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Dear Debra,
I've attended wed-
Debra Darvick
dings on the wrong
day, gone to events at
the Terrace Gardens instead of the Gar-
den Terrace, searched for a restaurant
on Main Street East when it was located
on Main Street West. Why does this keep
happening to me, and what can I do to
remember things better?

I was struck by your dilemma of
remembering, given that one of Juda-
ism's bywords is zachor or remember.
Why not take a page from your people
and codify a way to remember what is
important.
Print a stack of "zachor" cards that
have space for you to pencil in info for
the following pre-set prompts: Where,
what time, address, contact person,
contact's cell, and what do I need to
bring? Every night before you go to
bed, review the next day's events and
fill in the blanks on one of your pre-
printed "zachor" cards. Put the card,
and any needed items — yoga mat,
wedding gift, etc. — with your car keys.
The zachor cards must become your
own personal bible. Don't leave home
without one. This won't help you know
right from left, but it will definitely help
you get where you need to be, on time
and with the right stuff.

Dear Debra,

My son took a brand new book out of

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the library that has a tear-out poster in
the back. He loves these posters and has
them from other books in the series.
He asked the librarian if he can have
the poster, and she said no. Do I let him
take it anyway?! know if it's not him, it's
going to be the next kid.

— To Tear or Not to Tear

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Dear Tear,

Although the 10 Commandments
were inscribed upon stone, the eighth
— Thou shalt not steal — also applies
to tear-out posters in a library book.
Allow your son to remove the poster
and you teach him that it's OK to steal,
OK to ignore authority, and that his
wants override the enjoyment of oth-
ers. You didn't say if the posters your
son already has were purchased or
pilfered; I do hope it's the former.
Permitting your son to steal using
the rationale"if it's not him it will be
the next kid"sets a terrible precedent.
Your attitude assumes the worst of hu-
manity (everyone's a thief) and green-

lights future misdeeds. If the next kid
is going to steal a candy bar, so can he.
If the next kid is going to spread cyber
hate, so can he.
If your son has an allowance, have
him use his savings to buy the book.
Or give him some extra chores to earn
the money to make the purchase.That
way you teach him that he has the
power within himself to achieve what
he wants without resorting to crime.

Dear Debra.
My husband was out walking and saw
our neighbor intoxicated and half-hang-
ing out the open door of his car, which
was parked at the curb on our street. He
did not get involved or call the police
because he said two teenaged girls were
already there speaking to the man. We
don't know these neighbors well, but
from the weekend noise they seem to be
big partiers and drinkers. This neighbor
has had health problems in the past, and
I hate to think that he could be out driv-
ing drunk. He could kill someone. What
can we do?— Neighborly

Dear Neighborly,

Would that your husband (the lone
adult present in the scenario you de-
scribe) had gotten involved and called
the police. You say your neighbor has
had health problems.
You also assume they are big par-
tiers and drinkers from their weekend
noise. In this specific case, you have
no way of knowing if he was indeed
drunk, in pain from his illness or react-
ing to medication.The police could
have assessed the situation and acted
accordingly.
An upcoming Torah portion (Shoftim
or Judges, Deuteronomy 19:15) instructs
us that when it comes to giving testi-
mony against someone, two or more
witnesses are required. Neither you nor
your husband would have made reli-
able witnesses in this instance.
When and if future opportunities
arise, be friendly to your neighbors.
Be watchful, not snoopy, when and if
you see your neighbor driving in the
neighborhood. Should this episode
repeat itself, contact the authorities,
remaining with your neighbor until
they arrive. But unless and until that
happens, you must give your neighbor
the benefit of the doubt and maybe
even some cookies next time you're
baking.

Debra Dark* shares her unique take on life, books
and more at debradarvick.com.

1929830

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