INTERFAITH
How Rabbis Can Welcome
The Other-Faith Spouse
D
Ann Arbor
wring one of the first stops on
my book tour a couple of years
ago, a rabbi asked me a startling
question: "What can rabbis do to welcome
the other-faith spouse?"
I guess I was surprised by his query
because the very thought of a member of
the clergy asking me for advice seemed
ironic. Additionally, I was struck by how
eager he was to learn what would improve
temple life for someone like me — a
Christian helping to raise a Jewish family.
It was just my second speaking engage-
ment for my book on intermarriage and I
was still feeling a little bit like a mailroom
intern telling the board of directors how
to capture the market. Summoning up
the courage, I replied to the rabbi in the
audience that clergy very simply could
welcome people like me into the syna-
gogue by communicating directly. Taking
an interest in the interfaith family would
go a long way in making the non-Jewish
partner feel comfortable in a strange envi-
ronment.
Since that day, I've had a lot more time
to reflect on the question and get a feel for
other ideas that would help someone in
my shoes. Thinking back to my own emo-
tions when my wife and I joined our tem-
ple, I realized that most of my
apprehension came from not
knowing what I was allowed to
do or not do.
In the Reform movement,
from synagogue to synagogue,
the rules are different. So even
my wife, who had been Jewish
all of her life, was unable to
guide me.
After I spoke at another
engagement, Rabbi Barry
Block of Temple Beth El in San
Antonio showed me a pamphlet
they hand out to interfaith
couples. It not only welcomed
the families, but also detailed
what the couple could expect.
Reading this particular piece of lit-
erature gave me a solid sense of how a
non-Jewish member could participate
in services and whether he or she could
serve on committees or the board. Best
yet, it imparted a sense that the other-
and honor the non-Jewish partners of the
temple during a special service. According
to Rabbi Rick Kellner of Temple Isaiah
in Los Angeles, whose synagogue praises
other-faith spouses in such a ceremony,
these individuals often feel that it is a very
moving experience. In his opinion, these
people are making an effort to raise a
Jewish family and should be honored.
From the day I joined our temple here in
Ann Arbor, to my discussions with rabbis
across the U.S., I have been heartened to feel
that many clergy want other-faith spouses to
participate in the Jewish community.
They realize that encouraging our
involvement in temple life strengthens the
congregation and makes us feel good. I
would call that a mitzvah. ❑
faith spouse could be an active part of the
temple community.
I could tell from this pamphlet that
Rabbi Block and his synagogue genuinely
wanted to engage interfaith
families and cared how the
other-faith spouse felt. Just like
the rabbi who initially startled
me with his question, there was
that eagerness to learn what
was helpful and then put it into
action.
A big part of feeling comfort-
able at my own synagogue is
knowing that the clergy, cantor,
religious school director and
others care about me and want
me there.
Another recommendation for
rabbis who want to welcome
non-Jewish partners would be
to schedule a casual face-to-face meet-
ing (with or without the Jewish spouse).
Whether just for coffee or in the rabbi's
office, conversation demonstrates caring
and leads to the breaking down of barri-
ers.
Some synagogues even go an extra step
Jim Keen is author of the book "Inside
Intermarriage: A Christian Partner's Perspective
on Raising a Jewish Family" (URJ Press, forth-
coming) and a contributor to the book "The
Guide to the Jewish Interfaith Family Life:
an InterfaithFamily.com Handbook" (Jewish
Lights publishing). He is a columnist for
InterfaithFamily.com . His e-mail address is jck-
een@umich.edu.
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