can you relate?
Local therapist Brenda Strausz helps
solve your relating problems.
INTE
Hardwood
My 12-year-old daughter has
gone through such enormous changes this
past year: She seems so moody, preoccu-
pied and hard to communicate with. How
can I help her?
I have been dating my boy-
friend for over a year now and I am just not
certain if he is the one. How can I be sure?
—Reader from Farmington Hills
—Reader in Bloomfield Hills
3021 Orchard Lake Road
Keego Harbor, Michigan 49320
PHONE (248) 681-6460 FAX (248) 681-7102
WON OR fifTtP
Tiff MOW
b
ow
Dear Bloomfield Hills Reader,
Although the changes you describe are
disturbing, they are very common in your
daughter's age group due to hormonal
changes and
societal pressures.
It is vital that you
let your daughter
know that you
love and value
her. She needs
listening to more
than lecturing
and she needs
you to be a quiet
non-judgmental
presence more
than a probing worrier. Home should be
a place where she feels safe and secure.
Also, a young teen needs to know that her
life can be bigger than junior high — she
can widen her circle outside of school
with things such as religious youth groups,
relatives, neighbors, hobbies, babysit-
ting or volunteer work. And time spent
with animals and in nature can be very
comforting. It may be a good time for
your daughter to consult with a therapist
who can be a safe haven for her and teach
her coping skills to mange this difficult
time of life.
7 ECOMMENDED 1217- 7 ..DING:
Reviving Ophelia by Mary Pipher
Dear Farmington Hills Reader,
In the early stage of a relationship, we feel
as if we are under a magic spell. The chem-
istry is in high gear, we are on our best be-
havior — even our significant other's faults
seem endearing. Slowly but surely, the
spell wears off and
real life sets in. We
begin to notice that
qualities we once
thought were cute
are now irritating.
To help determine
whether you are re-
ally companionable,
it is important to
discuss your values
with your boyfriend
and make sure that
his are compatible with yours. While
similar interests are great, shared values
are even more important, as they will be
the criteria you will use to make many life
decisions. Spend some time making a list
of your relationship requirements — things
you absolutely, positively need your future
partner to have. If qualities such as honesty,
consideration and a positive outlook are
listed and you realize that he is lacking in
even one of them, that could more than
likely be a "deal breaker." You can't marry
anyone thinking they will change for you.
They will change only if they want to and
knowing this can save you a lot of unneces-
sary heartache.
RECOMMENDED READING:
Conscious Dating by David Steele
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42 •
MARCH 2007 •
platinum
Brenda Strausz, M.A., is a local psychotherapist,
"BEST 25 NEW
HOT SPOTS"
-Conde Nast Traveller Hot-list
May 2006
parent educator, certified relationship coach and
certified hypnotherapist. E-mail her your questions
at relate@thejewishnews.com .