ex-husband came to the house on
their daughter's murder.
several occasions, violating the PPO
"It ended my mother's life he said.
she had obtained. When she called
"She could function and go to the store,
the police, they would tell him to leave
but mostly she would sit at the kitchen
instead of arresting him.
table with her black cup of coffee and
According to 48th District Court
just stare. My father, who was a Holocaust
Judge Kimberly Small, the legal system
survivor, said he went through every-
is often hampered by victims who
thing terrible, but this was the worst
change their stories once the matter is
... this shouldn't happen to anyone."
brought before the court.
Children who grow up in abusive
"When fear sets in, many women
homes also are affected long into the
tend to go into denial," she said.
future. Although Sara has been happily
Survivors may also become caught in remarried for what she describes as
the middle of conflicts between domes- "several flawless, drama-free years:'
tic relations orders regarding custody
her prior experience has had a lasting
and parenting time and child protec-
effect on all of her children, especially
tion proceedings. Because the general
her two oldest sons.
presumption of the courts is that strong
"They have had issues with alcohol
relationships with both par-
and drugs, self-esteem,
ents are in the best interest of
trust, anger and self-
the children, a woman who
confidence," she said. "And
tries to keep her children away
the others have trust issues,
from an abusive ex-spouse
feeling like they have to be
may face contempt charges for
perfect to be accepted. It's
violating custody and parent-
kind of a morph of all the
ing time orders.
issues I had:'
On the other side, survivors
Men Can Help
can be cited for "failure to pro- Jonatha n
tect" if they continue to main- Warsha
Although domestic abuse
tain ties with a batterer, even
has traditionally been
if the court has ordered joint custody or considered a women's issue, Chute and
unsupervised visits.
other advocates would like to see more
West Bloomfield attorney Jonathan
men become proactive.
Warshay advises survivors to seek
"A Call to Men:' a national organiza-
advice from a lawyer familiar with those tion that focuses on the role of men
issues and to disclose any history of
in ending domestic violence, has a
abuse, even if it is no longer occurring.
website (www.acalltomen.org ) that
"Abuse can be a factor when deciding Lists ways for men to get involved.
matters relating to custody, parenting
Suggestions include speaking out
time, spousal support and payment of
instead of using silence to affirm
court costs and legal fees',' he said.
abusive behavior, educating boys and
Warshay recommends keeping
young men about treating girls and
detailed documentation of every inci-
women with respect, and changing the
dent of abuse, verbal and physical,
traditional images of manhood that
including copies of police reports and
foster domestic abuse.
photos of bruises or injuries. "This
Nineteen years later, Gutman says
makes it easier for courts to give favor-
the hole left by Linda's death has never
able rulings to survivors:' he said.
really gone away. "After we had the
unveiling, I went over to where her
Residual Victims
husband was buried, and I spit on his
Domestic abuse affects not only the vic- grave he said. "I didn't care. there
tim, but also the entire family. Gutman
were people in the cemetery, but I
said his parents never recovered from
didn't care. She was a jewel." II
Helping Kids With
Learning Disabilities
Helping children with learning dis-
abilities find social success will be the
focus of a conference featuring Rick
Lavoie, a nationally recognized expert,
3 p.m. Sunday, Jan. 29, at Adat Shalom
Synagogue in Farmington Hills.
"It's So Much Work To Be Your
Friend: Helping Kids with Learning
Disabilities and Other Challenges
Find Social Success" is presented by
the Jewish Federation's Alliance for
Jewish Education's Opening the Doors
Program.
The program is designed for educa-
tors, mental health practitioners and
parents of students with learning dis-
abilities and other challenges.
Lavoie will discuss the link between
learning disabilities and social skill
competence that impact children
daily.
Advanced registration is $5; $10 at
the door. Nirim out-of-network cred-
its are available. There is an additional
$10 for CE Clock hours for social
workers.To register, visit jewishde-
troit.org,/Lavoie, or call Ellen Maiseloff
at (248) 205-2533. II
..
esenting
Pr
PIGA ous e. Tnegti r
Join Us January 21st • 11 am. • Orchard Mall Center Court
Paula Doak
The merry music maker will bring her most enchanting
sing-along songs!
0
O
/I
RC
CRAM
WEST BLOOMFIELD • MICHIGAN
nteractiv
itntertainm
for kids
Orcluirti Lake Road • North of Maple
For more info visit: www.orchardmallwb.com
w
ookstock.
USED BOOK AND MEDIA SALE
SUPPORTING THE NEED TO READ
10TH ANNIVERSARY
DONATE USED BOOKS AND MEDIA NOW:
All kinds of gently used books plus
audiobooks, videos, records, cds and dvds
COLOSSAL COLLECTION
U D
JCC West Bloomfield
loading dock
ADDITIONAL DROP OFF SITES:
Check our website or call
for exact dates and hours:
NE W
O CAT I
ONI
www.bookstock.info
248-645-7840 ext. 365
Jewish Community Center, Ann Arbor
Sunday, January 22, 2012
11:00 a.m.-1:00 p.m.
Jewish Community Center, Oak Park
Jewish Community Center, West Bloomfield
Laurel Park Place, Livonia
Sarah and Ralph Davidson Hadassah House,
West Bloomfield
bookstock
REMEMBER TO SHOP OUR SALE APRIL 22-29, 2012
HA
DAS
SAH
MIK
NEXT
A k.ish
witd
Co=ity
.
Golan]
,IN
NC J
FoweiCa.M.4%.•11.4o.
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UNLNETY CENTER
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AMERICA
1720740
January 19 • 2012
13