can you relate? Local therapist Brenda Strausz helps solve your relating problems. INTE Hardwood My 12-year-old daughter has gone through such enormous changes this past year: She seems so moody, preoccu- pied and hard to communicate with. How can I help her? I have been dating my boy- friend for over a year now and I am just not certain if he is the one. How can I be sure? —Reader from Farmington Hills —Reader in Bloomfield Hills 3021 Orchard Lake Road Keego Harbor, Michigan 49320 PHONE (248) 681-6460 FAX (248) 681-7102 WON OR fifTtP Tiff MOW b ow Dear Bloomfield Hills Reader, Although the changes you describe are disturbing, they are very common in your daughter's age group due to hormonal changes and societal pressures. It is vital that you let your daughter know that you love and value her. She needs listening to more than lecturing and she needs you to be a quiet non-judgmental presence more than a probing worrier. Home should be a place where she feels safe and secure. Also, a young teen needs to know that her life can be bigger than junior high — she can widen her circle outside of school with things such as religious youth groups, relatives, neighbors, hobbies, babysit- ting or volunteer work. And time spent with animals and in nature can be very comforting. It may be a good time for your daughter to consult with a therapist who can be a safe haven for her and teach her coping skills to mange this difficult time of life. 7 ECOMMENDED 1217- 7 ..DING: Reviving Ophelia by Mary Pipher Dear Farmington Hills Reader, In the early stage of a relationship, we feel as if we are under a magic spell. The chem- istry is in high gear, we are on our best be- havior — even our significant other's faults seem endearing. Slowly but surely, the spell wears off and real life sets in. We begin to notice that qualities we once thought were cute are now irritating. To help determine whether you are re- ally companionable, it is important to discuss your values with your boyfriend and make sure that his are compatible with yours. While similar interests are great, shared values are even more important, as they will be the criteria you will use to make many life decisions. Spend some time making a list of your relationship requirements — things you absolutely, positively need your future partner to have. If qualities such as honesty, consideration and a positive outlook are listed and you realize that he is lacking in even one of them, that could more than likely be a "deal breaker." You can't marry anyone thinking they will change for you. They will change only if they want to and knowing this can save you a lot of unneces- sary heartache. RECOMMENDED READING: Conscious Dating by David Steele IDUIIV01111 LAD Valet Available Open 7 Days • 4PM-2AM Serving Full Hors d'Oeuvres and Martini Two Billiards Tables 2233 Park Ave. (Behind The Fox Theatre) 313.963.4040 www.centaurbar.com 42 • MARCH 2007 • platinum Brenda Strausz, M.A., is a local psychotherapist, "BEST 25 NEW HOT SPOTS" -Conde Nast Traveller Hot-list May 2006 parent educator, certified relationship coach and certified hypnotherapist. E-mail her your questions at relate@thejewishnews.com .