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40 June 19 • 2014

t's June ... finally! Nice weather,
health and may mediate the difficul-
important occasions and the
ties associated with stress. Rituals
whole summer ahead of us —
encourage grittiness or the ability to
including a steady stream of ritual
persevere despite obstacles.
moments! June is a month
For parents or grand-
of celebrations, and cel-
parents, the ritual most
ebrations involve rituals.
identifiable to us in our
Weddings, graduations,
youth may have been the
family dinner. It was likely
vacations, the annual
Father's Day barbeque;
during those times that the
these summer staples help
family gathered to eat, talk
shape the family identity.
and share stories of the day.
You may not think of
For today's busy families,
what you do as ritualistic,
dinner may be on the run,
but I bet that if you have
so other rituals can be cre-
young children in your
ated that promote together-
Ell en
life, they do. They know
ness,
such as family story
Ya s hi nsky
time,
game night or regular
that each holiday you cel-
Chu to
ebrate has certain customs
conversation about daily
that are unique to you and
events.
your family. These are family rituals.
New parents learn the importance
To quote Amitai Etzione, the promi-
of a ritualized bedtime routine, as
nent Israeli-American sociologist,
well as the creation of "date night:'
"We are what we celebrate:'
A mother of three children once told
All families have rituals. For
me of a storytelling sing-a-thon ritual
her family had while in the carpool
parents who have similar upbring-
ings or family backgrounds, the
line. She also said that the ritual
establishment of family rituals may
had to be slightly amended once the
be an unconscious continuation of
children were pre-teens, in order to
intergenerational patterns. For other
sustain their identity while avoiding
their humiliation!
families, creating new rituals may be
a more difficult process.
I have a computer file for holiday
Whether through compromise,
celebrations, which has shopping
lists, menus, helpful hints from pre-
acquiescence or determined creativ-
ity, rituals create family identities.
vious years and guest lists. I use my
This is reflected brilliantly in the
file for each holiday because our fam-
central scene in Barry Levinson's
ily ritual is to have the same specific
movie Avalon, when Uncle Gabriel
foods for each holiday every year.
When my family gathers to Break the
is indignant that his brother cut
Fast following Yom Kippur, the menu
the turkey before he arrives for
Thanksgiving dinner. The breaking
is a given. Much of the food that I
of this traditional ritual causes a per-
serve at that meal is not served at
manent family rift and changes the
any other time during the year. I have
family forever.
suggested something new and differ-
Sometimes, rituals are socially
ent to my kids and grandkids, and
recognized acts that have prescribed
they are adamant about wanting the
same menu.
meanings. We associate the engage-
ment of two people to be married
I learned that more important
with the giving of a ring. Amidst
than something new and delicious
is something old and familiar. It is
the ever-evolving changes in the
traditional family structure, families
comfort, tradition, family. It is us.
today often create new rituals to vali- The guest list changes, the family
date their own experience.
members change, but the menu is
For example, single parents cre-
the menu. It is a constant. We can all
ate rituals with their children that
count on it, and we do.
might be different than their coupled
What are your family rituals? How
counterparts. In any case, rituals give were they created? How do you honor
family members a sense of security
them?
and stability, which serve as depend-
Ellen Yashinsky Chute is the chief
able supports when there might be
community outreach officer at Jewish
chaos in other areas. Research tells
Family Service of Metropolitan Detroit.
us that this is crucial to our mental