To Life!
GENERATIONS
Lifetime Achievers
Federation honors communal leaders.
INTERFAITH
Bubble Etiquette
Parental views do matter.
Ann Arbor
R
for the past 10 years has been to
ecognizing extraordinary
service to the community at build or enhance many of the physi-
cal structures of our community.
its third annual Leadership
Awards Night, the Jewish Federation
The Norma Jean and Edward Meer
of Metropolitan Detroit honored
Jewish Apartments, the Meer Family
Edward Meer and Edie
Friendship Campus,
the Gloria and Ed Meer
Slotkin as recipients
Center office for Jewish
of its 2007 Lifetime
Hospice and Chaplaincy
Achievement Award.
Network within Jewish
In his reflections to
Family Services, Yad Ezra
members of Federation
as well as numerous other
board and guests of
projects all stand today as
the awardees' families,
Federation President
testimony to the compas-
Peter M. Alter remarked
sion and generosity of the
Meer family.
that the award pays in
To honor Edward Meer's
small measure "our com- Edward Me er
extraordinary contribu-
munity's highest tribute
tions to the community,
and deepest gratitude to
those who have demon-
Oak Park Mayor Gerald E.
Naftaly, issued a procla-
strated their dedication
mation declaring May 31
to the community by
as Edward Meer Day in
their range of commit-
Oak Park.
ment, leadership and
creativity!'
Love For Israel
Philanthropic Life
The consummate "pro-
fessional volunteer:' an
Businessman, philan-
Edie Slotki
accomplished fundraiser
thropist, community
as executive director for
leader Edward Meer has
the American Committee for the
"changed the landscape" of the
Weizmann Institute of Science of
Jewish community of Metro Detroit,
contributing to scores of projects and Rehovot, Israel, for many years, Edie
organizations with the wisdom that
Slotkin is a past president of the
Federation Women's Department.
he's honed through five decades in
sales as president and chief executive
Recalled fondly by her associates
as a beloved leader of Federation
officer of Meer Dental.
missions to Israel and dynamo in
With the late Norma Jean, his wife
the Women's Department, Slotkin
of 52 years, and at the encourage-
ment of their three sons, Robert,
has served as chair of the Women's
Department Campaign, chair of the
Jeffrey and Brian, Ed sold his busi-
ness a decade ago and embarked
Ruby and Lion of Judah divisions,
first chair of the women's Hadracha
upon a philanthropic path that he
Mission to Israel program and a bus
continues to follow with genuine
delight.
captain of Federation's first Miracle
Married to Gloria, Meer is a grand- Mission.
She has also served as a member
father of eight and great-grandfather
of the Jewish Community Center of
of 19. Amidst a loving family, he
Metropolitan Detroit board of direc-
continues to be a major donor to
the schools where his grandchildren
tors.
attend — Beth Jacob preschool in
Born in Cincinnati, a longtime res-
ident of Bloomfield Hills, Ms. Slotkin
Oak Park and Yeshiva Beth Yehudah,
Yeshivat Akiva and Yeshivas Darchai
now spends half the year in Jupiter,
Torah in Southfield.
Fla. With husband, Donald, she is
The list of Mr. Meer's philan-
mother of six and grandmother of
10. II
thropic interests is long and a focus
28
July 5 . 2007
F
or so many inter-
faith couples, a
big issue is how
to handle their parents
— telling them they're
dating someone outside
the religion, telling them
they're getting married,
telling them what religion
they plan to raise the chil-
dren and so on.
What about the parents, though?
There isn't a lot of talk about how they
handle their new role. Most couples can
guess that their parents may be agoniz-
ing over their relationship. But in what
way? The answer may surprise you.
It's easy for most of us to conjure
up images of overbearing parents.
We've seen plenty of movies featuring
stereotypical characters of parents
trying to meddle. However, what I've
found over the years, after talking with
these parents, is that they often don't
know how to approach their children
who are intermarried. That's right; far
from wanting to control their adult
children's every footstep, meal choice
and sneeze, they frequently worry that
they are too meddlesome.
During my book tour last fall for
Inside Intermarriage, I noticed that
many audience members were parents
of intermarried children. As this was
uncharted territory for them, many
were looking for suggestions regarding
the proper etiquette for their new situ-
ation."Should I tell them how I feel?
Should I keep quiet? Should I drop
subtle hints? Should I hand my kids a
list of demands?"
Nowhere was this anxiety more
apparent than with Selma — a Jewish
woman I had met on the tour, whose
son had married a Protestant woman.
The couple didn't have kids yet, but
everyone in the family knew that it
wouldn't be long. Unfortunately, the
happy couple were making everyone
else miserable by procrastinating
on picking a religion for their future
children.
Just prior to our meeting, Selma
had been pacing back and forth with a
copy of my book for about 20 minutes.
When she finally approached me, she
said that she wasn't sure she should
buy it.
"Why not?" I asked, hoping
it wasn't because I had offend-
ed her during the talk.
"Because I don't want to give
the wrong impression to my
son and daughter-in-law." She
then told me her story. "I don't
want to seem like I'm med-
dling."
"They might think it's a nice
gift:' I suggested.
"Oh, I would never think of
giving it to them. That would really be
pushy."
"How would that give them the
wrong impression?"
"Well, what if I had it laying out on
my coffee table and they saw it? They
would think that I'm trying to tell
them something."
"Just buy the book already!" part of
me wanted to say.
Instead, I suggested that she should
wait until she figured out what
approach to take with her son and
daughter-in-law. Remembering what
my parents said to me — words that
came as a huge relief — I gave Selma
some advice. I told her to simply let
them know that you love them and that
you are concerned that they haven't
made a decision. Most importantly, let
them know that you will support them
and be there for them if they want to
talk. Then leave it at that. It's pretty
much up to them at that point.
Many intermarried couples forget
that their parents are trying to adjust
to an image of the future they were
not expecting for their children. The
couples that remember that their par-
ents love them and want them to be
happy are most successful in commu-
nicating their decisions. The parents
who communicate their support to
their interdating and intermarrying
children are most successful at stay-
ing involved.
What happened to Selma? She
ended up buying the book. I hope
its cover is wearing off from frequent
use. E
Jim Keen of Ann Arbor is a freelance writ-
er and columnist for Inter faithFamily.com.
He is the author of Inside Intermarriage: A
Christian Partner's Perspective on Raising
a Jewish Family (URJ Press).