[CAN YOU RELATE?]
Local therapist Brenda Strausz helps
solve your relating problems.
Meet one of the faces of success
S. David Nathanson, M.D., a
board-certified surgeon and
director of the Breast Clinic at
Henry Ford Medical Center—West
Bloomfield, and member of the
Henry Ford Medical Group, talks
about a former patient who has
had a major influence on his life.
There are many aspects of patient
care and management not taught
by other doctors or in medical
texts. Learning from my patients
has been a theme throughout my
career. One, in particular, taught
me a great deal.
When I was a fellow at UCLA, I
treated a 23-year-old woman with a
malignant tumor. She couldn't walk
and was in tremendous pain. Her
other doctors had given up hope.
My chief, an internationally
renowned physician who is still in
practice, and I treated her in a
totally unconventional manner.
He was known as a maverick, and
these particular treatments were not
out of the textbooks. Everybody
thought we were nuts. She hovered
near death for three or four months,
undergoing radiation treatments,
chemotherapy and having a number
of major surgeries. She spent a lot
of time in intensive care. Eventually,
with a lot of additional coaxing from
her family, she turned the corner,
put on weight and started to walk
again.
My fellowship ended six months
later, and I left UCLA. I didn't
really appreciate at the time that
she had become dependent on my
care and was devastated when I
left. Due to her ongoing needs, we
remained in contact for years. I
became her confidant, sharing in
her triumph when she got her
master's degree in speech therapy
and took a position in the Los
Angeles school system. When I
visited my family in L.A., we would
meet for lunch.
She eventually married a man with
three children and we lost contact
with each other about four years
ago. A few months ago, I received
a letter from her husband, telling
me she had died
suddenly, one
day before her
5oth birthday.
She had lived a
remarkable 27
years after that
dramatic, mav-
erick treatment
at UCLA.
This patient has
had a tremen-
dous impact on me and made me a
better physician. I have learned
from many patients, and I saw real
gutsiness in this woman. She was
never free of suffering, always in
pain, but no one would ever know
it. After such dramatic treatment
the pain was inevitable, but that
treatment saved her life.
What physicians learn in medical
school, residency, training and
fellowships is important. It's
scientifically based and very
valuable. We've seen tremendous
technological advances during my
years in practice. We couldn't
manage to do what we do without
those things, but there are many
hidden, subtle, unexplainable,
healing attributes that physicians
can develop. I believe these are key
to the most important aspect of
patient care.
I've trained in many different
places, beginning with the
University of Witwatersrand
Medical School in Johannesburg,
South Africa, and have medical
skills. Those skills are important,
but I know I need to be tolerant of
all sorts of ideals and beliefs, and
not try to interpret my patients'
emotions and feelings.
I may have a small inkling of what
they're experiencing, but I can
never know completely. To make it
a complete healing experience for
my patients, I always need to listen
to, and learn from, what my
patients are telling me.
Q My husband left me for another
woman two years ago and I am
still filled with rage toward him.
How can I get over this and move
forward?
— Reader in Royal Oak
18
•
DECEMBER 2006 • JNPLATINUM
—
Reader in Southfield
A
Dear Royal Oak Reader,
It is understandable that after a
divorce caused by an affair you
would be struggling with feelings
of anger. You are still grieving
over the loss of the relationship,
and this is a necessary stage in
the mourning process. At this
time, forgiveness may seem like
an impossible task. However, a
common misconception about
forgiveness is that it condones the
wrongs done against you, when
actually it is more about letting
go of the hold the other person
has on you. It has been said
that unforgiveness is like drink-
ing rat poison and expecting the
rat to die. You are only poisoning
yourself by letting this bitterness
consume you.
There are a number of strate-
gies that can help you redirect
your energy toward creating a new
and exciting life for yourself. You
can journal regularly about your
angry feelings, make a list of your
strengths and read it daily, and set
small weekly goals for yourself and
take time to incorporate self-care
activities into your schedule. It can
also be very empowering to visual-
ize placing your anger in bags and
dumping them into a river and
then imagine yourself enjoying a
full, rich life!
Recommended Reading:
Forgiveness: A Bold Choice for a
Peaceful Heart by Robin Casarjian.
Brenda Strausz, M.A., is a
local psychotherapist, parent
educator, certified relationship
coach and certified hypnothera-
pist. E-mail her your questions
at relate@thejewishnews.com .
For more information or to make an
appointment call i-Soo-HENRYFORD or
visit our Web site www.henryford.com
Q My husband and I have two
kids under 5. I am highly stressed
at work and find myself being
short with my family.
Please help!
A
Dear Southfield Reader,
It has been said that people will
forget what you say, but they will
never forget how you make them
feel. First, it is crucial that you do
whatever you can to reduce the
stress in your life. Then focus on
learning skills that enable you to
respond rather than react. There
are just a few seconds between
an activating event (your child
spilling milk, for example) and your
response. In this short time it helps
to take a deep breath and consid-
er the power your words have to
either enhance your relationships
or damage them.
It may help you to visualize a
ladder. On the bottom rungs of the
ladder are negative ways of relat-
ing: arguing, belittling, blaming.
The top rungs are positive ways
of relating: listening, understand-
ing, validating. It is important to
ask yourself where you are on the
ladder; relationships are always
enhanced when you are on the
higher rungs and always hurt when
you are on the lower ones. The
more you become conscious of
your responses, the more peaceful
and loving your relationships
will be.
Recommended reading:
The Relationship Cure by
John Gottman.