A newly purchased bed arrived puts on a mattress. The data generated at my house recently, and from my large frame was off the charts, trust me, the decision-mak- with the computer showing more dips ing process that went into choosing it and spikes than a Kwame Kilpatrick surpassed the mental exer- lie-detector test. With this cise required to buy a new high-tech info in hand, I found car. With all due respect to myself jumping onto more Goldilocks, it took more beds than Tiger Woods. than just a few minutes to I arrived at the first floor decide what manufacturer sample with an open mind was too soft, too hard or and a willingness to think juuuuust right. It took six outside the box spring. I tried hours! Goldilocks didn't out the aforementioned "giant have to decide between sponge of a bed:' the famous pillow top covers, single or Tempur-Pedic; the one you can Alan double springs, or a stan- place a glass of wine on, jump Muskovitz dard mattress versus one up and down and not spill a Jewish News that was more like a giant drop. It was much more com- Columnist sponge. fortable than I expected. And The first phase of this I still can't believe the technol- new mattress buying exercise ended ogy that allowed the divot I made with up being humiliating. I was asked to my "husky" body type to bounce back lie on a computer-wired "test bed" that like a fresh marshmallow. I was nearly measured the pressure points my body sold on this space-age sleep surface, .114 CONTENTS until it was time to get off the bed. I swayed back and forth as if trying to disembark a small boat in high seas. Think what it's like to try and steady yourself in a bouncy house at a kid's birthday party. You get the idea. The bottom line, I don't think you should be required to take a Dramamine every time you try to get out of bed or tie your shoes. So onto the more conventional styles where I learned, to my amazement, that today you can actually buy a bed that's half firm and half soft, meeting both partners' needs. Yes, it's two — two beds in one! But just when I thought the process had come to an end, I was introduced to an added feature that would change any man's life — an optional motorized accessory that allows you to raise your back, feet and vibrate your body! Move over TVs and DVD players, there's a new clicker in town! Ah yes, I now watch television at a 45-degree angle, with knees bent, and my body mildly vibrating. And now all is right with the world. God willing, this bed will last into the Golden Years when it can double as a hospital bed for post-op knee replacement convalescence. But if it doesn't hold up, I'll take the easy route next time. I'll go for a drive and find a mattress that's fallen off the top of someone's car. And to all a good night! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz I I Alan Muskovitz is a writer, speaker, emcee and voiceover talent. Visit his website at laughingwithbigaLcom. JEW! FINEW Sept. 1-7, 2011 I 2-8 Elul 5771 I Vol. CXL, No. 4 Ann Arbor Around Town Arts/Entertainment Business Calendar Food Life Cycles Marketplace Metro 37 24 43 35 30 48 51 56 8 Obituaries Points Of View Sports Staff Box/Phone List Synagogue List Torah Portion t, Hebrew Free Loan Board member Annie Cohen feels strongly about HFL. "I love this agency," Annie said, "And I'm so proud of what we do. Even if I wasn't on the Board, I would want to be part of this. Anyone who has a passion for people and keeping our city strong should be interested in what HFL does for our community." Annie was introduced to HFL by friends who were part of the Board and staff, and was captivated by the mission. "This is a hands-on group where Board members interact directly with the borrowers," Annie said. "We talk to real people with real faces and worries, from all walks of life. I love the hugs, the hand- shakes, being able to help others. "Think about it: we all started somewhere in life, and maybe had some financial concern along the way - paying for school, beginning life after college, starting a family, or changing jobs. Each story is dif- ferent, yet they're the same, because in the end, we're a community. We need each other." The Power of Recycling 63 33 40 6 38 37 Columnist Danny Raskin or 50 Shabbat Lights Shabbat: Friday, Sept. 2, 7:47 p.m. Shabbat Ends: Saturday, Sept. 3, 8:47 p.m.. Shabbat: Friday, Sept. 9, 7:35 p.m. Shabbat Ends: Saturday, Sept. 10, 8:35 p.m. Times according to Yeshiva Beth Yehudah calendar. Page design, Deborah Schultz Our JN Mission www.hfldetroit.org 248.723.8184 HEBREW FREE*LOAN On The Cover: The Jewish News aspires to communicate news and opinion that's useful, engaging, enjoyable and unique. It strives to reflect the full range of diverse viewpoints while also advocating positions that strengthen Jewish unity and continu- ity. We desire to create and maintain a challenging, caring, enjoyable work environment that encourages creativity and innovation. We acknowledge our role as a responsible, responsive member of the community. Being competi- tive, we must always strive to be the most respected, outstanding Jewish community publication in the nation. Our rewards are informed, educated readers, very satisfied advertisers, contented employees and profitable growth. Hebrew Free Loan gives interest- free loans to members of Our community for a variety of personal and small business needs. 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