ex-husband came to the house on their daughter's murder. several occasions, violating the PPO "It ended my mother's life he said. she had obtained. When she called "She could function and go to the store, the police, they would tell him to leave but mostly she would sit at the kitchen instead of arresting him. table with her black cup of coffee and According to 48th District Court just stare. My father, who was a Holocaust Judge Kimberly Small, the legal system survivor, said he went through every- is often hampered by victims who thing terrible, but this was the worst change their stories once the matter is ... this shouldn't happen to anyone." brought before the court. Children who grow up in abusive "When fear sets in, many women homes also are affected long into the tend to go into denial," she said. future. Although Sara has been happily Survivors may also become caught in remarried for what she describes as the middle of conflicts between domes- "several flawless, drama-free years:' tic relations orders regarding custody her prior experience has had a lasting and parenting time and child protec- effect on all of her children, especially tion proceedings. Because the general her two oldest sons. presumption of the courts is that strong "They have had issues with alcohol relationships with both par- and drugs, self-esteem, ents are in the best interest of trust, anger and self- the children, a woman who confidence," she said. "And tries to keep her children away the others have trust issues, from an abusive ex-spouse feeling like they have to be may face contempt charges for perfect to be accepted. It's violating custody and parent- kind of a morph of all the ing time orders. issues I had:' On the other side, survivors Men Can Help can be cited for "failure to pro- Jonatha n tect" if they continue to main- Warsha Although domestic abuse tain ties with a batterer, even has traditionally been if the court has ordered joint custody or considered a women's issue, Chute and unsupervised visits. other advocates would like to see more West Bloomfield attorney Jonathan men become proactive. Warshay advises survivors to seek "A Call to Men:' a national organiza- advice from a lawyer familiar with those tion that focuses on the role of men issues and to disclose any history of in ending domestic violence, has a abuse, even if it is no longer occurring. website (www.acalltomen.org ) that "Abuse can be a factor when deciding Lists ways for men to get involved. matters relating to custody, parenting Suggestions include speaking out time, spousal support and payment of instead of using silence to affirm court costs and legal fees',' he said. abusive behavior, educating boys and Warshay recommends keeping young men about treating girls and detailed documentation of every inci- women with respect, and changing the dent of abuse, verbal and physical, traditional images of manhood that including copies of police reports and foster domestic abuse. photos of bruises or injuries. "This Nineteen years later, Gutman says makes it easier for courts to give favor- the hole left by Linda's death has never able rulings to survivors:' he said. really gone away. "After we had the unveiling, I went over to where her Residual Victims husband was buried, and I spit on his Domestic abuse affects not only the vic- grave he said. "I didn't care. there tim, but also the entire family. Gutman were people in the cemetery, but I said his parents never recovered from didn't care. She was a jewel." II Helping Kids With Learning Disabilities Helping children with learning dis- abilities find social success will be the focus of a conference featuring Rick Lavoie, a nationally recognized expert, 3 p.m. Sunday, Jan. 29, at Adat Shalom Synagogue in Farmington Hills. "It's So Much Work To Be Your Friend: Helping Kids with Learning Disabilities and Other Challenges Find Social Success" is presented by the Jewish Federation's Alliance for Jewish Education's Opening the Doors Program. The program is designed for educa- tors, mental health practitioners and parents of students with learning dis- abilities and other challenges. Lavoie will discuss the link between learning disabilities and social skill competence that impact children daily. Advanced registration is $5; $10 at the door. Nirim out-of-network cred- its are available. There is an additional $10 for CE Clock hours for social workers.To register, visit jewishde- troit.org,/Lavoie, or call Ellen Maiseloff at (248) 205-2533. II .. esenting Pr PIGA ous e. Tnegti r Join Us January 21st • 11 am. • Orchard Mall Center Court Paula Doak The merry music maker will bring her most enchanting sing-along songs! 0 O /I RC CRAM WEST BLOOMFIELD • MICHIGAN nteractiv itntertainm for kids Orcluirti Lake Road • North of Maple For more info visit: www.orchardmallwb.com w ookstock. USED BOOK AND MEDIA SALE SUPPORTING THE NEED TO READ 10TH ANNIVERSARY DONATE USED BOOKS AND MEDIA NOW: All kinds of gently used books plus audiobooks, videos, records, cds and dvds COLOSSAL COLLECTION U D JCC West Bloomfield loading dock ADDITIONAL DROP OFF SITES: Check our website or call for exact dates and hours: NE W O CAT I ONI www.bookstock.info 248-645-7840 ext. 365 Jewish Community Center, Ann Arbor Sunday, January 22, 2012 11:00 a.m.-1:00 p.m. Jewish Community Center, Oak Park Jewish Community Center, West Bloomfield Laurel Park Place, Livonia Sarah and Ralph Davidson Hadassah House, West Bloomfield bookstock REMEMBER TO SHOP OUR SALE APRIL 22-29, 2012 HA DAS SAH MIK NEXT A k.ish witd Co=ity . Golan] ,IN NC J FoweiCa.M.4%.•11.4o. /14-6 4- g4:1AI1 <0;M:41 UNLNETY CENTER Of <04.43......./ AMERICA 1720740 January 19 • 2012 13