A
newly purchased bed arrived
puts on a mattress. The data generated
at my house recently, and
from my large frame was off the charts,
trust me, the decision-mak-
with the computer showing more dips
ing process that went into choosing it
and spikes than a Kwame Kilpatrick
surpassed the mental exer-
lie-detector test. With this
cise required to buy a new
high-tech info in hand, I found
car. With all due respect to
myself jumping onto more
Goldilocks, it took more
beds than Tiger Woods.
than just a few minutes to
I arrived at the first floor
decide what manufacturer
sample with an open mind
was too soft, too hard or
and a willingness to think
juuuuust right. It took six
outside the box spring. I tried
hours! Goldilocks didn't
out the aforementioned "giant
have to decide between
sponge of a bed:' the famous
pillow top covers, single or
Tempur-Pedic; the one you can
Alan
double springs, or a stan-
place a glass of wine on, jump
Muskovitz
dard mattress versus one
up and down and not spill a
Jewish News
that was more like a giant
drop. It was much more com-
Columnist
sponge.
fortable than I expected. And
The first phase of this
I still can't believe the technol-
new mattress buying exercise ended
ogy that allowed the divot I made with
up being humiliating. I was asked to
my "husky" body type to bounce back
lie on a computer-wired "test bed" that
like a fresh marshmallow. I was nearly
measured the pressure points my body
sold on this space-age sleep surface,
.114 CONTENTS
until it was time to get off the bed. I
swayed back and forth as if trying to
disembark a small boat in high seas.
Think what it's like to try and steady
yourself in a bouncy house at a kid's
birthday party. You get the idea. The
bottom line, I don't think you should
be required to take a Dramamine every
time you try to get out of bed or tie
your shoes.
So onto the more conventional styles
where I learned, to my amazement, that
today you can actually buy a bed that's
half firm and half soft, meeting both
partners' needs. Yes, it's two — two
beds in one! But just when I thought
the process had come to an end, I was
introduced to an added feature that
would change any man's life — an
optional motorized accessory that
allows you to raise your back, feet and
vibrate your body! Move over TVs and
DVD players, there's a new clicker in
town! Ah yes, I now watch television at
a 45-degree angle, with knees bent, and
my body mildly vibrating. And now all
is right with the world.
God willing, this bed will last into
the Golden Years when it can double
as a hospital bed for post-op knee
replacement convalescence. But if it
doesn't hold up, I'll take the easy route
next time. I'll go for a drive and find
a mattress that's fallen off the top of
someone's car. And to all a good night!
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I I
Alan Muskovitz is a writer, speaker, emcee
and voiceover talent. Visit his website at
laughingwithbigaLcom.
JEW! FINEW
Sept. 1-7, 2011 I 2-8 Elul 5771 I Vol. CXL, No. 4
Ann Arbor
Around Town
Arts/Entertainment
Business
Calendar
Food
Life Cycles
Marketplace
Metro
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Obituaries
Points Of View
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Staff Box/Phone List
Synagogue List
Torah Portion
t,
Hebrew Free Loan Board member
Annie Cohen feels strongly about
HFL. "I love this agency," Annie said,
"And I'm so proud of what we do.
Even if I wasn't on the Board, I would
want to be part of this. Anyone who
has a passion for people and keeping
our city strong should be interested
in what HFL does for our community."
Annie was introduced to HFL by
friends who were part of the Board
and staff, and was captivated by the
mission. "This is a hands-on group
where Board members interact
directly with the borrowers," Annie
said. "We talk to real people with
real faces and worries, from all walks
of life. I love the hugs, the hand-
shakes, being able to help others.
"Think about it: we all started
somewhere in life, and maybe had
some financial concern along the
way - paying for school, beginning
life after college, starting a family,
or changing jobs. Each story is dif-
ferent, yet they're the same, because
in the end, we're a community. We
need each other."
The Power of Recycling
63
33
40
6
38
37
Columnist
Danny Raskin
or
50
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Shabbat: Friday, Sept. 2, 7:47 p.m.
Shabbat Ends: Saturday, Sept. 3, 8:47 p.m..
Shabbat: Friday, Sept. 9, 7:35 p.m.
Shabbat Ends: Saturday, Sept. 10, 8:35 p.m.
Times according to Yeshiva Beth Yehudah
calendar.
Page design, Deborah Schultz
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