed when she was first diag-
nosed with breast cancer. She under-
went treatment and eventually was
declared cancer free. She moved on
with her life, giving birth to two chil-
dren and launching a technology com-
pany. Then, at 42, the cancer returned.
She's now 45.
"I'm a fighter, and the support
I've received from my family and
friends has given me an immeasur-
able amount of strength, without
which I don't know what I would do:'
Schwartzberg says.
She offers these suggestions for sup-
port:
• Embrace their big dream, even if
it doesn't sound realistic.
During a very low point, Schwartzberg
was asked by a friend: If you could
have anything, swinging for the fences,
what would help you get out of this
pit? Without skipping a beat, she
answered, "I want to take [comedian]
Larry David out to lunch:' As impos-
sible as it seemed, her friend encour-
aged her to write to the co-creator of
Seinfeld — and he accepted.
As terrible as having terminal
cancer is, there is that undeniable
quality of embracing every moment,
including asking your heroes out to
lunch:' Schwartzberg says. "Cancer
brings out the boldness in people,
naked jape
b es all
a tale of triumph,
travails & ta-tas
"Jane Schwartzberg's
attitude toward cancer is
better than mine when
I have a cold. This book
moved me. Aargh•
—LARRY DAVID
(
Jane Schwartzberg
& Marcy Tolkoff Levy
which may entail a dream vacation
to Hawaii. Don't be afraid to embrace
their wishes:'
• Don't hesitate to say, "You
look beautiful;' when health has
returned.
After her chemotherapy treatments
ended, Schwartzberg slowly started
looking like her old self — healthy
Jane, not cancer Jane. Part of reengag-
ing with life is caring about the super-
ficial things, at least to some extent.
On the unforgettable day she met
Larry David, the maitre d had before-
hand told her that she looked beauti-
ful, to which she responded, "You have
no idea how much I appreciate that:'
• Don't sugarcoat it.
"If you want to really infuriate me,
you'll tell me that this whole mess is
beshert, Yiddish for 'meant to be' —
that it's all part of a plan from a higher
power," she says. "Maybe terminal
cancer is part of some crazy plan, but
I promise you that these are the last
things I want to hear from anyone:'
Don't try to put a positive spin on
what's going on — in fact, it's more
of a comfort to Jane when others
acknowledge that her situation
stinks and that she is looking at a life
that's far different from, and likely
to be shorter than, anything she'd
imagined.
❑
For more on Schwartzberg's book, go to
www.nakedjanebaresall.com .