INTERFAITH
Judaism Is A Story
Ann Arbor
- 0 ne of the greatest difficul-
ties of being the non-Jewish
dad in my interfaith family
is seeing how I fit into the whole pic-
ture of Judaism itself.
I am not part of the religion
(I maintain my own
Protestant faith). I am,
however, part of the culture
— wittingly or unwittingly.
Of course, I recognize
that I am an active par-
ticipant in helping to raise
my daughters as Jews. The
problem that I, and many
other people in my situa-
tion, face is feeling that I
don't belong to the same
club, if you will, that my
wife and children do.
Ever in search of that comfort zone,
I had tried to come to terms with my
status for years. I tried to see where
I fit in by attempting to understand
the definition of Judaism itself. I'm
not talking about the details from the
Torah, but rather what does it mean
to be Jewish?
I heard the story about how Rabbi
Hillel once defined the lessons of the
Torah as "that which you find hateful,
don't do to others." Pretty doggone
succinct. I could sub-
scribe to that (even
while standing on one
foot). But that didn't
necessarily make me
Jewish.
What is Judaism?
Is it a belief set? A
culture? Both?
In some temples,
I wouldn't be com-
pletely accepted
unless I converted.
What does that say about the person
who considers himself only to be a
cultural Jew? Does he still belong? Is
it possible for me just to convert to
the culture and not bother with the
religious side as well?
You can see how this could
befuddle and frustrate the non-
Jewish partner. That's the point I
had reached when I met Rabbi Steve
Cohen of Congregation B'nai B'rith
in Santa Barbara, Calif. I was there to
give a talk on my book.
The night before, at dinner, we
began discussing this very subject.
Rabbi Cohen said to me, "Judaism is
a story. We all play different charac-
ters in the story. You, Jim, are playing
the role of the Protestant dad helping
to raise his Jewish family. It's a very
important part."
Suddenly, everything just clicked
for me. How I fit in became crystal
clear and much easier to deal with
in my mind. I could finally
stop getting hung up on the
different labels we place
on people — non-Jew, Jew,
religious Jew, cultural Jew.
Instead, I could now focus
on the different roles we all
play together in the Jewish
community.
The funny thing is, it's not
just the non-Jews who've
had a hard time coming
to terms with this issue. I
think that many of us in the Jewish
world wrestle with the same conflict-
ing messages we send each other by
trying to stake out our labels.
The problem is, all of us in this
community play our own parts and
we're continually changing our roles.
I started out as a Protestant boy dat-
ing a Jewish girl — learning that
we faced a lot of adversity. At this
page in the story, I'm the father of
one daughter who just had her bat
mitzvah and have another one in the
pipeline.
What Rabbi
Cohen has taught
me is that we
shouldn't try to
sew a label into
someone's shirt
while he's con-
stantly growing
and moving. It's
too easy to poke
him with the nee-
dle. In addition,
it's not even necessary to tag people.
We should learn to be comfort-
able with the different parts we play,
and just focus on making the story a
good one. I I
I recognize that
I am an active
participant in
helping to raise my
daughters as Jews.
'At Regent Street I have found
asting friendships, good service and
have enjoyed cultural events that
never would have experienced in m
own home" -Rose Bennett
Visitors welcome!
Call or stop by today.
Jim Keen is author of the book "Inside
Intermarriage: A Christian Partner's
Perspective on Raising a Jewish Family"
(URJ Press, forthcoming) and a contributor
to the book "The Guide to the Jewish
ASSISTED LIVING
Interfaith Family Life: an InterfaithFamily.
com Handbook" (Jewish Lights Publishing).
He is a columnist for InterfaithFamily.com.
His e-mail address is jckeen®umich.edu .
mosso
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December 3 a 2009
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