INTERFAITH How Rabbis Can Welcome The Other-Faith Spouse D Ann Arbor wring one of the first stops on my book tour a couple of years ago, a rabbi asked me a startling question: "What can rabbis do to welcome the other-faith spouse?" I guess I was surprised by his query because the very thought of a member of the clergy asking me for advice seemed ironic. Additionally, I was struck by how eager he was to learn what would improve temple life for someone like me — a Christian helping to raise a Jewish family. It was just my second speaking engage- ment for my book on intermarriage and I was still feeling a little bit like a mailroom intern telling the board of directors how to capture the market. Summoning up the courage, I replied to the rabbi in the audience that clergy very simply could welcome people like me into the syna- gogue by communicating directly. Taking an interest in the interfaith family would go a long way in making the non-Jewish partner feel comfortable in a strange envi- ronment. Since that day, I've had a lot more time to reflect on the question and get a feel for other ideas that would help someone in my shoes. Thinking back to my own emo- tions when my wife and I joined our tem- ple, I realized that most of my apprehension came from not knowing what I was allowed to do or not do. In the Reform movement, from synagogue to synagogue, the rules are different. So even my wife, who had been Jewish all of her life, was unable to guide me. After I spoke at another engagement, Rabbi Barry Block of Temple Beth El in San Antonio showed me a pamphlet they hand out to interfaith couples. It not only welcomed the families, but also detailed what the couple could expect. Reading this particular piece of lit- erature gave me a solid sense of how a non-Jewish member could participate in services and whether he or she could serve on committees or the board. Best yet, it imparted a sense that the other- and honor the non-Jewish partners of the temple during a special service. According to Rabbi Rick Kellner of Temple Isaiah in Los Angeles, whose synagogue praises other-faith spouses in such a ceremony, these individuals often feel that it is a very moving experience. In his opinion, these people are making an effort to raise a Jewish family and should be honored. From the day I joined our temple here in Ann Arbor, to my discussions with rabbis across the U.S., I have been heartened to feel that many clergy want other-faith spouses to participate in the Jewish community. They realize that encouraging our involvement in temple life strengthens the congregation and makes us feel good. I would call that a mitzvah. ❑ faith spouse could be an active part of the temple community. I could tell from this pamphlet that Rabbi Block and his synagogue genuinely wanted to engage interfaith families and cared how the other-faith spouse felt. Just like the rabbi who initially startled me with his question, there was that eagerness to learn what was helpful and then put it into action. A big part of feeling comfort- able at my own synagogue is knowing that the clergy, cantor, religious school director and others care about me and want me there. Another recommendation for rabbis who want to welcome non-Jewish partners would be to schedule a casual face-to-face meet- ing (with or without the Jewish spouse). Whether just for coffee or in the rabbi's office, conversation demonstrates caring and leads to the breaking down of barri- ers. Some synagogues even go an extra step Jim Keen is author of the book "Inside Intermarriage: A Christian Partner's Perspective on Raising a Jewish Family" (URJ Press, forth- coming) and a contributor to the book "The Guide to the Jewish Interfaith Family Life: an InterfaithFamily.com Handbook" (Jewish Lights publishing). He is a columnist for InterfaithFamily.com . His e-mail address is jck- een@umich.edu. Grand opening of our West Bloomfield Location! DailyTribunv 2006 MPARtinteg 2008 2004, 2007 JEK. IL lotT Remake your old wall unit to accommodate the new, larger TM Ortro it After 4) Ito Mediterranean cuisine since 1999 Carry out /Catering /Dine in /restaurant Buy one lunch or entrée at regular price get the second for 1/2 off Grand opening special good thru Jan 20th, 2010 Buy One Sandwich get the second for Free Get more for your money with new wallunits1 kitchen 11 and bath cabinets 200,a Of equal or lesser value, not good with any other offer Expires 03/15/10 Of equal or lesser value, not good w1 any offer. Exp 03/15/10 good for lunch or dinner 540 Orchard Lake Rd. West Bloomfield • 248-855-6929 32748 Woodward Ave. Royal Oak • 248-554-9881 www.falaffelking.com Send your college student news from home! College kids love news from home - the JN will help keep them in touch with everything that is happening while they are away! Call us today and well take care of the rest * s{1) 1 ,14-11-- dc7 -. 1 , I-61,4 if , ' 11 Ind Itr..14 tit' 1" 1 1 111 4r. 1114 itif '" t)1 !Ulu! 111 0 , 1( )(WIWI fp 'Ili s .111'1 t, itr 11411 % I !coon Allied Mt mbor A!'411.) 248.8.3 1 .698 1 800.875.6621 SPECIAL COLLEGE PRICING $20 Al per year 10 months • In-state only * Call for out of state special rates February 11 • 2010 47