To Life! GENERATIONS Lifetime Achievers Federation honors communal leaders. INTERFAITH Bubble Etiquette Parental views do matter. Ann Arbor R for the past 10 years has been to ecognizing extraordinary service to the community at build or enhance many of the physi- cal structures of our community. its third annual Leadership Awards Night, the Jewish Federation The Norma Jean and Edward Meer of Metropolitan Detroit honored Jewish Apartments, the Meer Family Edward Meer and Edie Friendship Campus, the Gloria and Ed Meer Slotkin as recipients Center office for Jewish of its 2007 Lifetime Hospice and Chaplaincy Achievement Award. Network within Jewish In his reflections to Family Services, Yad Ezra members of Federation as well as numerous other board and guests of projects all stand today as the awardees' families, Federation President testimony to the compas- Peter M. Alter remarked sion and generosity of the Meer family. that the award pays in To honor Edward Meer's small measure "our com- Edward Me er extraordinary contribu- munity's highest tribute tions to the community, and deepest gratitude to those who have demon- Oak Park Mayor Gerald E. Naftaly, issued a procla- strated their dedication mation declaring May 31 to the community by as Edward Meer Day in their range of commit- Oak Park. ment, leadership and creativity!' Love For Israel Philanthropic Life The consummate "pro- fessional volunteer:' an Businessman, philan- Edie Slotki accomplished fundraiser thropist, community as executive director for leader Edward Meer has the American Committee for the "changed the landscape" of the Weizmann Institute of Science of Jewish community of Metro Detroit, contributing to scores of projects and Rehovot, Israel, for many years, Edie organizations with the wisdom that Slotkin is a past president of the Federation Women's Department. he's honed through five decades in sales as president and chief executive Recalled fondly by her associates as a beloved leader of Federation officer of Meer Dental. missions to Israel and dynamo in With the late Norma Jean, his wife the Women's Department, Slotkin of 52 years, and at the encourage- ment of their three sons, Robert, has served as chair of the Women's Department Campaign, chair of the Jeffrey and Brian, Ed sold his busi- ness a decade ago and embarked Ruby and Lion of Judah divisions, first chair of the women's Hadracha upon a philanthropic path that he Mission to Israel program and a bus continues to follow with genuine delight. captain of Federation's first Miracle Married to Gloria, Meer is a grand- Mission. She has also served as a member father of eight and great-grandfather of the Jewish Community Center of of 19. Amidst a loving family, he Metropolitan Detroit board of direc- continues to be a major donor to the schools where his grandchildren tors. attend — Beth Jacob preschool in Born in Cincinnati, a longtime res- ident of Bloomfield Hills, Ms. Slotkin Oak Park and Yeshiva Beth Yehudah, Yeshivat Akiva and Yeshivas Darchai now spends half the year in Jupiter, Torah in Southfield. Fla. With husband, Donald, she is The list of Mr. Meer's philan- mother of six and grandmother of 10. II thropic interests is long and a focus 28 July 5 . 2007 F or so many inter- faith couples, a big issue is how to handle their parents — telling them they're dating someone outside the religion, telling them they're getting married, telling them what religion they plan to raise the chil- dren and so on. What about the parents, though? There isn't a lot of talk about how they handle their new role. Most couples can guess that their parents may be agoniz- ing over their relationship. But in what way? The answer may surprise you. It's easy for most of us to conjure up images of overbearing parents. We've seen plenty of movies featuring stereotypical characters of parents trying to meddle. However, what I've found over the years, after talking with these parents, is that they often don't know how to approach their children who are intermarried. That's right; far from wanting to control their adult children's every footstep, meal choice and sneeze, they frequently worry that they are too meddlesome. During my book tour last fall for Inside Intermarriage, I noticed that many audience members were parents of intermarried children. As this was uncharted territory for them, many were looking for suggestions regarding the proper etiquette for their new situ- ation."Should I tell them how I feel? Should I keep quiet? Should I drop subtle hints? Should I hand my kids a list of demands?" Nowhere was this anxiety more apparent than with Selma — a Jewish woman I had met on the tour, whose son had married a Protestant woman. The couple didn't have kids yet, but everyone in the family knew that it wouldn't be long. Unfortunately, the happy couple were making everyone else miserable by procrastinating on picking a religion for their future children. Just prior to our meeting, Selma had been pacing back and forth with a copy of my book for about 20 minutes. When she finally approached me, she said that she wasn't sure she should buy it. "Why not?" I asked, hoping it wasn't because I had offend- ed her during the talk. "Because I don't want to give the wrong impression to my son and daughter-in-law." She then told me her story. "I don't want to seem like I'm med- dling." "They might think it's a nice gift:' I suggested. "Oh, I would never think of giving it to them. That would really be pushy." "How would that give them the wrong impression?" "Well, what if I had it laying out on my coffee table and they saw it? They would think that I'm trying to tell them something." "Just buy the book already!" part of me wanted to say. Instead, I suggested that she should wait until she figured out what approach to take with her son and daughter-in-law. Remembering what my parents said to me — words that came as a huge relief — I gave Selma some advice. I told her to simply let them know that you love them and that you are concerned that they haven't made a decision. Most importantly, let them know that you will support them and be there for them if they want to talk. Then leave it at that. It's pretty much up to them at that point. Many intermarried couples forget that their parents are trying to adjust to an image of the future they were not expecting for their children. The couples that remember that their par- ents love them and want them to be happy are most successful in commu- nicating their decisions. The parents who communicate their support to their interdating and intermarrying children are most successful at stay- ing involved. What happened to Selma? She ended up buying the book. I hope its cover is wearing off from frequent use. E Jim Keen of Ann Arbor is a freelance writ- er and columnist for Inter faithFamily.com. He is the author of Inside Intermarriage: A Christian Partner's Perspective on Raising a Jewish Family (URJ Press).